


A Couple Guys and a Kid

by Unclesteeb



Series: Uncle Bucky and Uncle Sam [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Big Pun-freeform, Bottom Sam, Depressed Sam Wilson, Depressed Steve Rogers, F/M, Healing, Healing Through Early 00s Hip Hop, Hippie Bucky Barnes, Kid Fic, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Multi, OT4, Ot4 with main pairs, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rough Sex, Sam Wilson Feels, Slice of Life, Three Men and a Baby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-12
Updated: 2016-07-22
Packaged: 2018-07-14 16:17:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 45,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7179707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unclesteeb/pseuds/Unclesteeb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Slices of life with Uncle Bucky, Uncle Sam, Daddy Steve, Baby Sarah and Natasha as they figure out life, healing, growing up and love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Rough Night

**Author's Note:**

> Here we find a couple of guys and a baby all having a pretty rough night.

Sam woke with a gasp.

Before he was fully awake he was grabbing his house keys and flying out his front door. He ran up the steps in his apartment building to the third floor and started banging on door number four. He needed to know. He needed to see her.

“Sam. You okay?” Bucky answered the door, looking like hell. Sam heard the distinct sounds of a baby crying. He gently shouldered his way past his boyfriend and flew to the source of the noise. 

Steve was gently rocking baby Sarah by her crib, trying his best to shush her and stop her tears. Sam reached his arms out for the baby. 

“Let me hold her.” His voice came out cracking and uncertain. Steve turned to him then, with bloodshot eyes and a furrowed brow, but sensed Sam’s urgency and handed his crying daughter to Sam. 

Sarah wailed in his ear. Taking deep breaths in-between screams. Taking deep breaths. Breathing. Alive. 

Sam shuddered and sighed. He flopped down with Sarah still tight in his arms into the rocking chair and breathed in her fresh powder scent, willing himself to calm down. 

“Sam.” Came Bucky’s voice from the doorway to the room. “You're not okay.” 

“Was she crying too loudly? Did she wake you? I'm so sorry Sam I don't know what's wrong with her.” Steve sounded exhausted and exasperated and like he wanted to cry himself. 

Sam breathed in, then out. Sarah was still crying. He steeled himself then spoke. “I dropped her.” He shook his head. He didn't mean that. He tried again. “I dreamt I was flying with her. I dropped her. I watched her fall. I couldn't save her. It was like-” he breaks off and tries not to sob, the implied like Riley hanging thickly in the room.

Steve makes a hurt sound from by the crib but it's Bucky who crosses the room first to Sam. 

“You're safe. _She's_ safe. Everyone’s okay” he cups a hand to the side of Sam’s face gently. “Well we’re not okay. She's been crying for hours and we don't know why.” He lowers his voice to a whisper, addressing Sarah gently. “Your daddy and I are about to lose our minds little one, but Uncle Sam needs to relax for a minute, let me see you.” It's Bucky’s gentle way of telling Sam without having to actually say the words: _you're freaking her out and not helping this situation at all._ Sam appreciates it and hands Sarah over to him. Bucky takes Sarah and cradles her to his chest. He leans into the crib for her pacifier and gently sways them both out of the room. Sam can hear her cries die down to whimpers. He looks over to Steve, who's visibly sagging against the crib with his head in his hands. Sam can see the line of tension in his body. 

The two of them sit quietly for a minute. The emotion in the room is thick and palpable. Steve breaks the silence first.

“Something’s wrong with my daughter and I can't figure it out.” He slides down onto the floor in defeat. He tucks his head in-between his knees. Sam can't see his face but he wouldn't doubt that Steve was crying. “She's just crying and crying. I can't get her to stop. This isn't good for Bucky. I need to figure this out.”

PTSD is a bitch and depression is the devil. Sam volunteers down at the VA a few times a week. He sees the different ways they manifest themselves in the corners of a person’s mind. He's always found it interesting how a disease can present itself so differently in each person. 

For him, his PTSD hits him hardest with nightmares. He lost his best friend Riley in the war. Watched him get blown out of the sky. Sam’s nightmares are mostly him losing the different people he loves. He watches the people he cares most about fall, again and again. Sam’s been home longer than Steve and Bucky. He spends a lot of his time taking care of himself, making sure that he's okay. Most of the time he is okay these days, but he still has nights like tonight where he gets shaken to bits. He still swears he hears gunfire if a car backfires the right way. But he does the best he can, because that's all he can do. 

For Steve, it's the depression that really sneaks up on him and pulls him under. Almost as soon as he landed in the states he had child support and custody papers shoved in his face by his ex. He threw himself into therapy and fought for the daughter he didn't even know existed. He stayed stoically strong through it all and rarely allows himself to breakdown, but when he reaches his limit he spends hours, days, weeks beating himself up- punishing himself for things that were never his fault. Sarah keeps him going most of the time, and when she's not around it's Bucky who he refuses to let down. 

Bucky. Bucky has it the worst of all, Sam thinks. Bucky was held as a POW for a short while. He was on a special elite unit in the army and was sent to assassinate enemy leaders. He was good at what he did, and quickly became a serious threat. He was captured and tortured for information for almost a month before the Rangers found him. He's never told Sam about exactly what they did to him, but he returned missing an arm and with more scars than you could count. Sam knows that it took him almost six months before he slept through a night without waking up screaming or vomiting. He couldn't stand living alone, so he moved in with Steve when he was released from the hospital with his weird, awesome metal arm (made by Tony Stark). Bucky and Steve had been attached at the hip since they were babies. They had been through a damn lot together, so it was really only natural for Steve to take Bucky in when he was in a bad way. When Sam had first met Steve at the VA, he had told Sam about his roommate waking him up at all hours of the night with his nightmares. Sam remembers Steve slinking into his group meetings like a zombie, and when he was questioned he would wave a hand like it was no big deal citing “baby” or “Bucky” and sometimes “both the baby and Bucky had a rough night.” Before Sam had met Bucky, before Sam had fallen head over heels in love with Bucky, he had questioned Steve. He had asked him why he risked his own sanity for his friend. He remembers Steve looking at him, appalled, and answering like it was clear as day, “Because it's Bucky.” 

Bucky’s mostly triggered from lack of sleep and stress, and when he gets bad it's a bitch to bring him back out, so Sam understands why Steve’s so concerned now. He doesn't understand, however, Steve’s need to make everything his own burden. 

“Steve. She's a baby. It's not your fault.”

This makes Steve cry harder, his sobs becoming audible. 

“Sam. Oh god Sam you came here ‘cuz you're having a fucked up night. I'm too busy talking about my own shit. I should be comforting you. Bucky should be comforting you. Not walking around with my kid ten seconds from being triggered into a spiral because I fucking can't do it.” He growls with frustration and pulls at his hair.

Sam moves to sit next to his friend. He presses up close to Steve with his back against the crib. Steve leans into him with his head still resting in-between his knees. Sam rubs his back gently. 

“Being a parent is damn hard Steve. Relax.” It's not much in the way of comfort but Sam’s still shaking and on edge himself, so it will have to do. “We love you and Sarah both, you know that. Hell, would I be dreaming of dropping her if I didn't?” It's meant to be a joke but it falls flat in the tenseness of the moment. 

Steve settles down, taking slow, deep breaths to calm himself. Sam continues to rub circles into his back. Sam and Steve had grown impossibly close after they had met at the VA. With Steve came Bucky, and with a lot of tension, avoidance and one alcohol-initiated feelings confession came Sam and Bucky’s relationship. The two of them had spent the past few months feeling their way around each other. Sam fell in love with Bucky slowly, steadily, learning to love his quirks, his faults and every bit of the amazing man he knows now. Bucky had admitted to Sam recently (very recently, like two days ago recently) that he had been in love with Sam since before they started dating.The two of them fit together like two pieces of a PTSD-addled, strangely shaped, interracial puzzle. Sam loved every minute of it. It was part of the reason that when Steve had mentioned to him that an apartment in their building had opened up, Sam jumped on it; the thought of being that much closer to Bucky (and not to mention his favorite little honorary-niece and her big blonde dummy of a dad) instigating his decision. Bucky had taken to the news better than Sam could have ever imagined. Sam remembers Bucky’s whoop and the feeling of being hoisted up with the kind of ease that can only come from having a boyfriend with a cybernetic arm before being carried to Bucky’s bedroom for some weird kind of celebratory “I’m going to live in the same building as my boyfriend” sex before they laid wrapped around each other, still naked. Sam remembers the feel of Bucky’s breath leaving his nose against his neck before Bucky pressed a light kiss to it and mumbled softly, “You’re so fucking perfect.” 

Living down the hall from your boyfriend does indeed have its perks, such as sprinting into his apartment at ass o’clock to make sure his goddaughter hasn’t fallen out of the sky in Afghanistan.

Said boyfriend comes to the door of Sarah’s nursery holding a, thankfully, sleeping baby. His lips pucker signaling “Shh” before he pads silently to the crib and gently places Sarah in it. Sam stands and offers a hand to help Steve rise as well. The three men exit the bedroom quietly, using their military training for something it was very much not intended for. 

After he’s closed the door, Bucky’s shoulders sag for a second, finally letting himself feel. Both Steve and Sam reach out for him, but within a second Bucky’s collected himself and turns around with a soft smile on his lips. 

“Come on, troops, off to bed. Captain Rogers, to your quarters.” He shoos Steve towards his bedroom.

Steve fires of a lazy salute “Yes, Sir.” his gaze softens, “Buck-”

“Nuh uh- Captain, that was an order.” Bucky replies, dismissing whatever thank you or compliment he was about to receive. 

Steve smiles, “Goodnight.” and quickly retreats to his bed to try and rest before Sarah wakes up again. 

“Now you, Staff Sergeant Wilson.” Bucky slides his arms around Sam’s waist and pulls him a little closer. “I have a very special job for you. First, kiss your boyfriend.” Sam laughs a little but follows his orders quickly. “Next, come have some tea with me.” His face gets serious, “I need to settle down before I try and sleep or this won’t be very much fun at all.” 

Sam runs a hand through Bucky’s long, soft hair. “Sir, yes Sir.” he says softly, then gives Bucky another little kiss. 

Bucky prepares their tea silently. It’s a comfortable silence that spreads its calm through Sam, relaxing him. Bucky adds a little milk and sugar to Sam’s tea and slides it to him before he takes a seat opposite Sam at the dining room table. Sam sips his tea, it’s some weird funky herbal shit that Bucky seems to love. Bucky’s taken to things like herbal tea, essential oils, yoga and meditation to handle his anxiety. Sam’s not into it, but really likes the way that Bucky looks when he does yoga so he never complains. Plus, he enjoys the way Bucky smells of patchouli when he’s freshly out of the shower. 

“I think she’s teething.” Bucky says to break the silence, fiddling with the side of his teacup. “She has a few teeth already. She did when we met her. But as soon as the tylenol Steve gave her kicked in she passed out. It must hurt, you know? She’s so little, she doesn’t know what to do with the pain.” He looks up at Sam and wrinkles his nose. “We should go get her some of those squishy biting thingys tomorrow.” 

Sam’s hit with a hard wave of affection for Bucky, watching him look pale, shaky and like an absolute zombie drinking his tea to calm down and wrinkling his nose at “squishy biting thingys”. Sam smiles at him. “We should. We should take her with us too. We can walk with her down by the park, give her daddy some rest. I’ll even let you dress her in one of those frilly tutus you love so much.”

“Perfect.” Bucky’s smiling now too. “That punk won’t let himself have a break for shit when she’s here. That sounds like the perfect excuse. Knowing him, he will spend the entire time cleaning or painting instead of sleeping though.”

“Hey, a break’s a break for a parent. She’s here until Wednesday, isn’t she? He’s still got a few days left, he can regroup with only a minimal amount of guilt.”

Bucky scoffs, “Yeah, minimal.” 

They both know that even though Steve will let them take Sarah out in the morning (afternoon, hopefully) he will spend the entire time beating himself up about enjoying some alone time. 

The two of them sit comfortably quiet again for a while, finishing their tea. When Bucky’s cup is empty and he looks significantly more relaxed Sam collects both of their cups and deposits them into the sink. He wraps his arms around Bucky’s shoulders, pressing his front to the back of Bucky’s chair, leaning over him. Bucky’s flesh hand wraps around Sam’s arm and he leans back into Sam’s chest. Sam presses a kiss to his boyfriend’s cheek.

“Okay Sergeant Barnes. Take me to bed. I think we’re going to be okay.”


	2. Staring Contest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Bucky take a big step.

Staring contests were for kids.

They were also a very productive method of information extraction for one James Barnes from his friend Steve Rogers. 

Bucky glared harder at Steve. Steve set his jaw and glared right back.

See, this wasn't something that happened often between the two friends, nor is it a fun event. The Great Staring Contest of 2016 is happening because Steven Grant Rogers is hiding something. 

Bucky first saw the signs of it yesterday afternoon. Steve had gone to pick up Sarah and returned looking a little extra shifty. He made Bucky his favorite dinner (spaghetti) and cheerfully asked Bucky if he wanted to pick the movie they would watch before bed. 

Bucky had narrowed his eyes at his friend and asked, “What's wrong?” 

Steve had done an impressive amount of flailing that attempted to convey being nonchalant before replying, “Nothing, Buck! Nothing at all!” 

This morning, Bucky had awoken to his favorite donuts and had eaten one while eyeing Steve suspiciously the entire time. 

There was something wrong and Steve felt guilty about it. 

Which brings us back to the staring contest. Bucky learned early on in his life that Steve was absolute shit at keeping secrets and would poorly lie through his teeth until he finally cracked under pressure. Bucky also learned that the quickest and most effective way to apply the pressure was to glare at Steve until he cracked. 

Out of the corner of his eye he could see both Sam and Sarah sitting quietly and looking in-between the two friends with anticipation. Bucky really wanted to stop glaring for a second and take a picture because his boyfriend and goddaughter sitting in the same position next to each other was the absolute cutest thing he's seen all week but no, he had to stay focused on the current task at hand. 

He wondered what this would look like to an outsider who wasn't Sam, who didn't know that Steve and Bucky (especially Bucky) were weird as shit and would definitely be telepathically connected if they were hit with some radioactive mutant chemical like in the Deadpool movie that Sam had taken him to see for Valentine's Day. Bucky spent a long time thinking about how Steve, himself and Sam would mutate after watching that movie. He decided that he and Steve would develop a telepathic link that they would mostly use for torturing each other about dumb shit. Steve would also get super strength and throw cars at bad guys or something. Bucky himself already has a crazy strong cybernetic arm but besides telepathy maybe he could get really good senses and be able to hear everything or see super duper far or some shit. Bucky decided he liked that idea. Sam would get actual wings. Sam was in the falcon program in the Air Force and Bucky is pretty sure that for as beautiful as Sam is now, he would be absolutely otherworldly as a real angel with wings. The thought almost makes him smile but he stops himself because yes. Steven.

The two of them are sitting facing each other on the couch. Their young toddler and boyfriend spectators still watching them closely from the floor.

Finally, Steve breaks.

He throws his hands up in the air and lets out a frustrated scream, then flops back on the couch.  
“FINE! Fine! You win.”

 _Yes_! Bucky fist pumps the air. Sarah starts clapping. 

“Okay so Lorraine just gave me some _wonderful_...” He noticed his tone then rolls his eyes at himself for his appropriate but at times frustrating rule that he will never talk badly about Sarah's mother in front of her. He changes his tone of voice from “sarcastic and annoyed asshole single dad” to “super overly cheerful customer service rep reading a children's book” as he continues, “wonderful news! She wants to take some of my days with Sarah away. Says she needs to be with her more than she needs to be with me.”

Bucky cocks his head to the side. Lorraine is a strange, strange woman who seems to get some kind of thrill out of pushing Steve’s buttons. He wonders what the sex was like. He bets Steve was bossy. Steve’s always fucking bossy. Maybe she's just riling him up now to get her kink fulfilled and wow his mental dialogue just took a very, very strange turn. 

“So you told her that's not gonna fly, right?” Sam asks. He's giving Bucky a dirty look. Shit he can probably tell he's daydreaming during this great big secret reveal. He wishes he could telepathically thank Sam for the save. Man, being a mutant would be _so cool._

“I did. So then she says she's going to recommend someone from child services to come look at both our houses to make sure they're appropriate.” 

Bucky furrows his brow at this information. Steve’s apartment is great. Sarah has her own little space in the den, albeit a ridiculously tiny space (her dresser is in the hall) but it's a cute little room. The apartment is impeccably baby proofed. And _oh fuck she means me_.

“So, your decorated veteran of a best friend doesn't fall into the ‘appropriate’ category does it?”

Steve sags. “No. It doesn't. God I'm so sorry Buck. There has to be a way around this. I'm going to call the lawyer first thing Monday morning. I'm not putting you out.”

Bucky knows he's probably making a terribly sad face which is why Steve’s looking more and more like a kicked puppy with each word but he can't really help it because he really likes living with Steve and Sarah. The thought of being without them is making him really, really sad.

“What would you think about living with me?” Sam asks. Bucky turns his head to face him and- _oh my God Sarah is lying on his chest now with her thumb in her mouth oh my God_ \- wait a second did Sam just ask Bucky to move in with him?

“Did I just hear you correctly?”

“Yes you doodoo-head. Come live with me.” 

Bucky hears the click of a cellphone camera beside him. He leans over Steve’s phone to see the most adorable picture of Sarah lying on Sam and Bucky wants to see it behind his eyelids every second of every day so he tries to telepathically communicate _send it to me_ to Steve so he doesn't ruin the moment but Steve is also not a mutant so he settles for taking the phone out of Steve's hand and sending the picture to himself before saying, “Sam. I can afford a place on my own. You don't have to take me in.” 

“Do you want to live on your own?” 

“No.”

“Okay so come live with me.”

“Sammy we haven't even been together that long.”

“Okay, _Jimmy_ but I love you and I am asking you if you will please move in with me.”

The gravity of the moment hits Bucky then. Sam actually wants this. It's not out of pity, it's out of something Sam desires for the both of them. It makes his chest feel warm. 

“Oh Sammy I love you too.” Bucky gets off the couch then, the need to be close to Sam is too much. He lies down on the carpet next to Sam and gives him a little kiss before brushing their noses together gently. 

“Are you going to be able to put up with me all the time?” 

Sam scoffs “Of course.” 

Bucky smiles, “Good. Okay. Let's do it.” Then lays his head on sam's shoulder next to the top of Sarah’s head. 

Bucky hears the click of Steve's camera. 

Bucky's feeling very peaceful and not like talking so he does his best professor X impression and puts two of his metal fingers to his temple.

_Send it to me, Steve._

“Bucky, what the hell are you doing?” 

Bucky sighs. 

 

*******

 

Moving Bucky out of the apartment doesn't take as long as Bucky thought it would. Steve says there's no rush since the state agencies are always super backed up. He then goes on a 15 minute rant about bureaucratic problems while simultaneously feeding Sarah, so most of it is said in the cutesy baby voice he uses when he wants to entertain his daughter. It goes down as being one of Bucky’s top 15- maybe top 10 favorite Steve Rogers Rants. 

A week later, Bucky’s almost packed. He's going through a box of old baseball memorabilia that somehow crept into his apartment from his mom’s house. 

Sam’s lying on his bed facing him. 

“Are you scared?”

“About what? Moving in with you?” Bucky decides that a ticket stub from the mets vs. phillies game he went to in high school is worth saving. 

“Yup.” 

“I am. Terrified.” He tosses a half-ripped flyer for a baseball clinic he wanted to go to as a child in the trashcan.

“Why?” 

Sam is wise in ways Bucky doesn't understand. He's half convinced Sam is really a 100 year old man stuck in a 27 year old’s body. He thinks of a meme he saw on the internet about dermatologists and starts laughing.

“Buck I'm trying to have a serious conversation here.”

“Sorry, sorry.” Bucky takes a breath to steel himself. “There's a hundred things that could go wrong. We haven't been together that long. Six months down the road we could decide we hate each other.” 

Sam gets off the bed and comes to sit next to Bucky. He looks over into Sam’s dark eyes. They're honest and full of concern. 

“Do you think that's gonna happen?”

“On a good day no.” He puts down Jose Reyes’ baseball card from 2000 and interlocks his fingers with Sam’s. “On a bad day, I'm just waiting for it.”

Sam brings their intertwined hands to his lips and kisses Bucky’s fingers. It's his way of thanking Bucky for his honesty. 

“I love you so much.” Bucky tells him. 

Sam smiles, showing the gap in his teeth that Bucky loves so much. “I love you too.”

Moving day comes shortly after that. It only takes a few trips to get all of Bucky’s stuff into Sam’s apartment. Bucky and Steve have a weird “we’re attached at the hip and probably telepathic and I'm a little worried now that you're not like ten feet from me at all times” moment where they hug and Steve cries a little (but will never admit it). Sam and Bucky spend the rest of the day getting settled in, order Chinese for dinner and watch a terrible movie afterwards with a beer. 

All in all it's a successful day. It makes Bucky feel warm all over. 

They're lying in bed- _their bed_ for the first time. Bucky’s got his head pillowed on Sam’s chest and sam's playing with his hair in the way that he loves so much. He's so happy he feels like he might burst. He then wonders that if he were a mutant, would strong emotion make his powers stronger? He tries to telepathically ask Steve what he's doing to check his hypothesis.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“Trying to telepathically communicate with Steve.” Bucky puts two fingers to his temple. 

“Oh my god. I have never regretted anything more than taking you to see Deadpool. Stop trying to talk to Steve through your mind when we’re in bed.” He shimmies so that Bucky and him are eye to eye. 

Bucky smiles at Sam. He looks angelic with his brown skin being softly illuminated by the light coming from the window. He's beautiful. Bucky tells him.

Sam pokes his nose, “Stop trying to suck up. Hey, we have to christen these sheets.”

“We've already had sex in this bed before.” 

“Yes but these are your sheets from your old apartment.”

“We've had sex on them there too.”

“Well we haven't had sex with these sheets on this bed so there!” Sam punctuates his winning argument with a kiss. Bucky opens into it and slides his tongue into sam’s mouth. Sam rolls them so Bucky’s on top of him. Bucky bites sam’s lower lip softly and then kisses and nips at his ear. 

“Good point. Sammy, I love you.” Then starts working his way south on Sam’s body with his mouth. 

“I love you too baby, oh baby, yes _baby._ ”


	3. Girls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sarah learns a new trick. Steve gets a new crush.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out those new tags. ;)

Steve wakes up to a sloppy, wet kiss.

“Hi Daddy!”

“Hi.” He says sleepily. He blinks a few times. Sarah’s in his bed with her face right in his face. Her curly blonde hair is wild and in her eyes. Then it hits him.

“Why aren’t you in your crib?’

Sarah giggles, “I jump!”

Steve’s mouth falls open. Sarah’s 17 months old now. She runs, jumps and talks very well for her age. For some reason, Sam takes full credit for her great speech. Steve lets him because of how proud Sam looks every time he hears Sarah say a new word or phrase. 

“So… you jumped out of your crib to come get me?” He’s trying to picture it. The thought terrifies him. He remembers hearing stories from his mother about how he first climbed out of his crib at 9 months old. His mother had told him time and time again, “Steven Grant Rogers, you’re turning me gray before my time! I can’t WAIT until you have your own little rascal to drive you up the wall! I’m going to laugh and laugh!” The memory makes his chest ache. His mom had passed shortly after he had graduated high school. 

“Okay girlie. We have to do two things today.” He holds up two fingers to demonstrate. Sarah puts up all five. “1. We have to go get you a big girl bed so you don’t break your neck. 2. We need to go play with Granny.” 

Steve had been bringing Sarah to “play with Granny” since their first visit together. The two of them pack some snacks and toys, head down to his mom’s favorite florist where they grab some sunflowers (his mom’s favorite flower) and then head to the cemetery. They will sit and hang out next to his mom’s headstone for as long as Sarah’s patience will allow. Steve talks to his mom, filling her in on what’s been going on since their last visit. Steve remembers the first visit that he brought Sarah. He had cried then, sobbed for his daughter and mother and the relationship they could never have. Sarah cried too, being a four month old baby. The last visit they had, shortly after Sarah had turned one was immensely different. Sarah had waddled up to the headstone, kissed it and said “Hi Granny!” before sitting down and pulling clumps of grass out of the ground. Steve had cried then too. He always seems to.

The two of them get up and cook breakfast in their pjs. Well, Steve cooks. Sarah sits in her highchair and yells at Elmo on the TV. Bucky lets himself into the apartment shortly after breakfast is done. Sarah gives him a big, wet, open mouthed kiss. 

“That was a delicious and eggy kiss. Thank you.” he tells her while wiping his mouth on the back of his hand and then steals Steve’s toast.

“Buck why don’t you make your own toast at your own apartment?” Steve asks him before getting up to make himself some more toast. 

“Yours tastes better. Plus, I’m lazy.” Steve rolls his eyes and shoves Bucky gently before returning to his chair to eat his eggs. Bucky smells like lavender today. It must be a rough day for him. 

“You okay?” Steve questions through a mouthful of eggs. 

Bucky sighs then takes a big bite of toast, “Yeah. We’re headin’ into Jersey soon to see my Ma. Wanted to see if you guys wanted to come with.” 

Steve does. Since Bucky’s moved out he misses his friend. He misses Sam too. He ends up spending way more time at their apartment than he should. Neither of them have mentioned it and Steve’s always grateful. He’s been getting better at being alone the past few weeks. He feels good today and they do have a lot to get done. He shakes his head then asks his daughter, “Sarah, how many things do we have to do today?” 

She grins, holds up five fingers again and tells them both, “Elmo. Hi Granny.”

“Ah,” Bucky says knowingly. “Going to visit Ma?”

Steve nods.

“Tell her I said hi, okay?” 

“I will. I always do.” Bucky’s only joined him once to see his mother. He was already deployed and unable to get leave to when she passed. Steve thinks he probably feels really guilty about it. After the visit he had spent the next three days in his room with the lights off until Sarah came over. “We’re also getting a big girl bed.”

Bucky perks up, “Oh! Already?”

Steve chuckles, “Buck she woke me up this morning telling me how she jumped out of her crib.”

Bucky’s eyes get wide and he cracks up, “Your ma was right Stevie, just like you.”

 

They tackle bed shopping first. Steve spends a lot of time staring at different toddler-sized beds before deciding he hates all of them. They're either too plain or full of characters. He feels like he's being a bit of a stuck up artist, but then looks at his daughter babbling animatedly about the kitty on her shirt and decides he doesn't care. Just as they’re about to call it quits he spots an unpainted, unfinished frame in the corner. He flags down a salesman.

“This one’s one of those paint your own numbers. Only $79.”  
Steve smiles and starts brainstorming ideas. 

They arrive at the cemetery shortly after. Sarah’s fallen asleep in her stroller with one of her curly, blonde pigtails smushed into the cushion. Steve lets her be. He parks her adjacent to his mom’s headstone then sits down cross-legged in front of it, placing the sunflowers down neatly.

“Hey, mom.” He traces the letters of her name, the one she shares with his daughter and tries to keep his tears at bay. 

“Bucky moved out.” he laughs breathlessly to himself. “I know right? Didn’t think I would ever see the day. He says hi. He's doing so well, mom. You'd be so proud of him. Sam takes good care of him. He takes good care of Sam, too. I hope someday I can find someone to love me like that.” he pauses and looks over to his sleeping daughter. “If not, I always have her. She climbed out of her crib today, Ma. Gave me a heart attack just thinking about it. God Mom.” He takes a breath. “I’m sorry for everything I put you through. You were right, I’m going to get it tenfold. Just wait until she starts dating boys. I’ll have to stay in shape just for that.” 

He laughs again and the tears fall out of his eyes. “You think I would stop crying every time I see you, huh? You’ve been gone almost six years now. It’s been,” his breath hitches and he breathes deeply, “a really long time.” Then he stops talking for a while because his chest aches so badly. 

“Hi Granny! Hi Daddy!” Sarah’s awake now, bright-eyed and struggling to get out of her stroller. Steve wipes his eyes on his sleeve then gets her out, watching as she practically runs over to his mother’s headstone and gives it a kiss. She grins all over her little, chubby face and plops herself down into Steve’s lap. Steve’s trying so hard to stop crying, but can’t really get it under control. He wishes he could call Sam or Bucky without interrupting family dinner. Sarah spins to face him. She cocks her head in wonder and touches the tear tracks on his cheek. She pouts her bottom lip out. 

“Aww, Daddy.” she strokes his face as gently as she can manage (it’s more like a light slap) then puckers her lips and kisses him real wet and sloppy. “You’re okay.” and it breaks Steve’s heart into a million pieces. She’s copying what he and the other adults she loves say to her when she falls down or is sad. His sweet, beautiful girl trying to comfort him. He wishes it were that easy for his hurts, but he believes his daughter anyway. He gives her a tight squeeze and breathes in the scent of her hair. 

“You’re right. Daddy’s okay.”

 

******************************* 

It's quiet in Steve’s apartment. For the first few weeks he really enjoyed the quiet. It was so different from hearing Bucky and sometimes Sam move about the house at all hours of the day. Sarah kept him busy the days she was here. Work kept him busy too, but now that it's a calm Saturday afternoon and Sarah’s with her mom the quiet feels crippling, intense. 

He gets up and makes himself a bagel and brews some coffee. He misses his mom. He misses his baby girl. His heart hurts. He tries drawing. 

Steve stares down at the empty sketch pad on his lap. He doesn't really feel like drawing, he doesn't really feel like doing anything. He kinda feels like curling up in a ball and crying. He really, really misses his friends. 

Well that settles that then. Steve gets up, throws his sneakers on and leaves his apartment to head for Sam and Bucky’s. He walks down the stairs and down the hall to apartment number 2 and twists the doorknob. It's open so he walks in. 

Out of the corner of his eye he sees Bucky scrambling off of Sam’s lap onto the other side of the couch. He's only in his underwear and pulls a pillow on top of his crotch. Sam quickly covers himself with a blanket. 

“Hi Steve!” Sam says a little too cheerfully and breathlessly to not be flustered.

It takes Steve a minute for his brain to catch up to what his eyes just saw. He totally just interrupted something. He blushes. Oops. He sits down in the recliner across from the couch. He's too miserable to care that he's being the world’s biggest cockblock, so he doesn't get up, apologize profusely and leave.

“Hi guys. Buck I like your hair like that. Why haven't I seen it up before?” Bucky’s got his hair tied back in a little bun. 

“That's his sex hairstyle.” Sam informs him. Steve scrunches up his face and blushes again. 

“You're really just gonna sit down? Also, thank you.” Bucky sounds extremely annoyed but like he was really flattered by Steve’s compliment. Steve starts to pout a little. This is already making him feel so much worse. 

“Bucky look he's pouting, stop being mean.” Sam says.

Bucky gives an exasperated growl then looks at Steve really, really hard with his eyes narrowed like he's been doing a lot lately. Steve has no fucking idea what it's about but knowing Bucky it could be anything. The other night Bucky had called him around midnight and asked him, “Do you ever hear me talking to you inside your head?” And when Steve had replied “Bucky what the fuck are you talking about?” He had just hung up. Steve’s been around Bucky enough to just let things like that go. He's always been weird. Steve remembers one time when they were nine when he spoke solely in an awful British accent for three weeks. He refused to answer to anything besides “old chap.” 

Steve raises his hands letting Bucky know he is very confused which makes Bucky click his teeth and mumble “dammit”. 

“I'm not pouting.” He whines turning to face Sam. He is a very manly father and an army captain. He doesn't pout. 

“You are.” Sam tells him frankly, then softens. “Tell me what's wrong.”

Steve sighs.

“I miss you guys and Sarah and my house is so quiet it's eating me alive.” 

Steve hears Bucky mumble “dammit” again. Probably because the chance of him actually having sex today went straight out the window. Steve knows that the three of them will above all else take care of each other when necessary. 

“I bet your house doesn't smell like hippie sweat anymore though. That's a plus.” Sam says smiling.

Steve smiles back at that. “It doesn't. Took a few days of opening all the windows though.” Bucky uses different oils and incense to help manage his anxiety. His room always kinda smelled like a very old fortune teller lived in it. Maybe he's taken up fortune telling in his spare time. Maybe that's what all the weird looks are about. 

“I do NOT smell like hippie sweat.”

“Baby, you smell like you're straight outta Woodstock. Give it up.”

Bucky clicks his teeth again at his boyfriend and makes a finger gun at him with his metal hand. He throws the pillow that was covering his crotch at Sam’s head before turning to walk down the hallway, presumably to get dressed mumbling, “I'm locking the door next time.”

Sam chuckles at Bucky’s antics before addressing Steve again. 

“So you're lonely and it's making you feel like shit.”

Steve nods. 

Bucky returns fully clothed and plops down next to Sam on the couch. Sam’s still covered by a blanket almost completely, just the tips of his shoulders poking out. Steve wonders if he's naked under the blanket and feels guilty all over again. 

“Stop makin that face, punk. Nobody’s mad at you.” Bucky tells him and it makes Steve smile a little. “Though, you can't just rely on us for company.”

Sam nods.

“Steve, when was the last time you had a date?” 

Steve thinks for a second before answering. “The night Sarah was conceived.”

Sam lets out a low whistle. “Okay. So it's been a little while for you huh?”

Bucky snorts, “I think Steve has been on two first dates his entire life. One in high school with my neighbor Sharon Carter’s cousin, Peggy, who Steve lost his virginity to.” 

The mention of Peggy makes Steve smile. The two of them had a really fun couple of summers together when Peggy had come to visit her family in New York from England. Steve always thought the two of them would end up married with a bunch of kids who had horrible half-Brooklyn half-British accents before Peggy decided to attend university in England and never return. It's been almost ten years since they've seen each other, but still keep in contact on Facebook. 

Bucky continues, “And the other was Lorraine who was his girlfriend turned ‘I'm home on leave’ hook up until the whole…” He makes a sweeping gesture with his right hand, “secret baby thing.” 

Steve nods. Bucky’s right. 

 

“Okay so let me rephrase that. You have zero idea how adult dating works. Have you thought about dating recently?”

Steve has. He says so. “Yes, but with Sarah it's really hard.” He screws his face up then offers another truth, “Plus it's terrifying.” 

“True.” Bucky says. “But when you're ready to start lookin’ you'll be able to find someone.” 

Steve opens his mouth to protest but Bucky interrupts him, “You will! Plenty of people will date a parent. Look at my Ma!” 

Bucky’s right again. His dad had passed when the two of them were young. His mom had stayed single and focused on her two children (and her honorary son Steve) until Bucky’s youngest sister, Becca had graduated high school. Then she decided she had had enough of the single life, went on Match.com and met John- a really nice investment banker from New Jersey. The two of them hit it off quickly and got married a few years ago. Bucky, Steve and his sister love John. John loves them (and somehow found it in his heart to love Steve too). Maybe he could find somebody who will love both Sarah and him. He likes the idea of that. 

“Okay. Okay. I'll try.” 

“Nice!” Bucky claps his hands together. “Okay Sammy-whammy, operation ‘Get Stevie a Date’ is in action.”

“Jimmy-B, while I'm pretty sure that Steve will need every ounce of our help when the time comes, we should let him figure this one out on his own. He's gotta be comfortable. Plus, have you ever been on a single date with a woman that didn't end up in a one night stand?”

“Nope.” Steve answers for him. Bucky’s been with plenty of women, but has only dated men long term.

Bucky frowns and gives Sam one of those really hard looks. He narrows his eyes and stares hard at Sam before Sam rolls his eyes and puts his hand over Bucky’s face. 

“So Steve, you know what you gotta do! Now close your eyes so I can get up. I gotta pee and I'm naked under this thing.”

 

*******

Steve works for The Maria Stark Art Foundation. It's a subsidiary of Stark Industries that caters specifically to the arts. The services the company provides range from opening art galleries to teaching art to young children. Steve does a bit of everything. He's not quite sure how someone with his experience (absolutely nothing that has to do with the fine arts, nonprofits, teaching ect) could end up with his job, but he has a feeling it has to do with his metal-armed best friend who’s pals with Tony Stark himself. Steve likes to pretend it's not a possibility. 

Steve’s favorite days are Tuesdays and Thursdays when he teaches an art class to a great group of ten year old kids from Queens. Today is Tuesday and his students are drawing still lifes. They're starting out with the basic stuff. Today they're drawing a bowl of fruit Steve has placed in the center of the classroom. 

“Mr. Rogers come help me!” One of his students demands. It's Kate Bishop, because of course it is. Kate is very talented and very demanding. She loves art while her parents try their very hardest to push her into the sciences. Attending Steve’s afternoon art class twice a week was their compromise. 

“Katie try that again in a nice voice please.” Steve has to pretend to readjust some of the fruit in the bowl so she doesn't see his smile. 

Kate grunts in frustration then tries again, “Mr. Rogers, will you please come and help me?”

Steve smiles outwardly now, “Of course! How could I say no when you asked so nicely.”

Kate rolls her eyes but scoots her chair over so that Steve can come closer to her drawing. 

“Mr. Rogers.”

In the room walks Natasha Romanoff, assistant to the CEO. Steve thinks she's absolutely wonderful. She doesn't take shit from anyone. She does her job and does it well. She's also completely and utterly stunning and manages to turn Steve into a sputtering idiot 90% of the time by just being in the same room as him, which is why Steve’s absolutely terrified of her. 

“Ms. Romanoff.”

She gives him a smile, “When you're done here could you meet me in my office? I need to meet with you about the budget. Nothing bad don't you worry.” Her eyes are sparkling.

Steve sputters, “Sure. Of course. Right after this.”

Her smile widens, “Right after this.” She turns on her heel, her long red hair trailing after her like some kind of romantic sunset metaphor that Steve can't come up with right now and exits the room.

“Um. Mr. Rogers.” 

Oh shit. Right. Kate. 

“Yes Kate?” 

“Is that your girlfriend?”

“What?! No! Why would you even say that Kate? Of course not!”

“Why do you look at her like you want to kiss her?”

“I don't want to kiss her? Why would I want to kiss her?” Steve’s stuttering and bright red.

Katie shrugs, “Well she looks at you like she wants to kiss you too.”

“Really? You think? Wait you are ten years old. Draw your apples. Nobody’s kissing anyone today.”

Kate smiles but gets back to work.

 

After class, Steve does what he is told and makes his way to Natasha’s office. When he arrives, she's engrossed in something with her brow furrowed in concentration. Steve really does want to kiss her. Damn you, Kate. What an insightful ten year old.

He knocks on the doorframe gently. 

“Hey, you wanted to see me?”

“Yes! Mr. Rogers come in.” She gestures to one of the chairs that faces hers.

“Oh-okay. But please call me Steve.”

She laughs and says, “Okay Steve.”

Steve smiles back at her like a real dope. Then the two of them are kind of just smiling at each other for a moment before Natasha takes a deep breath and continues. 

“Well, as you can see, here,” she slides a piece of paper towards him on the desk, “is our updated 2016 budget.”

Steve analyzes the paper carefully. His eyes must bug out of his head because Natasha starts laughing. 

“Ms. Romanoff that's more than double what it was before!”

She looks absolutely delighted at his excitement. “I know! Isn't it wonderful! Oh, also if I'm to call you Steve then you should call me Natasha.” 

Steve nods his head so hard it might fall off. “Okay Natasha.” Then collects himself quickly “So, that's great about the uh budget.” 

“It is. But that's not the only reason I called you in here.”

“Oh. It's not?” And suddenly without his permission his mind fills with fantasies about bending Natasha right over her desk. Oh geeze, maybe she could sit right on top of it in front of him, make him get down on his knees then swing her high-heeled foot over his shoulder and let him go down on her until she screams.

“No. It's not.” She says, snapping Steve out of his fantasy. He wills his cheeks not to redden and is mostly successful. “You remember I interviewed you here.” He nods. It was terrifying. “I remember three things more than anything else about you: you're from Brooklyn and were a master tactician in the army. So,” she stands and leans past her computer to pull something from the other side of her desk. “We are really looking to expand our services to Brooklyn. I am lead on the project, and since you know the community much better than I do and are a skilled planner and manager I was wondering if you would be the second in command for this project.” 

Steve’s stunned, amazed. “Wow, Natasha. What an honor. Of course!” 

She grins, “That's great, Steve!” Her grin slides off of her face. “I do need to tell you, it's going to be a lot of extra hours. We will be compensated of course, but I do know you have a daughter.”

Steve nods, “She's not with me all the time. She spends half her time with her mom. We also have some-” he searches for the correct words to call Sam and Bucky, “really supportive family that will be willing to help out.” 

Natasha looks at him softly, “Steve there's a lot of things we will be doing that you could even take her on. At first we will be doing a lot of location scouting. I'm not sure why she couldn't tag along.” She seems really excited about it all. Steve tries not to find it sexy.

He smiles brightly, “That's- wow- thank you for this Natasha.” 

“My pleasure. We will talk more next week. I'm looking forward to working with you.” She stands to signal the end of their meeting. Steve follows her to the door of her office before he remembers something. 

“What was the third thing?”

She turns around, “What?”

“The third thing. You said you remembered three things about me from my interview but only told me two so far.” He's not sure why he's asking, probably just to delay having to leave her presence. 

“Oh!” Then she _blushes_ and says, “You’re the most devastatingly handsome man I've seen in years.” Then she opens the door of her office for Steve and grins slyly at him. Her voice is low, teasing and sensual when she says, “Have a good night, Mr. Rogers.”

Steve smiles politely and leaves the office. When he hears the door shut he exhales the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding and slaps his hand over his face. 

Yeah, he's looking forward to working with her too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the most nervous I've ever been while posting a chapter. I agonized for a while (I still am a little) about if this should be an ot3 fic or not. I decided I just love Sam and Bucky's relationship too much. I also have some big plans for Natasha in this story. She's going to end up being really, really cool. I would love to hear your thoughts on Steve/Nat! 
> 
> Also, there's a ficlet on my tumblr that will explain why Sam takes credit for why Sarah speaks so well. Hint: he's good at teaching her new words.
> 
>  
> 
> [ find it here](http://unclesteeb.tumblr.com/post/144784047691/sambucky-babysitting-and-the-baby-is-learning-to)
> 
>  
> 
> As always, thanks for reading :)
> 
> Come chat with me on [tumblr](http://unclesteeb.tumblr.com)


	4. Dance It Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam Wilson realizes that sometimes, just being in love is enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first song Sam and Bucky dance to is So Beautiful by Musiq Soulchild  
> https://youtu.be/LgPpowVNEfE
> 
> The second song is The Lovers Side by Shake Shake Go  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cB3rSkiGZiE

Sunday morning yoga, was definitely the best time of Sam’s week. 

He had just watched his boyfriend shimmy around in very tight pants for about an hour, so Sam was a happy man. Bucky looked sexy as hell when he did yoga. He takes it very seriously, breathing deeply and holding a multitude of poses that spark Sam’s imagination like wildfire. 

Bucky’s meditating now, sitting sniper-still and breathing deeply. 

They've been living together for two months now and an official couple for 7. Things were going really damn well. Bucky had been covering his rent and bills with his military pension, but recently started working a few days a week at this guy Clint’s mechanic shop. At first Sam was weary of Bucky’s new boss. The guy looks like he's drunk and just got into a fist fight the night before 90% of the time, and he wears a lot of purple, but Bucky had taken an instant liking to him when they met at a bar a few months back and he proved to be a great friend to Bucky, so Sam relented. Bucky had light up like a Christmas tree when Clint had whooped his ass at darts. According to Steve, this was a great feat. Oh, and not to mention Sam had recently found out that Clint actually owned their entire apartment building in Bed-Stuy. He hoped having his boyfriend be buddies with the building owner would come in handy if they ever had to be late on rent. 

Sam continued to watch Bucky meditate. He had been at it for a while now, longer than normal. It was expected though, because today Bucky was going to meet his sister, Sarah and his niece, Jody. 

Sarah and Jody lived outside of Atlanta. Sarah was a few years older than Sam and had gone down there for college, met a great guy named Marc whom she married and never returned to New York. Sam and Sarah were impossibly close and have been since they were children. Sarah knew more about Bucky than anyone else in his family. Sam had started bitching about him shortly after they had first met, when Bucky was still giving him dirty looks every time he walked into Steve’s apartment. Sarah had told Sam to “either fuck him or tell him to fuck off”, already seeing feelings in Sam that he hadn't realized himself. When Sam called her to tell her they had gotten together, she had literally screamed so loud Sam dropped his phone. 

Bucky doesn't see any of that when he thinks of meeting Sarah, Marc and Jody. He just sees the end of his first dinner with Sam’s mom.

It had gone well, really. Sam’s mom was a protective lady, having had her own husband get murdered a few blocks away from their house trying to break up a neighborhood brawl when Sam was a teenager. She had taken a liking to Bucky- or as she called him- James right away. Bucky had worked damn hard at regaining the sparkling, charming personality his torture and military service had cost him. Sam knows it takes a lot for him to turn it on, especially around new people, but he had done so flawlessly during their dinner. Sam’s mom had sent them both home with leftovers, and two extra plates for Bucky to bring to baby Sarah and Steve. It was only when they were leaving that she had stood herself tall against Bucky, poked him square in the chest and told him, “Don't you _dare_ hurt my baby boy.”

Bucky had agonized over it for weeks. He had shut himself into his bedroom back at Steve’s for days until Sarah came to visit and his sense of obligation to both Steve and his goddaughter overrode his self doubt. It took another week for Sam to get him to open up about it. He had told Sam that he had spent so long hurting and killing people that he was petrified of continuing the cycle. Sam had done his best to assure Bucky that they were going to be fine. Bucky eventually shook himself out of his funk, had some really awesome, apologetic make up sex with Sam that blew his mind for days, and then attended dinner with Sam and his mom twice monthly since then. He had gotten more relaxed with every Sunday dinner, but the new addition of Sarah, Jody and Marc threw him for a loop. 

Sam decided that his statue-boyfriend had been still for long enough. “Come on, Buck. That isn't working. Time to Dance It Out.”

Dancing It Out was a technique that Steve and Bucky had developed in middle school. Steve, believe it or not, was a shrimpy little thing until he was about 16. Bucky had always been tall and strikingly handsome. According to Bucky, Steve had spent most of his teenage years being bummed out and angry about something. Bucky had taken the obvious route to cheering up his friend and forced him to dance. They'd dance to fast songs and slow songs, changing up their routine and laughing until they both felt better. The first time Sam had witnessed Steve and Bucky Dancing It Out was right after Bucky and him had gotten together. Baby Sarah had spent her night screaming absolute bloody murder. The three of them tried everything to cheer her up to no avail. Probably minutes before the three of them would have all spiraled into some terrible PTSD breakdown Bucky had stood up abruptly and yelled, “DANCE IT OUT!” before throwing on a Katy Perry song and dancing idiotically with Steve. He pulled Sam into his arms to join them and the four of them had danced until Sarah had burped loudly then puked all over Steve’s clothes. Apparently pork didn't agree with her.

Bucky cracked an eye open without moving and looked up at Sam. 

“Really?”

“Yes really.” Sam reached a hand out to help him up. “I'm picking the music too.”

Sam choose an older song he's loved for years. It's a slow, soulful tune. He pulls Bucky in close and kisses the side of his mouth. Bucky gives him a little attempt of a smile as they sway to the beat of the music. Sam’s hands are wrapped around Bucky’s waist. Bucky slips both of his hands into the top of Sam’s boxers. The left one’s so cold it makes Sam shiver. Bucky giggles quietly and wrinkles his nose. 

Sam loves him so goddamn much, so he starts to sing, looking into Bucky’s blue eyes.

“Girl don't you know. You're so beautiful. I wanna give all my love to you girl. Not just a night but the rest of your life. I wanna be always here by your side.” 

Bucky’s smile grows. He closes his eyes and rubs his cheek against Sam’s before joining in, knowing and loving the song himself.

“I wanna be always here by your side.”  
___________________________________

“I like him. Damn, Sam. The pictures you guys put up on Facebook don't do him justice.”

He and Sarah are sitting on the couch in his mom’s living room. Dinner had gone beautifully, and now the two siblings are watching Bucky and Marc chat with his mom while she snuggles with Jody. 

Sarah leans in close to him. “Plus he's got that funky robot arm thing. Perfect for a freak like you.”

Sam starts to say “I'm not a freak!” But then stutters when he remembers one of his favorite uses for Bucky’s metal arm. 

Sarah snorts. “Ew, gross. Don't wanna know.”  
Then she gets serious. “Really, Sam. I like him a lot. You're both good for each other. You need to both not fuck it up.” 

Sam takes his sister’s hand in his. “All we can do is exactly that.”

___________________________________

Sam works in Harlem at a group home for teenage boys. He's a caseworker there and absolutely loves his job. It's not easy. A lot of these kids come from fucked up families or don't have anyone at all. A lot of them count down the days until they're 18 and can be released. Sam thinks that he can make a difference with even those kids. He hopes what he tells them will root itself deep inside their minds for a time when they're ready to use what they were given. Not all the kids are miserable, though. Sam has created a pretty strong relationship with a few of them. He's the only positive male figure that some of them have had for years, maybe their whole lives. He takes that responsibility seriously and gives each one of his kids 110% every day, no matter how shitty his Monday morning is. And this one was bad.

Sam had woken up to Bucky screaming.

“LET ME GO!”

Sam shot out of the bed. He knew not to touch Bucky during one of these nightmares. Bucky was terrified of hurting Sam with his stronger-than-normal metal arm. Apparently the first time Steve had tried to wake him after Bucky got home, he had gotten hit so hard in his face that he had cracked a cheekbone. Bucky had never forgiven himself for that, so he sleeps with his flesh hand closest to Sam, just in case. 

“Bucky!” Sam tried to wake him from beside the bed. 

“HELP!”

“Bucky!” Sam tried, louder. 

“Please. Please help me. Stop, I can't handle any more.” Bucky had fat tears rolling down his face. Sam couldn't take it anymore. He went into the kitchen and found the biggest saucepan they had. He grimaced, and thanked his lucky stars that the old lady who lives under them (and sometimes deals Bucky weed) was mostly deaf. He raised the pan above his head then dropped it. 

The pan make a loud banging crack. Bucky shot up in bed, shaking violently. He looked at Sam with wild, terrified eyes for a second before lying back down and curling tightly into himself. 

Sam breathed a sigh of relief and took a tentative step closer.  
“Hey, baby. You're okay. You're safe. Here with me at our apartment. Just had a nightmare. Can I touch you?”

Bucky was still shaking, fresh tears rolling down his cheeks. He shook his head.

“Bucky, baby, I know you're not going to hurt me.” Sam tried again. 

Bucky shook his head and croaked out, “No.”

“Okay,” Sam knew that Bucky was terrified, and that pushing him wouldn't make anything better, but he also knew that today was a big hugs, lavender and a rare Xanax kind of day from the looks of it. “I'm going to go get your lavender. We will try that first. Want me to call Steve?” 

As much as it made Sam feel like shit, sometimes the only thing that Bucky wanted after an especially bad nightmare was for Steve to come sit with him and whisper all the Gaelic comfort phrases that their moms used to tell them when they were little and sick. Sam hates that he can't always be the one to help Bucky, but Steve is a damn good guy and he supposes being cuddled and spoken to in a language only the both of them know would make him feel better too. 

Bucky shook his head again. 

Sam sighed and then went to retrieve the lavender and coconut oil mixture that Bucky keeps in their bathroom cabinet. 

Bucky’s stopped crying by the time he returns, but is still shaking. 

“Bucky I'm going to come closer now to put some of this on this on your neck.”

“Okay.” It breaks Sam’s heart to hear his boyfriend’s voice sound like that- raspy from screaming and impossibly small. 

Sam gently rubs the lavender oil into Bucky’s neck and behind his ears. Bucky closes his eyes at the touch and relaxes a little when the calming scent hits him. 

“There you go. I love you, Buck.”

Bucky manages to croak out, “You too.” And it's more than enough. 

Sam stays by Bucky’s side until he has to leave for work. Bucky’s off of work today so that works in their favor. He eventually relaxes and Sam leaves him eating breakfast and watching Parks and Recreation. He still looks like a zombie, but Sam really hates being late.

His coworker Linda strolls into his office about thirty minutes after he arrives. Linda is by far his favorite coworker. She's always bright and cheerful and really damn funny. She's wearing her hair in long braids today. Sam’s about to tell her how much he loves it when he notices the look on her face.

“What happened?”

“Ronnie’s dead.” 

Ronnie was a 16 year old kid, born and raised in Harlem, his house just two blocks from Sam’s childhood home. His parents were drug addicts that chose the streets over their two children, Ronnie and his older brother Shawn, time and time again. Shawn had done his best to raise his brother and had taken to dealing drugs to make ends meet. Ronnie had quickly followed in his brother’s footsteps. The two of them had recently been involved in a drug bust. Ronnie was underage and without a guardian so he was released from the detention center to the group home and placed into Sam’s caseload.

Ronnie was an angry, angry kid. He had spent his first few meetings with Sam trying to burn holes in the carpet with his eyes instead of talking. The few things he did offer let Sam know that he would rather be out on the streets again, or even back in the detention center than be here. He was a damn good kid though, loyal as ever and smart as hell.

“How?”

Linda took a step closer to him. 

“He was walking with some of the other kids home from school. Ran into some old acquaintances. Apparently Shawn owed a lot of money to someone high up. They took him out right there. Wrong place, wrong time.” 

Sam can't breathe right. “The other kids?”

“Fine. Shaken up but fine. No one else in your caseload.” 

Sam nods. It's all he can manage. Linda comes around his desk and places a gentle hand on his shoulder. “You did the best you could, Sam.”

The words echo in his head all morning. He tries to get things done. He really does. But he can't help but replay every conversation he's had with Ronnie over and over. Maybe he could have said something different. Maybe they could have gotten Ronnie into a home further from where he lived. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

Sam takes his lunch break around one and shoots Bucky a text.

 **Me:** one of my kids got murdered last night.

He waits for a response. He tries to pick at his burger but ends up throwing it in the trash. He returns to work. He replays everything again and again and again. He waits for a response some more. He finishes his shift without completing a single task or meeting with a single kid. No one says anything about it. He rides the subway back to Bed-Stuy. He continues to wait for a response. He gets _mad_.

Logically he knows that Bucky’s probably taken a Xanax and passed the fuck out again, but he can't help but get pissed off. He needs Bucky. Needs him bad. Where the fuck is he? How dare he? He was up at the ass crack of dawn taking care of Bucky this morning. Where’s he now?

Sam finds himself standing outside of his apartment, listening. He doesn't see lights under the door or hears a TV like he normally would. Bucky’s not awake. He doesn't want to go in.

He walks up the steps to number four, Steve’s apartment, and raps on the door.

Steve’s holding a pencil when he opens it. He has his glasses that swears he only has to wear when he's tired on and Sam can see papers strewn about on the desk. At first he looks flustered from the interruption. Then Steve’s face softens at the sight of Sam.

“Come here.” 

Steve pulls him through the door, kicks it shut with his foot and wraps him into a tight hug. Sam starts to cry. 

He tells Steve about Ronnie. Every detail he can remember from their conversations down to the color of his sneakers. He tells Steve about Bucky screaming himself hoarse in fear, and then not even responding when Sam needed him. He tells Steve every shitty detail of his shitty day and lets himself cry. Steve hugs him through it, moving them both to the couch to sit comfortably. He listens to every word.

Sam feels lighter, better. His head hurts from hunger and crying so Steve heats him up some leftover pasta. That makes him feel better too. 

“Am I a shitty person for being mad at Bucky?” 

Steve exhales. He's choosing his words carefully. He always does. It's one of Sam’s favorite things about him. 

“No. Because you're a person. But so is he. And until you hear his side of the story, you have to try and be rational about it. I don't think Bucky would ignore you without a good reason. Even if that good reason is being in a drug-induced sleep. But Sam, you can't hold an expectation for him to react a certain way about everything. You're setting yourself up to get pissed off every time he does something a little differently.”

Sam sighs because Steve’s right. All of a sudden he just wants to go home. He thanks Steve, and gives him another big hug before heading down to his apartment.

When he walks in Bucky’s sitting at the dining room table with his phone in his hands. Sam’s earlier assumption was right. He must have just woken up. His hair is everywhere and his eyes are puffy. Sam wants nothing more than to touch him, so he does, rushing over and sitting himself in Bucky’s lap. Bucky pulls him close. The two of them stay wrapped up in each other for a while. Bucky breaks the silence first.

“I'm so sorry.” He kisses the top of Sam’s head. “For your kid, and for not answerin’. Fuck I'm sorry.”

Sam wants to tell him how mad he is at him. How hurt. He wants to yell and scream. He wants to cry about Ronnie some more. But Bucky smells like sweat, sleep breath and lavender so he just buries his nose further into Bucky’s neck and managed to mumble “It’s okay.” Into his skin. 

Bucky gives him a little squeeze then pulls back. 

“Come on, we’re Dancing It Out.”

Sam groans, “Really?”

Bucky gives him a little smile. “Yes, really. Come on Sammy.”

He puts on a slow indie song that Sam’s only heard a few times before then pulls Sam close. Their chests are touching and he interlocks his right hand with Sam’s left before swaying them back and forth. He starts to sing to Sam. 

“Look at where we stand. Bitter hearts and empty hands. I don't wanna walk alone anymore. It's cold on the floor, used to be warm”

Bucky spins and dips him. Sam laughs. Bucky looks beautiful, sleepy, and a little sad. Sam fucking loves him.

“And as the days grow longer will you still reach out to me? The sand is only beautiful by the sea.” 

Sam removes his hand from Bucky’s to cup his face. He's smiling brightly at Sam, the corners of his eyes crinkle up and his nose wrinkles. He has dark shadows under his eyes and his cheeks lack the color they normally do. Bucky wraps his other arm around Sam and keeps swaying them back and forth gently. 

“Now our soul divides. Will you choose where lovers side. I'll be waiting at the end of the road  
to feel like before. I know even more I love you.”

He kisses Sam softly and sings against his lips, resting their foreheads together.

“Yeah, yeah I know even more now, even more now, even more now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks, as always for reading and for all the great feedback from the last chapter! I'm seriously loving all the comments. You guys are wonderful!
> 
> Sam's family is taken directly from his comic book history here.


	5. The Brooklyn Project

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Natasha get to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While reading, please imagine Chris Evans in that little white polo he wore at the Civil War premiere in Singapore.

“Nat what are your plans for Memorial Day?” 

Steve’s been working with her almost constantly for almost a month now on their Brooklyn expansion project. It's been going very well. The two of them have already outlined the services their company will provide in their new Brooklyn location. They've spent hours pouring over their new budget to properly allocate the funds into where they should go. They've interviewed existing staff about transferring or adding hours at their new center. They've even put some feelers out in the community for new staff members and new clientele alike. Steve’s days have been filled with Natasha- her smile, her laugh, her dumb jokes, the sweet scent of her hair when she leans in close- and he doesn't think he's been happier at work. His nights have been full of Sarah, Sam and Bucky. His dreams have also been full of Natasha, but he tries not to relive them too much.

“Well Rogers, I don't considering it was last week and we spent it in an empty office building pouring over maps and paperwork together.

Oh. Well make that just over a month then.

Steve laughs. “Time flies when you're having fun I guess.”

Natasha tosses a balled up piece of paper at him.

“If I knew you were such a dork I would have picked a different partner for this project.” 

Steve scoffs, “Yeah right. You're loving every minute of my charming company.”

Natasha looks up at him smirking. She shrugs. “You're right. I am.”

That’s also happening a lot too. The more he works with Natasha, the more the two of them flirt. It hasn't progressed to anything more than that. It's not like Steve doesn't want it to, he just has no idea how to ask the woman who’s your boss, “Hey wanna grab some dinner with me in a totally romantic way?” Steve enjoys their playful banter. Natasha seems like she does too. Steve has absolutely not told Bucky and Sam about it, since Bucky would probably obsesses over it and end up stalking him and Natasha to see it for himself. Natasha seems like the type of girl that has a few tricks up her sleeve. She would probably catch Bucky stalking them within the first five minutes and then Steve would never, ever get a chance with her. Steve’s thought about it a lot. He's being really smart honestly. 

They start location scouting that Saturday. It's his weekend with Sarah, but Bucky and Sam were more than happy to watch her for the few hours he’ll be gone. He dresses Sarah in a cute blue romper Sam bought her as an extra thank you (Sam loves when he puts Sarah in outfits that he buys her). 

Dressing himself proves to be much harder. It's a Saturday and hot so he doesn't much feel like wearing business casual. He tries a button down with a pair of jeans but nixes that quickly. He digs through his closet. He wants to look professional, but also remind Natasha that under his work clothes he has really nice muscles. 

“A ha!” 

In the back of his closet he finds a white polo of Sam’s that has somehow made its way into his clothing (Bucky probably stole it and then threw it into Steve’s wash). It's half a size too small. Perfect. He throws on a pair of dark jeans, grabs his baseball cap then turns to Sarah.

“How do I look?”

Sarah points at him, then jumps and yells “A ha!”, copying his exclamation from before.

 

“Okay so she already ate lunch. Try putting her down for a nap in about an hour.” 

“Will do. Right, princess?” Sam tells them both in turn. He notices her outfit and flashes a big gapped tooth grin. Then he notices Steve’s. 

“Is that my shirt? It's way too tiny for you, Steve! You're stretching the shoulders out! What kind of work are you doing exactly?” He stands up and takes a step closer to Steve. 

“Uh, uh.”

Then he hears a loud thump and a crash followed by a bedroom door flinging open with a bang and footsteps thundering down the hall towards them.

Bucky comes sliding into the living room, chest heaving. Steve’s about to ask what the hell he was doing but then Bucky puts his hands on his hips and cocks his head. Uh oh.

“Hmm.” He says then narrows his eyes and looks Steve up and down. 

He starts to glare at Steve.

Sam sighs, “Buck are you really gonna do this now? He's heading to work.”

Bucky keeps glaring for a second before his features soften and he says “Lose the hat, go get your glasses. They make you look smart and dashing.” before glaring hard at Steve again. 

Steve gulps. He can already feel the words “HER NAME IS NATASHA ROMANOFF AND I REALLY LIKE HER.” Forming at the tip of his tongue before he gathers himself, laughs nervously then kisses Sarah and bolts out the front door.

The location they found turns out to be nice. It's a newer office building in an industrial part of town, which Steve knows will never do for what they're trying to achieve within the community. Steve and Natasha tour it with the owner before Natasha gives the man a polite smile and asks if they can have a private minute to discuss the property fully. They both watch the man walk away and then Natasha moves close up into Steve’s space so they can properly whisper.

“What do you think?” She crinkles up her face. Steve can tell they have the same opinion and is just making sure they agree. She's close enough so that Steve would only have to move a few inches to kiss her. It makes Steve hot all over. 

Steve glances around the space. “This is definitely not the right neighborhood.” He smirks and looks her right in the eyes. “The view inside it is pretty nice though.”

Her eyebrows lift at his blatant flirtation. She lets him see her look him up and down. “I thought so too.” Then she wraps one of her small hands around his bicep. “I really like this shirt.”

 

The second location visit comes the following Wednesday. The neighborhood is much better, busy and residential. Steve’s excited at the prospect. What he's not excited about, however, is the fact that the owner is 45 minutes late for their showing. 

He sighs and sits down next to Natasha on the stoop. 

“Any word?” 

Natasha blows and pops a big gum bubble. “Nope.”

“Dammit. This one really had potential. I'm sorry, Natasha. The guy confirmed with me less than an hour before we left the office.”

She smiles at him and gives his arm a little pat. “It's okay Steve. Some people have no sense of time.”

Steve checks his cellphone again. 5:30.

“Shit!” He yells. “Speaking of people with no sense of time, I have to pick up my daughter from daycare like right now. It's not far. I could call my friend Sam and ask him to get her-”

“Hey.” She interrupts, “No that's totally okay.” She pauses and fiddles with the handle of her purse before looking up at him, “Why don't I go with you though, just in case he decides to show. We could just head back together.” 

“Well, yeah” he sputters, suddenly really nervous. Lorraine dropped Sarah off at school today, Steve hopes she's dressed in a cute outfit for some reason. “Sure! Let's do that.”

When they arrive at Sarah’s school, Natasha waits outside while Steve goes in to pick her up. She is wearing a cute green dress with stars on it (thank god, Steve thinks. Then he wonders why he wants Sarah to make a good impression so much) and her hair is tied up in pigtails with green ribbons to match. Sarah and him walk hand in hand out of the school to meet Natasha. 

Natasha smiles brightly at the sight of them. 

“Sarah, this is my friend Natasha. Can you say hi?”

Sarah wraps herself around his leg but gives Natasha a little smile. “Hi ‘atasha.”

Natasha giggles, delighted at Sarah’s attempt at her name before leaning down to her eye level and greeting her. 

Steve’s suddenly aware that he's not ready to say goodbye as they planned.

“Hey if you want, we’re going to just grab dinner at the diner down the street. Maybe you could join us?”

Natasha smiles brightly, “I'd love to.”

 

Sarah’s munching on a chicken nugget in her booster seat when Natasha asks her, “Sarah, what's your favorite thing to do?” 

Sarah gives her a toothy grin. “Dance with Daddy and Bug and Ham.” 

Steve laughs. Bug and Ham are the names Sarah’s recently given to Bucky and Sam. The three of them are all really excited about it. 

“Bucky and Sam.” Steve offers, “My best friends. They've been helping a lot while we've been working on this.”

“And you all like to dance?” Natasha grins.

“Sometimes I guess.” He laughs again. “Especially when she asks us to.”

Natasha tells Sarah, “I dance too! I've been dancing since I was your age. I do ballet.”

Sarah’s blue eyes get huge. “I ballet too!” 

Steve’s smiling so big his cheeks hurt. “She watches this show called Angelina Ballerina on tv. Then she hops around the house in a tutu. It's pretty cute.”

Natasha smiles. “It sounds like it. I'd love to see you dance, Sarah.”

Sarah smiles and nods furiously, then takes another bite of chicken nugget.

 

After they've finished their meals and paid they stop in front of the restaurant to part ways. 

Natasha bends down and gives Sarah a big hug. 

“Thanks for inviting me, Steve. This was really nice.” She looks more relaxed and happy than Steve’s ever seen her. He likes it.

“It really was.”

Then she leans close to him and kisses him on the cheek before saying, “See you tomorrow at work, handsome.” And then she waves again at the both of them and walks off.

Steve picks up Sarah and turns in the direction of their apartment. 

Sarah pokes his blushing cheek. “Daddy pink!”

“Yeah, yeah. Daddy knows.”

 

The third location visit comes a week and a half later on the Friday after the most stressful week Steve’s had at his current job. Natasha and him have quickly discovered that while their budget has increased on paper, actually receiving their new funds would take some time. Tony Stark, the owner of their company, was a busy man. Natasha had spent most of her week on the phone with Pepper Potts, the CEO of their company and various personal assistants and higher-ups at Stark Industries. Most of her conversations had included the words “he just has to sign the paperwork!”. Steve had even asked Bucky to remind Tony to put the budget increase through when he had gone down to Stark Tower for his monthly arm maintenance. It hadn’t worked, but Bucky had managed to get himself banished from him and Sam’s apartment for the night after drinking “scotch that cost more than you make in a year, Steve” with Stark himself. Natasha and Steve had scrambled all week long, making contingency plans and downright begging to no avail. They decided to check out their next location regardless. Natasha was sure that if they found the perfect one, Pepper would fake Tony’s signature if necessary. 

Faking signatures turned out to be completely unnecessary. The place was a dump. 

“How old are these pictures?” Steve asked the owner. The place was dilapidated and way smaller than advertised. 

The owner shrugged “‘coupla years?”

Natasha rolled her eyes at the man before grabbing Steve’s hand and pulling him out of the building, shouting “Thank you!” over her shoulder as the pair made a quick exit. 

Natasha growled in frustration when they reached the street. “Who does that! What a crook!” She was walking fast a few paces ahead of Steve. “I'm so pissed. It's such a good neighborhood too!” She whips around suddenly and stops Steve in his tracks by placing both hands on his chest. “Hey. Come get a drink with me.”

“Now?” Steve asks, because he's an idiot.

“Yes now! Sarah’s with her mom, right?”

“Uh…” Steve says because his mouth apparently forgot to form words.

“Come on. Just me and you.” She slides backwards, her heels scraping the sidewalk and gives him the come hither motion with fingers from both hands. “Drinks. Now. Let's do it.”

Steve throws his hands up. “Okay! Let's do it.” 

 

Steve slides into their booth with their second beers. The bar is a little seedy and amazingly perfect. Natasha’s let her hair down from its tight bun and is picking out the best looking peanuts from the bowl in front of them. 

“So, Steve Rogers, what do you like to do for fun?” She tosses a peanut into her mouth. “Besides dancing with Bug and Ham.”

Steve laughs. “Well, you know I paint. I got a few pieces into one of Pepper’s art galleries recently. That was cool. I also like to work out.” 

She raises her eyebrows.

“I'm not like a gym rat or anything. I run a few times a week with my friend Sam and then I lift weights too. I just like to stay in shape and you know it's stress relief and shit.” He's rambling so she snaps his mouth shut.

Natasha giggles. “Okay, what else?”

“I read a lot. My friend Bucky just got me into Harry Potter.”

Natasha slaps the table. “SHUT. UP.”

Steve sputters, “Wh-what? I know it's a kids book but-”

“OH MY GOD. I can't believe you didn't read Harry Potter growing up! That's like… sacrilege or something!” 

Steve chuckles, “Well believe it or not I was a scrawny kid. My mom was really into politics and equal rights so I spent a lot of my time getting into that stuff. And painting. A lot of painting. And fist fights.”

She shakes her head a little like she can't believe it. “I can't imagine you small. You'll have to show me a picture some time. I can definitely picture you being a righteous fighty little shit though. You still are. I've heard enough of your rants to know that.” 

Steve puts a hand over his heart, feigning offense. “Come on, I don't even rant…”

She gives him a look and raises an eyebrow.

“...too much! But I was an angry little thing back then. My mom used to say I was made of spit and vinegar.”

She grins, amused. “I like a passionate man.”

After they finish their beers they both decide to call it a night. They head to the exit of the bar and both hang outside the door, not quite ready to say goodbye. 

Steve reaches out for her hand and grasps it lightly. “Thanks for tonight, Nat. I needed to laugh that much after this week.” 

“Me too. I really had a lot of fun.” She takes a few steps closer to him, almost touching. 

Steve can feel the warmth of her body. He takes a risk and wraps an arm around her waist. “We should do it again some time.”

She closes the distance between their bodies and looks up at him, challenging, their hands still interlocked. “We should.”

Steve takes the hint and removed his hand from hers and cups her face gently. He smiles, because she's so damn lovely, and then leans in to kiss her.

Her lips are soft and and full on his. She wraps her hand around his bicep and puts another on his chest and kisses his back fully. 

Steve licks her lips and deepens the kiss. She tastes salty like peanuts and beer and completely delicious. He keeps kissing her and she sighs into his mouth before breaking away. 

“Seriously. We should.” He tells her and she huffs out a little laugh before kissing him softly again. 

“See you on Monday.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :) comments and kudos give me life.


	6. Oh Happy Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky does something he's scared of, makes a mistake, gives out some lovin, discovers a secret and celebrates Steve's birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How does one write a chapter without immediately posting it?
> 
> Enjoy this monster.
> 
> Psst: peep the new raiting and tags.

Bucky’s mind took him to his safe place. 

When he meditates he pictures himself on a beach that he went to with Steve and his mom when they were kids. He remembers the day like it was yesterday. It was a trip for Steve’s birthday. He had slept over Steve’s house the night before. The two of them had stayed up almost all night drawing comics and playing video games. Steve’s mom had woken them up with the sun. Bucky remembers being cranky about being woken and warm all snuggled up with Steve in his bed, but Steve was just so damn excited about seeing the beach that he made himself get up and get going.

Steve’s mom had happily driven the two boys to the beach and gotten them all set up with blankets and sunscreen and sand toys. Steve was vibrating with excited energy (Buck! Look at these seashells!). Bucky remembers the feel of the sand in his toes, the sound of the waves crashing and the seagulls chirping overhead. He remembers the feeling of happiness swelling in his gut. He remembers Steve dropping his ice cream in the sand and the two of them laughing so hard that his stomach had hurt. He remembers breathing in the smell of the salty air.

He breathes in, two three and back out, two three. 

He goes in. The door chimes.

“Hi there! How can I help you?” The receptionist is a young woman with curly black hair and a big smile.

“Uh, yeah I need a haircut.”

 

Bucky had started growing his hair out after he had been honorably discharged. Steve thought it was out of depression, not caring, but really it was about fear. 

Bucky’s captors had done all types of terrible things to him. They tortured him, made him cry to stop, robbed him of everything that he had been before. With Bucky’s old persona came his always perfectly styled hair. His sister used to tease him about it endlessly, claiming that he spent more time in the bathroom getting ready than she did. She was probably right. Bucky loved his hair, loved his stylish clothes, loved smelling good and all his different types of cologne. It was all part of him- the experience you got having Bucky Barnes around. He took great pride in looking damn good. 

The Bucky Barnes who returned from war was much, much different. It took him days to gather the courage to bathe at first. His hair was long and scraggly from not being trimmed while he was a POW. He had dark circles around his eyes from lack of sleep. He was missing his entire goddamn arm. 

A month after he got back he received a phone call from a woman who worked at Stark Industries. She told him about an experimental prosthetic trial that he had been recommended for by the Army themselves. She asked him if he was interested. He declined. The woman had called him a _hero_. He was anything but. More like a murder paid for by the good old USA. 

Two weeks later, Steve got the news about Sarah. A week after that Bucky had accompanied him to meet his daughter for the first time, supervised by her mother. He remembers laying eyes on Sarah for the first time. She was so unbelievably small with these big blue eyes and had a little tuft of blonde curls on the top of her head. Bucky had fallen in love. He remembers getting home with Steve after the visit. Steve was bouncing off the walls, mouth running 1,000 words per second. He wanted to get custody of her, wanted to do right by the little girl with his mom’s name (nobody's really sure why Lorraine had named her Sarah, but nobody asked either). Bucky remembers Steve suddenly snapping his mouth shut and flopping down on the couch, curling in on himself with fear and sobbing because he had no fucking idea how the hell to raise a baby, especially by himself.

The next day Bucky had called Stark Industries back and begged for his new arm.

The news of Sarah sparked Bucky’s healing. He tried going to therapy, the VA. He attended doctors appointments. Then he met Sam. Perfect, handsome Sam Wilson who was a better person, friend and uncle than he could ever dream to be. Bucky fell in love with him from afar. Bucky felt like shit. It made him mad and it made him work a hundred times harder. He discovered natural remedies that did the trick on his milder days. He fell in love with yoga and meditation. Then the most wonderful thing happened: Sam fell in love with him too.

Sam had asked him shortly after they got together why Bucky hadn't cut his hair. Bucky was as honest as he was ready to be and told Sam that the feeling of something sharp near his neck made him want to scream. Sam had kissed him and told him, “It matches your dirty hippie aesthetic.” Then given Bucky’s hair a little yank and said, “Plus, it gives me something nice to pull on.”

A few weeks ago a teenage boy that Sam worked with had been murdered. Sam took it hard. He's been sleeping more, eating less and even skipping runs with Steve. He's been less intimate with Bucky and sex has been completely forgotten. He's in a real funk, and Bucky is trying so damn hard not to sink down right with him. He's been putting extra effort into being there for Sam. He's cooking extra special dinners, offering nice back rubs, and he even offered to take some time off from work with Sam so they could get away from the city for a while. Sam declined and didn't really respond to his other efforts either. He's not mad about it, not one bit, but it does get to a guy after a while.

This morning Bucky woke up to an armful of Sam, which was really amazing. Sam had kissed him good morning, then informed Bucky he'd called out of work for the day. That was not amazing and it made Bucky worry. Sam had assured him that he was fine, but Bucky’s pretty sure he meant “I'm fine” in the same way Steve had said it that one time when he had gotten into a fist fight with two homophobic assholes in DUMBO and then ended up in the emergency room with a concussion. 

Ugh. Bucky thinks it says something about himself that the two people he loves most in life are the biggest stubborn assholes in the entire universe. 

So anyway, after being really concerned for Sam this morning, Bucky had called his mom for advice and a really nice complaining session.

“Oh Jamie your poor Sam. Did you make him that soup I used to make Stevie when he got his colds? It helps everything. I saw it on The Facebook. Debra from down the street posted it.”

“Yeah Ma, I did. He really liked it but believe it or not, it didn't cure him.”

“Jamie watch your tone. I don't make fun of you for your everyday oils.”

“They're _essential_ oils Ma! They really do help!”

“I'm sure they do. How are you doing with all of this?”

Bucky had sighed deeply into the phone before offering, “Not good.”

“My sweet boys.” Then she gasped. “Jamie why don't you go get your hair cut! Getting all dolled up used to make you feel so much better when you were a boy! I bet seeing you looking all handsome instead of scraggly could do wonders for Sam as well, huh?”

Bucky was in touch with reality enough to know that a new haircut would not cure his boyfriend’s depression, but as his work day went on he considered it. 

He asked his boss Clint about it over lunch. “Clint. Should I get my hair cut?”

“Fuck yeah.” Clint said with a mouthful of sub. Bucky waited for him to continue his response but apparently he was done. Bucky tried again.

“But what if I go straight assassin on the hairdresser?”

Clint shrugged. “Know any good lawyers?”

When he was washing up to go home he caught sight of himself in the bathroom mirror. His hair wasn't _bad_ , it just wasn't who he used to be, who he wanted to be. He thought of Sam sitting at home, agonizing about whether he had done the right thing by his client that he lost. He thought of Steve, busting his ass to better their community, trying desperately to be a good dad even when he felt like screaming. He thought of himself, putting himself together slowly but surely. He pictured himself five years down the road. He wanted to feel like him again. That settled it. 

Which is how Bucky finds himself standing in the front of a hairdresser stuttering his way through asking for a haircut. 

He tells the stylist how he wants it (longer on the top than the sides) and she gets to work. She tries to make small talk that Bucky finds it almost impossible to respond to, hearing the constant snip snip snip in his ears.

Bucky offers the stylist a truth that he rarely shares out of the fear of her thinking he's being rude. “I'm sorry miss. I'm a vet. This is making me very nervous. I promise I'm normally not this rude.”

She stops snipping and her eyes get soft, “Oh honey!” Then she looks like she wants to reach out and hug him which sets Bucky’s nerve endings on fire, but settles for finishing up his haircut instead.

_Whew_

“All done, sweetheart!” She looks happy with the results and spins him around for him to see.

Bucky looks- Bucky looks like Bucky Barnes for the first time in a damn long time. He smiles at his reflection and his chest fills with a hundred emotions. He wants to cry, wants to show Sam, and leaves the stylist a giant tip as a thank you. 

After a short walk home he hops up the steps of their building to their apartment. He's full of nervous energy.

“Honey, I'm home!” He calls out into the space. Sam comes padding out of their bedroom in his pj's. He spots Bucky and his eyes bug out of his head.

“Bucky?!”

Bucky laughs a little nervously, “Who the hell is Bucky?" He swaggers closer to Sam, his nervous energy turning into weirdness as usual. He dials up his Brooklyn accent to a hundred. “My name’s Jimmy Barnes. You're lookin’ mighty fine doll. What's your name?”

Sam smiles and catches on to his game.  
“Oh, Jimmy.” His voice is a false falsetto “My name’s Sam.” 

Bucky smiles and grips Sam’s hips with both hands. “Sam, baby doll, what’s a girl like you doing in a place like this?”

“I'm dating this dirty hippie boy. I'm waiting for him to come home but you look like a much better option.” Sam’s eyes glint and he runs his fingers through Bucky’s short quaff. 

“Hey, hey baby, watch the hair now.” 

Sam laughs, breaking character for a moment before getting back into it again. “Oh God, Jimmy. You're just so handsome I couldn't resist. What could I ever do to repay you?”

Bucky grins and leans his face close to Sam’s “Just gimmie some sugar, sweet thing.” And kisses him lightly. 

Sam presses his lips hard on Bucky’s, melting into the kiss and cupping the back of Bucky’s neck with his hand. The kiss deepens and Bucky’s hot all over. It's been so long since Sam’s kissed him like this. Too long. 

Sam breaks them apart. 

“Okay game over. BUCKY!!! Your hair!!” He runs his fingers through it thoroughly, obviously forgetting Jimmy’s earlier instructions.

“I know!” Bucky says excitedly. “Looks real good, doesn't it? I can't believe I did it.”

Sam smiles sweetly at him and kisses his cheek. “You did do it! Were you scared?”

“Terrified! I even had to tell the lady that I was a vet. The poor thing was trying so hard to get me to talk with her.” 

“Baby I'm so proud of you.” Sam’s brown eyes are sparkling with happiness for the first time in a while. Bucky thinks he could never look at anything else again and be the happiest man on earth. He kisses Sam on the forehead.

“Hey. Did ya eat yet? I heard these girls talking about this new Italian restaurant on the subway earlier. We could grab a bite?” 

“You askin’ me out, Barnes?”

“No. Figure’d it be a strictly platonic thing. You know- Bros. Brotp. Bromance. You're really not my type, ow!” Sam whacks him on his right shoulder. “Yes. Yes, a date.”

Sam shrugs, “Okay let's go.”

 

Okay so this… was a big mistake. A big, delicious, expensive mistake. He and Sam still divide their money separately. It's been fine and good until right this very second. Bucky had a delicious plate of Spaghetti (Sam had opted for the chicken parmesan) but he was still so damn hungry. He stared at the dessert menu before him. They had a cheese platter. A cheese platter! Cheese! For dessert! Bucky’s two favorite food groups! Combined! There was only one problem: it was more money than he had to spend. He contemplated just going for it and coming up short on his half of the electric bill for the month. Sam would cover it and get all types of pissed off. But Bucky just wasn't that type of guy. He did, however, fucking love cheese and remember the end of the conversation that he overhead on the subway.

“So then Paul asked Mary to marry him! Right there over a giant bowl of pasta! Do you know what they did? Gave them free dessert! How cool is that!”

Bucky has a plan.

“Sam. I'm about to do something. I'm going to need your full participation.”

Sam’s eyes widen. “Bucky…” 

“Babe know that I love you so, _so_ much but I'm gonna be lyin' out my damn teeth, so don't believe a word that I say. Actually believe the nice parts, just know that I'm not really meaning it.”

“Bucky what the hell are you doing?” Sam grits out through clenched teeth.

Bucky tries a smile. “I love cheese?” Then he stands up and drops in front of Sam’s chair on one knee. 

“What the fuck?” Sam hisses, turning to face him. 

Bucky takes Sam’s left hand in his. “Sam. You know that I love you. More than anything. You're the king of my heart baby.” Bucky hears the other diners in the restaurant silence as they noticed him. “I couldn't afford a ring. But I'm saving up, I promise! Would you make me the happiest man alive and marry me? Please?”

Sam pinches the skin in between Bucky’s thumb and pointer finger as hard as he possibly could before offering up the biggest, fakest smile he could muster and breathlessly answering, “Yes!”

Bucky jumps up from his position on the floor and kisses Sam deeply. Sam bites the living hell out of his bottom lip and mumbles, “I hate you.” into his mouth. 

The entire restaurant burst into applause. 

A few minutes, a few confused looks and few hard kicks from Sam under the table later, the restaurant manager comes up to them with a giant smile.

“Congratulations! You two are a beautiful couple and we are absolutely honored that you've chosen our restaurant for your proposal.” 

Sam kicks Bucky under the table again. “Oh it's our pleasure. We are so happy.”

The manager nods, “We would love to offer you two free desserts as a sincere thank you! Please! Anything you want!”

Bucky grinned all over his face. “I'd like a cheese platter, please!”

 

Sam shoves him against their apartment door as soon as it was closed. “You're so fucking weird. Do you know that?”

Bucky nods, “Didn't you? I promise someday I'll make a real honest man out of you. Wait, does that phrase even work because we're in a homosexual relationship? Isn't that a religious phrase?” 

“Jesus Christ. Fuck me you weird, dirty hippie.” Sam pushes himself against Bucky on the door and kisses him hard. “I missed you.” 

“Fuck. Missed you too, Sam.” Just having Sam this close in his space is making his dick hard and his blood hot. He licks his way into Sam’s mouth. “Come on, up.” Sam wraps his legs around Bucky’s waist. Bucky lifts him by his legs and carries him to the bedroom, kissing him hotly the entire way.

_Thank god for cybernetic arms and Tony Stark._

He lays Sam out onto their bed and crawls his way on top of him. He stops at Sam’s crotch and mouths at his cock through his jeans. Sam yanks hard on his hair. “Come up here first. I need to get you naked. Maybe your haircut makes your dick look bigger.” 

Bucky snorts but kisses his way up Sam’s body, lifting his shirt off in the process. Sam leans up into him to kiss him some more, sucking on his tongue and making Bucky moan. He lifts Bucky’s shirt off in between kisses. The both of them are frantic but taking their time. The heat of the past few weeks mixed with having nowhere else they could imagine being.

Bucky leans to shimmy Sam out of his pants, then works off his own, still kissing Sam as deeply as he can. Sam reaches down and fists his cock. Bucky gasps and arches into the touch. 

“Seems like your cock is as big as ever, even with that new fancy haircut.”

Bucky laughs breathlessly. “You love my cock.”

Sam nods and strokes him gently, asking, “Want me to ride you?” into Bucky’s mouth. He knows that’s Bucky’s favorite.

Bucky gives him a sweet smile and runs his hand over Sam’s hair. “Nah, tonight’s all about you.” He bites at Sam’s neck, making him gasp and grab hold of Bucky’s shoulders. Bucky nips his way down Sam’s chest, stopping to lick one of his nipples and draw it into his mouth- gaining a gasp from Sam, then works his way down Sam’s belly. He gives Sam’s hard, aching cock a few licks before swallowing him down entirely. Sam whines and arches into his mouth, forcing himself into Bucky’s throat. Bucky breathes out through his nose and gives a swallow. Sam moans out loud and swears, “Fuck.”

Bucky comes off of Sam’s cock with an obscene pop, then licks the underside of Sam’s balls, moving down where Sam wanted his mouth most. He reaches Sam’s rim and gave it a few licks, kittenish. 

“Goddamn, baby. Goddamn.” Sam says breathlessly, wrapping his hands into Bucky’s hair and giving it a pull.

Bucky swirls his tongue before giving Sam’s rim a gentle suck. Sam gasps. He works Sam open slowly with his tongue loving the taste and feel of him, laving at him, making him sob. 

“Come on, Buck. Come on.” Sam’s shaking a bit, wanting it.

“Patience, my love.” Bucky soothes and retrieves the bottle of lube as quickly as he can. He wets his fingers then slowly works one into Sam’s tight hole. Sam arches under his touch, swearing softly. He quickly adds a second finger. Sam is already loose and wet from his tongue, so it slides in easily. Bucky crooks his fingers and rubs where it counts. Sam turns his head into the pillow and moans loudly. 

“God, Sam. Love you so much.” He rubs at Sam’s prostate, teasing.

“Uh-huh.” Sam manages, strangled. “Love you more once you're inside me.”

Bucky smirks but takes the hint. He withdraws his fingers and earns a disappointed whimper from Sam before slicking up his cock and pushing slowly into Sam. He gasps at the tight feeling surrounding him and tries not to push too quickly. He is so happy, loves Sam so much, and is getting overwhelmed quickly.

Sam squirms and gasps at the intrusion, and when Bucky bottom out he paws at Bucky’s shoulders, pulling him into a kiss. 

“Yeah. I love you a lot more now- oh fuck!”

Bucky thrusts into Sam with purpose, fucking him sweet and hard. 

Sam’s eyes flutter shut and he starts babbling, “Bucky, _Bucky_. God I, oh, _oh fuck_.” as Bucky brings them both closer and closer to the edge. 

Bucky is sweating a little, loving every second of being inside Sam’s hot heat. “Not going to last long babe. We can, _shit_ , ah, ah, maybe again later.” 

Sam rocks his head back and forth on the pillow, twisting his hands in the sheets, “I don't give a shit. God baby you feel so good.”

Bucky wraps a hand around Sam’s cock and strokes. He feels himself getting close and tries to hold off so that Sam can finish first. He leans down and kisses Sam’s perfect full lips and continues to rock his hips slowly and forcefully.

Sam comes first, with Bucky’s hand around his cock and a low, vibrating moan. Bucky feels the tight clench around his own cock and Sam’s come splattering in between them and comes tumbling down right after with a moan of Sam’s name. He stays inside Sam until his dick stops twitching in over-sensitivity, then manages to flop down onto Sam’s chest.

Sam paws clumsily at his hair. “You're lying in my come.”

Bucky wrinkles his nose, “I don't care. That was good.”

Sam kisses the top of his head. “It was.” He strokes Bucky’s back gently. “I'm sorry I've been so shitty lately.”

Bucky’s eyes are closing. He is so relaxed, so content. “You're not shitty. Never apologize for feeling bad, Sammy. I love you. More than anything.” He gives a yawn and nuzzles into Sam’s chest. “We can clean up in the morning.”

“We’ll be stuck together. It's okay though. You're pretty great.”

__________________________

“SAAAMM what's taking you so long!” Bucky bangs on the bathroom door. 

“Hold up, Barnes! It takes a long time for me to look this beautiful.”

“But it's day one of Steve’s Birthday Weekend! We can't be late!” He is totally whining.

Both of them were right honestly. Sam was hot as shit, and they couldn't be late. For the past few days the two of them, and then eventually a very cranky Steve, had planned some birthday weekend festivities for the birthday boy. He was turning the big 2-5 this year and Bucky wanted to make it the best birthday on record for his best friend. There were three major events planned.

1.The family celebration. This one was a secret, and today. Sam and Bucky were going to pick Sarah up from daycare and head to Steve’s work to surprise him. Steve would probably want to show off his daughter to anyone and everyone in his office for a while, then they would all head down to Steve’s favorite diner for burgers and the new ice cream shop around the corner for sundaes.

2.The drunk celebration. Steve was an integral part of planning this day, since he had asked Lorraine to switch days with him so that he, Bucky and Sam could all go bar hopping on Saturday night. Bucky had already purchased the cheapest bottle of vodka that money could buy for old times’ sake. He plans on recreating as many of their pre-Sarah party memories as possible with the addition of his extremely sexy boyfriend. 

3.The restful celebration. It was a two day event. Yeah, they were just gonna be really hungover and then order greasy food for the first day. Steve’s actual birthday- the 4th of July was the next day. The three of them planned to hunker down, play loud music and ignore the fireworks as best as possible. They bothered Sam the most.

Sam finally finished beautifying himself and they reach Sarah’s daycare quickly. She is wearing a cute little red dress with a red bow in her curly hair. Sam looks so happy. He had bought that dress for her a few months ago. “BUG! HAM!” She greets them, hugging them both in turn. 

“Hey girlie! Let's go get daddy!” Bucky said, scooping her up. 

Bucky makes Sarah practice saying happy birthday as they make their way to Steve’s office in Manhattan. By the time they get there, both Bucky and Sam had gotten the birthday song sung to them. It was Bucky’s favorite subway ride ever, and that's counting the time he rode it with an old guy who looked like Gandalf. 

They make their way through Steve’s office building. “Remember Sarah,” Sam tells her as he carries her on his hip. “You say ‘hi daddy’ then start singing.”

“Okay. Here we are.” Bucky says, gripping the knob of Steve’s office door. “Ready? One...two..” He opens the door on three.

Steve was in his office, alright, sitting in his desk chair. There was one slight slip up because on his lap was a _very sexy redhead woman and they were making out like horny teenagers._

“Sam! Cover her eyes! Oh my god, Steve!” He picks up Sam’s hand and places it over Sarah’s eyes. 

The very sexy redhead and Steve both freeze at his voice and she jumps off of his lap quickly.

“Bucky, relax! She sees us kissing all the time.” Then he pauses and turns to the redhead woman. “Hi, I'm Steve’s best friend, Sam Wilson.” Sam gives a little wave with the hand that wasn't still being forced to cover Sarah’s eyes by Bucky.

“That's different!” Bucky remembers his manners suddenly and sticks out his hand for the redhead to shake. “I'm Bucky.” Then he remembers how Sam had introduced himself and shoots him a dirty look “and _I'm_ Steve’s best friend.”

The girl looks shocked, Bucky feels a bit bad for her for a second before he remembered she's RUINED event number one. 

She shakes his hand tentatively, “Hi, I'm Natasha Romanoff. Steve’s uh-boss.”

Bucky gasps and looks to his best friend for clarification. Steve’s head hits his desk with a loud thunk.

“‘Atasha! Lemme down Ham!” Sarah exclaimes at the sound of Natasha’s introduction. Bucky gasps again. That dirty little baby traitor. Even she knew that Steve was hooking up with somebody before he did. Bucky can feel Sam’s eyes burning holes in the back of his head as he lets Sarah down. Sarah runs over to Natasha and the two of them hug. 

“Pretty bow! See?” She asks Natasha, pointing to her hair. 

Natasha gasps appropriately and says “Oh Sarah! I love it!” 

Sarah giggles. Seriously? Little. Baby. Traitor.

She waddles over to her father and tries to pick his blushing giant head up. 

“Hi Daddy! Daddy! Happy to you!” Steve’s head shoots up. 

“My birthday? Did you come here for my birthday?”

“Happy to you, daddy! Happy to you!” Sarah sings as she climbed into her dad’s lap. Steve gives her a squeeze and a kiss.

“Oh my sweet girl! How nice of you!” He then shoots Bucky and Sam a dirty look “How _nice_ of Bug and Ham to bring you here _unannounced_.”

Bucky scoffs and waves his hand in dismissal. “I know. We’re nice.” Then he turns and glares at Sam again, “Especially me, _your best friend_.” Sam rolls his eyes.

Natasha is still looking lost. Sam seems to be the first one to really notice, being by far the best person in the room. 

“Hey, Natasha, we’re all heading down to a diner back in Brooklyn for some delicious burgers and ice cream now. You can totally join us.” He pinches Bucky’s ass from behind him in warning. “Right, Bucky?” 

Bucky relents because if Natasha comes they can totally grill her, “Yeah, you absolutely can. Steve’s turning 25 tomorrow. We have a whole weekend full of birthday events.”

She smiles at them both and looks genuinely pleased. Dammit she must actually like that big lunk. “Thank you both, but I'll let you all get to it.”

Sam tries again, obviously just as curious about the woman as Bucky is, just more polite. “Well tomorrow we’re going out sans baby. Gonna hit a few bars. You're welcome to come if you'd like!” 

Her smile grows. She looks to Steve. “If you don't mind! I'm actually free tomorrow.” 

Steve looks up at her from around Sarah’s head and smiles like a giant doofus. “Please, do.” He looks so happy. Disgusting. 

“Well it's settled then!” Bucky says, clapping his hands together in finality. “We’ll see you tomorrow Natasha. Great to meet you. Now come on, lover boy, we have some burgers to eat.”

The three men and Sarah say their goodbyes to Natasha (a wave from Bucky, a handshake from Sam, a hug from Sarah and a chaste kiss from Steve) and head back into Brooklyn to eat. 

Sarah falls asleep on the subway while resting on Bucky’s shoulder. Bucky strokes her hair and gives the top of her head a little kiss, even though she is a dirty little baby traitor. 

He gives Steve a dirty look across the subway car. Steve isn't offering up a damn thing about his new girl. Professor X would just read his mind. Bucky tries his luck to no avail. Life’s unfair sometimes.

“Are you trying to tell my fortune when you look at me like that?” Steve asks him, jostling with the movement of the subway. 

“Fortune telling? No you big jerk.” Steve is a dummy. That's definitely not how fortune telling works. Who even believes in that stuff anyway? 

Sam laughs heartily beside him.

After they got settled in and ordered at the diner, Bucky tried plan b: the staring contest.

Steve visibly gulps and starts fiddling with Sarah’s French fries. 

“Bucky don't even start that nonsense here.” Sam then shifts his gaze to Steve, “I'm sure she's a lovely woman Steve. We can't wait to hear about it. Like literally. Can't wait. Come on. Fess up.”

Steve sighs and snags a fry off of Sarah’s plate. “Okay fine. She's Natasha. Pepper Pott’s assistant. Smartest woman I've ever met.” He takes a bite of the fry. “She's a good kisser.”

Bucky makes a gesture with his right hand to encourage Steve to continue. 

“Uhhhh she’s kinda a dork. Likes all that nerdy shit you do, Buck.”

Bucky scoffs at the accusation. “Sci-fi isn't nerdy. It's cool.”

“Uh huh.” Sam says with his mouth full. “And I'm the queen of England.”

Steve laughs. “She's really great. You'll get to see it for yourself tomorrow.”

“I’m sure she is. But, how long as the whole,” he covers Sarah’s ears with his hands, “ _kissing_ thing been going on? Is that all it is?’ Bucky pretends he doesn't see Sam rolling his eyes at him-completely unnecessarily. 

Steve makes a face and purses his lips. “Only like two weeks. That’s all it is so far. We’ve been working together on the Brooklyn expansion project for a while now. We’ve been having a lot of fun doing it too. We just recently decided to have… more… fun.”

Sam laughs and mocks Steve. “More fun, huh?”

“Yeah, and how much of your fun directly violates your work’s conduct code?” Bucky asks his friend. 

“Only like, 70 percent?” He takes a loud sip of his milkshake defensively.

Bucky raises his eyebrows. “Lord’s Name, Steven.” Then he softens. “Sarah seems to like her. That’s good.” It honestly was. Bucky knows from experience how much having a good relationship with a parents’ significant other was. He thinks of his step dad John who's probably the best guy he knows besides Sam.

Steve gives a big, genuine smile that makes Bucky’s chest feel warm. “She really does. Neither of us have talked about anything serious yet, and I have no intentions at moving quickly if we ever do. But it’s so…” he searches for the right word, “nice to have something, whatever this is, with somebody.”

Bucky smiles at his friend and grabs Sam’s hand under the table, feeling a rush of admiration for his boyfriend. He can relate. “It is.”

 

_________________

 

The next morning (technically afternoon) started off hot, sexy and sticky for Sam and Bucky. 

“Sam, get off me I’m so sweaty.” Sam is smushing Bucky with his body. He hadn’'t even bothered to pull out of him after he came. Bucky can feel semen leaking out of him and down his thighs. “And dripping. I’m gonna get all sticky. Come on, let me clean up.”

Sam has his eyes closed and smiles. “You’re so comfy.” and he makes a big show of nuzzling into Bucky’s shoulder before Bucky gently pushes him off, wincing at the feeling of Sam sliding out of him after being inside for so long. 

They shower together. Bucky remembers being young and thinking that showering with someone would be the sexiest thing ever. Don’t let your imagination fool you- it’s not. Sam Wilson is a hot water hog and should be treated as such. He considers making flyers about it for the public as he shivers.

He has some texts from Steve when they get out to get dressed.

 **Steve** : Just dropped sarah off. Gonna go nap. I’m an old man now.  
**Steve** : Nat’s gonna meet us at your apt at like 7. Did you get anything to pregame with?

Bucky types out his reply. 

**Me** : we got beer and a handle of Banker’s Club vodka

 **Steve** : omg buck why would you ever do that to me

 **Steve** : or yourself. Love yourself Buck 

**Me** : do u remember my 19th birthday when you got so drunk you puked on the girl i wanted to fuck’s dress?

 **Steve** : oh no. it was an accident i promise. Don’t make me relive banker’s club.

 **Me** : suuuurrreee. Also, not a chance. Go big or go home, pal. It’s because I like you so much more when you’re drunk.

 **Steve** : just promise me you’ll stop me from making an idiot out of myself in front of nat  
**Steve** : also try and keep your dick in your pants at the bar. I know how you get when you dance with someone after a few drinks  
**Steve** : and don’t let me try and kiss Sam i feel like my drunk self would really wanna do that

 **Me** : If you think I’m letting ur drunk ass within 10 feet of sam you are mistaken  
**Me** : I still remember NYE 2008 when u made out with my bf at midnight  
**Me** : u r own ur own when it comes to Nat  
**Me** : And MYOB. Sam and I got fake engaged because of a cheese platter last week. We’re very serious and classy.

 **Steve** :???????????  
**Steve** : nvm don't wanna know  
**Steve** :i cant believe you u r still mad about NYE 2008 guy was a loser anyway  
**Steve** : if I'm drunk enough to make it into my apartment by myself I'm suing bankers club and you for a failure of a night. Then i’m gunna steal sam from u as revenge

Bucky cackles loudly to himself. It's been a long ass time since he and Steve have gotten a chance to go out together. He’s excited. 

“What are you laughing at, baby?” Sam asks, (unfortunately) pulling a pair of boxers over his strong thighs.

“Oh nothing, just remembering how much of an asshole Steve is.” 

Bucky had told Sam once, “Steve and I are like two halves of the same soul, except for one of the halves is cooler than the other and the other one is a dick.”

Sam had rolled his eyes and said, “Uh huh, and which one of you losers is which. You are a weird hippie fuck.” because he was _rude_ and then told him, “Go get kumbaya with the sink and finish the dishes.” 

 

Steve arrives shortly after Sam and Bucky have finished eating dinner. He is dressed in a black v-neck tee and dark jeans. He looks good. Sam tells him excitedly.

“Hey, lookin good birthday boy!”

Steve blushes, “Thanks. Uh, this is your shirt.”

Sam whips around and glares at Bucky. Shit he’s been made. Bucky had stolen a few of his favorite shirts of Sam’s and then lazily thrown them into the wash right before he’d moved out of Steve’s apartment. 

Bucky changes the subject quickly, “Hey, who wants a beer?”

Sam gives him a roll of his eyes, then a kiss and says, “Not me. I need to get ready. You two kids have fun with your shit vodka” 

Bucky hands Steve a beer and hears him sigh. 

“You nervous?”

“Nah.” Steve takes a long pull from the bottle. “I'm excited, really. It's going to be really nice to have the three of you together. It's all I could ever want for a present.” 

Bucky gives him a smile. What a dweeb. “You're a punk you know that right?” 

Steve closes the distance between them and wraps Bucky tightly into a hug, smashing Bucky’s face into his chest. Bucky lets out his breath in a huff from being squeezed so hard.

“You're a jerk. But I love you anyway.” Steve pauses, “You know, Buck, after when I got back and they lost you over there.. I thought you were gone...I-”

“Shh.” Bucky whispers gruffly, he is getting teary-eyed and it is not ok. Steve is such a damn ass. “Stop talking you big sap. You can't cry. It's your birthday.”

Steve laughs, a little watery and shakes him excitedly before starting to sing terribly, “IT'S MY PARTY I CAN CRY IF I WANT TO.”

Bucky punches his shoulder. “Oh my god. I love you too, dumbass. Now come on, we have some shitty vodka to drink.”

Steve and Bucky are both feeling pretty good when Natasha arrives. Sam was working on his first drink, feigning responsibility that he would soon be giving up.

She looks drop dead gorgeous, wearing a tiny little black dress and black heels. 

Steve greets her with a kiss.

“Hey Bucky.” She waves at him shyly. Bucky waves back. She looks a little nervous, he doesn't like that.

“Hey, come drink shitty vodka with us!” He pokes Sam beside him. “We’re gonna get this fucker wasted!”

The four of them leave the house shortly after. Natasha had proven herself to be a worthy adversary in the game of shitty vodka. Bucky is starting to like her. She’s funny and silly and the two of them made horrible jokes at Steve’s expense. Steve hated every second of it, which made it better.

The bar they went to was more of a club. There was loud music bumping in Bucky’s ears. The dance floor was packed and he was just loose enough to want to conquer it. Steve and Natasha beat them to it first.

Bucky glances back at them from where he and Sam were sitting at the bar. They are dancing close, grinding on eachother fitfully. Natasha has her ass pressed on to Steve, shaking and rolling her hips with a hand thrown backwards over his neck. Steve has his face buried in her neck and a big palm spread over her stomach, holding her close. They look...well…

“Damn that is just _filthy_ ” Sam offers from besides him. “I didn't know Steve could move like that.”

Bucky takes a big sip of his drink. “I did. I've dragged him dancing enough.” 

“Man they are sexy as hell. I'd be a fly on that wall.”

Bucky laughs. “Damn, Sam. I bring you to this wonderful establishment and all you do is check out my best friend. Keep your thirst in check.”

Sam smirks at him. “Man, stop being jealous.” He gives Bucky a little shove. “I do have eyes, you know. So do you. He's done good for himself. I like her.”

Bucky stirs his drink and says,“My bisexuality is Steve proof. But she does seem okay.” It comes out a little more defensive than he wanted it to. Sam starts laughing 

“You're full of shit. Look at him.”

Bucky rolls his eyes. Steve does look good. He always looks good, but he's been off the table for Bucky’s entire life. Bucky’s filed his ever-present attraction to his best friend in the DO NOT TOUCH section of his brain. He imagines that section of his brain as a vault with a locked door, guarded by security. There’s red warning lights outside of it that’s just started to go off. He's too drunk to get into that conversation now.

Bucky smiles at his boyfriend and then stands up and reaches out for Sam’s hand. “Come on, I'm not going to be outshined by the birthday boy.”

Sam takes his hand and laughs. “You'd try to outshine that man on his wedding day you petty fuck. Come on, let's go.”

Now Bucky Barnes didn't believe in coincidences, so it must have been fate that the DJ started playing his absolute jam when he and Sam enter the dance floor.

Steve spots him instantly, knowing Bucky as well as he knew himself.

“BUCKY! They're playing fucking Big Pun! Come here!” He reaches for Bucky’s hand and pulls him close. Bucky pulls Sam along for the ride, the four of them now pressed closely on the dance floor.

There were few things Bucky loved more than Big Pun and most of them included Sam’s body parts, so he was ready to put on a damn show.

“I don't wanna be a player no more.”

Steve is right beside him as he always was, yelling over the music, “I'm not a player I just crush a lot!” to complete Bucky’s hook.

Natasha moves to grind on Sam so that Bucky and Steve can dance closely and rap awfully into each other’s faces. Bucky is suddenly thrown back to when they were teenagers, dancing together in somebody’s basement singing (if that's what you'd call their bad rapping) the same song at each other. Bucky loves dancing with Steve, the two of them know how each other move better than anyone else, even Sam. 

“Uptown baby, uptown.” Sam offers as he leans over from overtop of Natasha. The two of them are moving their hips in sync. Bucky thinks they look really good together- Natasha’s red hair and Sam’s strong brown arms. If any other song were on he'd let himself get distracted. 

The four of them end up switching partners as Bucky flawlessly raps his way through the second verse of the song. It’s great because not only did Bucky suddenly have a crotch-full of Natasha’s ass (which is so, so nice not to mention the girl can dance) but he has the pleasure of watching Steve do his best to grind on his boyfriend, which ends up in Steve turning bright red and a lot of laughter- mostly from Bucky and Natasha.

Sam eventually finds his way back to Bucky and presses in close to him. Bucky continues to _crush the everloving fuck_ out of I'm not a player as he moves his hips in time with Sam’s and grips his boyfriend’s waist tightly.

Steve and Natasha are at their side and it is in this very moment that Bucky Barnes decides that his life is going pretty damn well. He has his boyfriend in front of him and his best friend (and whatever the fuck Natasha was to them) beside him. Big Pun is playing loudly in his ears. His head is light with booze and happiness. To quote the classic novel Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: “all was well”.

 

After Bucky had murdered “I'm not a player” the four of them had taken a few more shots and talked. At one point Sam and Bucky went to dance to a song that Bucky had never heard before, which left him alone with Natasha.

They sat comfortably in silence before Bucky felt the need to break it.

“Don't hurt him.” He warns.

She smiles sweetly at him. “I don't want to.”

“I'm an asshole. I'm sorry.” He jerks his head in Steve’s direction. “Learned from the best.”

Her smile grows and her nose wrinkles with it. It's really cute. “At least he's good for something. Oh wait by the way, I hear you like Star Wars.”

Bucky’s eyebrows shoot up. “Do you?”

She outright cackles. “Do I? Oh my god it's my everything. Hey, what did you think of The Force Awakens?”

“It was awesome!” Bucky says excitedly before remembering something. “I dragged Steve to go see it. You wanna hear a funny story?”

She nods.

“Okay so I was watching it and I really had to pee. So I held it as long as I could but then went. I was gone for like a minute I swear. Then later Steve had asked me how I felt about Han Solo dying. Nat, Nat I had no idea he died. He died and I was fuckin peeing.”

She laughs so hard she snorts, “Oh my god! Here I was crying my eyes out and you were taking a piss and not even noticing!”

Bucky grins. “I know! I cried later on though.” He smiles, nostalgic, “God, love me some Han Solo. Nothing like young Harrison Ford to make you realize you’re into dudes.” 

She laughs again then sobers and grabs for his hand, “I'm gonna treat him right Bucky. Treat them both right. I promise.”

Maybe she isn't so bad after all.

Somehow they made it back to Sam and Bucky’s apartment. Bucky basically had to carry both Steve and Sam the entire way home. The two of them had spent the walk trying (and failing) to rap more big pun and once he had to break up a near death experience when Steve had stopped dead in his tracks and asked Sam, “Can I carry you home?” (which had ended up in Sam attempting to jump onto Steve’s back unsuccessfully and falling hard onto the sidewalk). 

Bucky gently deposits the near-unconscious Sam into their bed before heading out to the living room to check on Natasha and Steve. Natasha had ended up lying on top of him on the couch, already asleep. Steve gives a little wave when he sees Bucky enter the room to let him know he is awake. Bucky sits down on the floor by Steve’s head with a low sigh. The two of them sit quietly for a moment, Steve rubs the back of his neck gently and scratches the short hairs at the nape of his neck. Bucky lets his eyes close.

“God Buck. How many of my birthdays have ended up with me and you sitting up all night while everyone else was passed out?”

Bucky huffs out a little laugh. “Almost all of them, champ.”

Steve runs his fingers through Bucky’s hair softly, ruffling it up. “Thank you, Buck. For everything.” He pauses, searching for the right words, “For Sarah.” Bucky feels Steve’s words down to his core and opens his eyes again with a long breath.

“There's nothing I wouldn't do for you, you giant punk.” He stands up and leans down to give Steve’s head a kiss. “Get some sleep.”

Steve smiles and closes his eyes. “Love you.”

Bucky smiles softly to himself. “Yeah. You too.”

Bucky heads into his bedroom and finds a way to snuggle up into Sam’s warmth before wrapping a blanket tightly around them. He is so damn lucky to have Sam, Steve too. At one of his first VA meetings a guy had told him to “count your blessings.” He’d hated it then, being so full of anger and fear. But right now, hearing Sam breathing softly next to him and knowing that everyone he loves are all safe in their beds, he feels good. He knows he's lucky. He closes his eyes, breathes in Sam’s scent and smiles. He counts his blessings like sheep and falls quickly into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks for reading and responding :) 
> 
> Bucky's free dessert marriage proposal comes from a tumblr post.  
> http://unclesteeb.tumblr.com/post/145978613066/thecakelessachiever-deliverusfromsburb
> 
> The song our fab four dances to is Big Pun- I'm not a player 
> 
> JSYK- Natasha and Bucky talked more about TFA. They both want Rey to be Luke's daughter and both wish upon every star in the sky for finnpoe (Bucky probably writes fanfiction honestly). 
> 
> Coming up next: Sam Wilson lets us in on some secrets (including a very OT4 one ;) )


	7. July 23rd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam Wilson has a few secrets about himself that only he knows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Falcondiment posted some super amazing art for this story on Tumblr! You can find it [here!](http://falcondiment.tumblr.com/post/146313796450/an-overwhelming-amount-of-cute-for-unclesteeb-s)

Sam wakes up with an armful of- wait.

“Steve?” He asks groggily, peeking an eye open. He knew the body in his arms was too big to be Bucky (plus Bucky never likes to be the little spoon), the big blonde head in front of him just confirms it.

“Shh.” Not Steve, but Natasha says.

“Natasha?” He seriously didn't think he was _that_ drunk last night. He lifts his head up a little to investigate. Natasha’s got herself snuggled into Steve. They're all fully clothed, which is less troubling.

“Sam he's too loud. Already up making breakfast.” Steve whines, mumbling into the arm of Sam’s that his head is resting on. Oh. They're hiding from Bucky.

Natasha huffs and says “Shh” again, then snuggles herself closer into Steve.

“What the fuck?” Sam mouths quietly. Then, because he's a very smart man with both eyes and a dick he lays back down and wraps his arms tighter around Steve, pulling him close. 

See, there's a few things that Sam knows about himself that no one else does. 

One of them is that he finds Steve Rogers drop dead sexy. He has since the two of them met at the VA. Back then Steve was giving off very strong “please never mention the word sex around me” vibes so Sam never dared to touch the subject. Their friendship blossomed quickly. Steve and Sam are made of the same stuff, they'll choose everyone else around them before themselves. They both hate bleeding their shit onto other people. Then Sam had met Bucky and any blossoming feelings he'd been harboring on his friend went right out the window. Being around Bucky dug up something inside Sam that he's never felt before. He’s never wanted to hate someone more. Actually, Sam's never actively wanted to hate someone at all before he met Bucky. But no matter how hard he tried, how hard he sat up late at night convincing himself, he just couldn't do it. Instead he felt an intense desire to get as close as possible to Bucky. It just so happens that Bucky was crazy about him, because sometimes Sam’s life falls into place like that. Bucky and Sam love each other ferociously, passionately. Any crush becomes unimportant in a relationship like the one he and Bucky have. And it really did for Sam. His thing for Steve got pushed so far to the back of his mind that it only rears its ugly head occasionally. Like last night, seeing Steve in that tight black shirt, _his_ tight black shirt, all pressed up against him rolling his hips and all kinds of flushed pink. It's hard to ignore an image like that. It's even harder to not imagine what Steve would look like on his cock doing that, and Sam isn't a good enough liar to say that he didn't. He's just a good enough boyfriend not to act on it.

There's another thing that Sam knows about himself, and that's that he can love more than one person. Sam first noticed this about himself in high school, when he'd found himself head over heels in love with his high school girlfriend, Nicole _and_ his buddy from down the street, Gabe. Gabe had a girlfriend of his own at the time, so Sam did what he did best and pushed his feelings down, ignored them, and focused on loving Nicole. It worked for him and he loved the thrill of it. There was something about being in love with your friend that made Sam happy, grateful. What made Sam even more happy and grateful was that when Nicole went off to college and told him “let’s stay friends” Gabe asked Sam out on a date and the two of them had a really nice thing going on until Sam left for the Air Force. Nicole came back every once in awhile to visit her parents and Sam always managed to see her too. Once Sam AND Gabe spent some quality time with her. That was especially fun for Sam. Sam liked his heart being full of love. It made it feel heavy in a satisfying way. 

Sam thinks that Bucky can relate. 

The thing with Bucky is that he does love Steve; in a lot of ways, Sam thinks. Bucky only allows himself to love Steve platonically, he might only even know that he loves Steve platonically but Sam can see it. He sees the way Bucky lights up when Steve enters a room. He sees the way Bucky puts Steve’s needs over his own. He sees the way Bucky holds Sam and Steve on the same pedestal in his mind. He recognizes these things in Bucky, has since before they were officially together, and in his mind it's always been okay. He's wondered if he should talk to someone about it. “Hey, my boyfriend’s probably secretly in love with his best friend that I also have a crush on. What do you think about that, buddy?” But Sam also thinks that there are some things that you should just keep to yourself, especially if they're not hurting anyone.

What would hurt someone though, is the last secret thing that Sam knows about himself. It's something that creates an ever-present hole in his chest. It creates the kind of pain that not everyone can understand, that Sam hopes no one can understand.

He's in love with a ghost.

\------------------------

 

Sam wakes up again with Steve’s hard cock digging into his ass and his breath hot on Sam’s ear.

“Wake up, Sam. Bucky, Nat and I came up with a great idea while you were sleeping.”

Sam’s eyes fly open. He sees Bucky lying in front of him, their heads sharing the same pillow. He's got Natasha behind him kissing and nipping at his neck. She's got a leg thrown over Bucky’s and her hair is almost completely covering her face, mussed and frizzy from whatever made her, Bucky and Steve decide to wake him up to join them. Her hand’s up Bucky’s shirt, tweaking his nipples. Bucky’s pupils are blown dark when he looks at Sam. He grins, reaches out and runs a strong hand up and down Sam’s thigh before saying, “Yeah. Steve isn't known as a tactical genius for nothing.” Then he pulls Sam into a hot open mouthed kiss. 

Behind him, Steve gives his earlobe a bite and lets out a chuckle. “You see Sam, Buck and I know that you've always wanted to know what it would feel like if you were between us.” Then he leans up and pulls Bucky into a kiss overtop of Sam’s head by the scruff on the back of his neck and- holy shit. Bucky lets out a groan the second Steve’s lips touch his and his eyes flutter shut. They look damn good together. Bucky bites Steve’s full bottom lip and Sam feels Steve’s cock twitch as his hips Buck into Sam’s ass. 

Sam lets out a groan and the two of them break apart, smiling down on him. 

Bucky says, “But then where would that leave Natasha, Sammy?” Sam’s eyes flit over to her. She’s palming Bucky’s cock through his boxers. Bucky’s breath is coming out in with little hitches in between his words.

Sam wants to see how her tiny, pale hands and her red painted nails look on Bucky’s thick cock so he asks hopefully, “Jerking you off?”

Natasha laughs. “No,” Then Bucky reaches back to give her a kiss full of teeth and tongue. She breaks it off and Bucky works down her neck with his tongue. “I was hoping I could sit on that big cock of yours.” Then she licks her lips and looks down at the bulge in Sam’s pants like he's a delicacy she wants to devour. Sam’s very, very interested.

Steve grips his hips possessively from behind. 

“There's no way you're getting on him before I get to taste him.” Then he's moving so that he's in-between Sam’s thighs. Steve looks up at him cheeks pink and big blue eyes earnest and full of want. Sam’s brain shorts out at the image. 

“Not uh.” Bucky says. “That’s technically my boyfriend. No one’s sucking him off without me there too.”

Steve gives Bucky a dirty look, then smirks and lifts an eyebrow. “You wanna help me then, Sergeant Barnes?”

“Sir, yes sir.” Bucky breathes and then scrambles so that he's next to Steve, both of them poised to suck Sam’s dick. 

 

Sam wakes up again, alone.

_Thank god._

He takes a really long cold shower and goes out to face his friends.

 

\------------------------------

 

July 3rd and 4th pass quickly. On Steve’s actual birthday (the 4th) Sam and Bucky join him, Sarah and Natasha for a really nice dinner before Steve and the girls head out to see fireworks. Them leaving makes Bucky complain about Natasha ruining Birthday Event Number Three. Sam’s not too sad to see them go. He's already feeling uneasy and his dream’s still fresh in his mind.

Fireworks make Sam feel like absolute shit, so he and Bucky retire to their bedroom to listen to super loud music, smoke a rare joint Bucky bought from the old lady that lives downstairs and dance until the fireworks stop. Sam manages to get himself worked up a couple of times, but the hazy feeling of his head (thanks Old Weed Lady) and Bucky beside him carry him through the night.

On Tuesday, he shows up to work only to have his boss, Luke immediately summon Sam to his office. Luke Cage is a good ass dude. He's the owner of the group home where Sam works. He takes the time to learn everything he can about each and every client and employee. He's fair and just. He also looks like he could kick Sam’s ass seven ways until Sunday. Bucky met him once and said “Sam if that guy were in deadpool he'd probably be able to bounce bullets off of his skin. Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if he could now.” Sam likes him, personally and professionally. Luke’s a great boss.

“Sam. Do you know why you're here today?”

Sam does. Since losing Ronnie he's been feeling really bad. He knows he's spiraled into a depressive state. It's not like he could help it. He's been trying hard to make it appear like he wasn't, of course. Bucky noticed first. He started going out of his way to do nice things for Sam. He ignored the fact that Sam couldn't stand to touch him for anything other than comfort for a few weeks. He’s been so damn supportive and Sam is starting to feel better, but his work has been suffering for it. He's called out a few times, he hasn't been as productive. Losing Ronnie made it so damn apparent that a lot of the time Sam isn't doing shit for these kids. It makes him feel like a failure, and why even try if you're just going to lose.

Sam nods his head. “I think I do, Mr. Cage.”

Luke sighs. “Sam. I know you lost Ronnie recently. How are you feeling since then?”

Sam shrugs. “I'm fine.”

Luke gives him a strong look and exhales sharply through his nose. “Sam you've called out more times in the past two months than the entire rest of the time you've been working here. You productivity’s almost gone.”

Sam tries again. “ _I'm fine_.”

“Dammit, Sam. The kids on your caseload are starting to complain about you either not meeting with them or processing their shit fast enough.”

Sam starts “Mr. Cage-”

Luke bangs the table with his first and Sam’s mouth snaps shut. “Wilson if you say you're fine one more time!” then he takes a deep breath and continues, “Since you've started working here, you've been one of our most dedicated employees. We've never gotten a complaint about you before. You've come to work every day with a positive attitude unless you were practically on your deathbed. Sam, I need you to stop with the ‘I'm fine’ shit and grow the fuck up right now because if you don't I'm going to have to start looking for your damn replacement because we can't keep picking up your slack if you're not going to get yourself some help!”

Sam gapes at his boss, speechless. 

“I-I…” And for a second Sam really is about to say “I'm fine.” He's about to say “I'm fine, I'll try better.” But he's not an idiot. And deep down inside Sam past all the layers of self-sacrificing bullshit there’s a little part of him that's been crying, screaming out for help, and that part takes a hold of his heart and his brain and his entire being so what comes out instead is, “I'm not doing so well.”

Sam crumbles into himself in the office chair.

Luke lets out a shuddering breath. “Hey, Sam. It's okay. Look at me.” 

Sam does. Luke’s brown eyes are full of worry and what could possibly be hope.

“Tell me what you need.”

Sam sighs. He has a therapist he'd been seeing when he first got home. He's still supposed to be going once a month to check-in, but recently found that his VA meetings were doing the job for him. “I need to be able to leave early one day a week to see my therapist.”

Luke smiles at him. “Done! Good man, Sam.” He stands up and walks over to Sam’s side of the desk. He puts one of his giant hands on Sam’s shoulder tenderly. “Never hesitate to come to me. This job can burn you out like a motherfucker. We all gotta be here for each other. I've seen you sitting with your co workers time and time again. You can always do the same with me- with any of us.”

Sam nods and smiles because he knows it's true.

“Thank you, Luke”

And suddenly, it’s July 23rd.

Sam rises before Bucky, dressing and leaving the house quietly. He takes the subway into Harlem, to the Baptist church that he attended his entire childhood. He walks the cemetery until he finds the headstone he’s looking for. 

Rev. Paul Wilson

Sam sits down in front of his father. 

“Hey dad. Back here again.” he takes a shaky breath. “I miss you. Mom misses you, Sarah and Jody too. Dad. I-I.” he pauses and laughs at himself. “I miss him. It’s been four years today. Can you believe it? I bet you two are getting along well up there. Tell him I said hi.” Sam stops talking because he’s so overwhelmed, so sad that just can’t anymore. He brings his knees up to his chest and rests his head on them. He closes his eyes and just lets himself listen. The city is bustling around him, but it sounds muted in his ears. There’s a cool breeze. He lets himself be. 

He doesn’t know how long he’s been there for when he hears footsteps approaching behind him. 

“Hey.” It’s Bucky.

Sam looks up. “Hey, how’d you find me?”

Bucky walks over to him and shoves his hands in his pockets. He’s wearing one of Sam’s airforce tee shirts with a pair of jeans and a backwards baseball cap. He looks like a frat boy. It almost makes Sam laugh.

“I woke up and you were gone. You weren’t at Steve’s. I called your office phone and you didn’t answer. Your cell’s off. I got a little worried.” he shrugs. “I called your mom. She sounded real freaked out at first but then asked me what the date was, when I told her it was the 23rd she said that you were here, or had hopped on a train to South Carolina.” he gives Sam small smile. “Obviously I checked here first.” he gestures to the spot on the grass beside Sam. “Mind if I sit?”

Sam nods. Bucky sits himself down cross-legged next to Sam. They’re quiet for a minute or two before Bucky bumps his shoulder with his own. 

“So what’s today?”

Sam looks over at him. His brow is slightly furrowed with worry. “It’s not about your dad.” he waves towards the headstone, nothing the birth and death dates and bites his bottom lip. “So what is it?”

Sam doesn’t want to tell him. He wants to hold it close to his chest and never let it go, but Bucky just looks so damn worried and his chest aches and he’s so damn sad so he gives it up. 

“Riley” his voice sounds small in his ears. 

Bucky makes an affirmative sound. “Where’s he buried?”

“South Carolina where he’s from.” Then he takes a big breath. “I loved him, you know?”

Bucky looks over to him and cocks his head in surprise. 

“I did. We met in the training for the Falcon Program. He was funny. So funny. Strikingly handsome and just… a nice guy. He always made you feel at home. He had giant personality and this booming voice with an awful southern accent.” he laughs to himself, hearing Riley’s voice echoing in his ears. “I don’t know how it happened or who started what but we started fucking.” he winces, “Sorry, Dad. We started getting together. We kept it quiet. It just wasn’t something you wanted everyone to know, especially in an elite program like that. It was just a casual thing but I fell for him anyway, or I thought it was casual until we were getting ready to go on leave and he took me aside and said ‘Baby,” he impersonated Riley’s accent the best he could, “‘I wanna bring you home to meet my mama and my old man. It’s time they met the love of my life.’ It was the wildest thing. There was nothing leading up to it. One day I thought that I was going to love this man quietly until we both parted ways and the next here I was being introduced to his parents as ‘my future husband’.” Sam chuckles to himself. He can’t stand to look at Bucky, doesn’t want to see his face. He picks a few blades of grass out of the ground and twirls them in between his fingers. 

“He said ‘Mama, Daddy, this is Sam Wilson, he’s the best man I’ve ever met and I’m gonna marry him. Gonna try to get him outta that big city. We’re gonna get us a little house down near the school, get ourselves a coupla kids.’ He was so brave. So unafraid of everything. Buck, I’d never been loved like that before,” He says the next part even though he knows it’s going to break Bucky’s heart, because he can’t bare the thought of holding out a single part of him and Riley’s story, because it's true since Riley’s gone. “And I’m never gonna be loved like that again”

He’s crying now and wipes at his eyes. “Then I remember being so scared. Because he was this southern gentleman, with his perfect white, blonde family with their white picket fence; bringing this young black man from Harlem to his parent’s house and introducing me as his future husband. I was terrified, you know? But his Mom wrapped me up in her arms and said ‘Sam, welcome to your family. Our boy really loves you.’ and his dad put a big hand on my shoulder and said, he said.” Sam has to stop and breathe. “He said ‘Son, now you bring my boy home.” Sam chokes out a sob. “‘You bring him home now you hear? You both owe my wife a wedding to plan and some grandbabies to sit on my knee.’ Oh god. Riley...was so good...everything…fuck. Then the next time we had leave he came here, to meet my mom. He walked straight up to her and said- he turned the southern charm to max and told her ‘Mrs. Wilson, I’m gonna marry your boy as soon as we both can. I’m keeping him safe for you. I promise I’m gonna love him until the day I die.’” Sam groans and rubs his hands over his face. 

He feels Bucky reach out for him like he can’t help himself, grabbing Sam’s hand with his flesh one. Sam holds on tightly- a lifeline- and continues. “Then we came here. He sat here and asked my daddy if he could marry me.” he sighs. “That big dummy. He sat here and went on and on about how much he loved me, how he couldn’t wait to get outta the war. Then he up and died on me. He fucking died. I watched him fall, I watched him Bucky. I couldn’t get him. He died right in my damn arms. I saw him die, saw the light leave his eyes. I-I- I loved him so much. And I still love him.” Sam finishes and lets out a long, hitching breath. He still can’t look at Bucky. He can’t bear to see how much he’s hurt him.

Bucky’s voice is quiet when he asks, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Sam huffs out a breath and shakes his head a little. “I didn’t want to hurt you. Like I am right the fuck now. I wanted to keep you from this. You and I… we’re different. I didn’t want you to feel like you were chasing a ghost.” 

“God Sam.” then Bucky uses his metal hand to turn Sam’s face to his. Bucky’s got tear tracks down his face. It makes Sam feel guilty. “I love you.” he presses a kiss to Sam’s lips. “I love you so much. You loving Riley doesn’t change any of that. You understand?” Then he pulls Sam so that he’s sitting in Bucky’s lap. “Never hide something like this from me again, you hear? I love every part of you. Even the ones that will never have anythin’ to do with me. You’re my person, Sammy.”

Sam smiles through fresh tears and rests his head on Bucky’s shoulder. The two of them stay like that for seconds, minutes, hours- Sam’s not really sure. 

“Bucky” he breathes out when he’s calmed down a little. “You gotta say hi to my dad.”

Bucky gasps quietly then mutters “Oh shit.” before pushing Sam off of his lap. He's flustered. It makes Sam laugh a little.

“Uh- Hi Reverend Wilson. I’m Bucky- actually James because that’s what your wife calls me. I’m James. James Barnes. I’m Sam’s boyfriend. I gotta thank you, for uh, makin’ him.” he smiles. “Sam’s the best guy in the whole world, I’m sure you know that already though. I love him more than anythin’, except for my goddaughter maybe.” Bucky pauses and leans into Sam. “Reverend Wilson I just you to know that I’m real messed up. I have PTSD something terrible. Somedays I feel so bad I can’t do anything. But do you know what makes me feel better? What’s made me feel like gettin’ outta bed even if I don’t wanna since the first day I met him? That’s right. Your boy.” He looks over to Sam, proud and a little teary-eyed. “He’s made me want to be person again since the first time I laid eyes on his handsome face. You’ve got the best family. Your wife is lovely, terrifying, but lovely. Your daughter and granddaughter are perfect too. So kind and wonderful. You did a really good job, Reverend. I just- I wanna spend the rest of my life with your son. I’m gonna try even if he wants me there or not. So feel free to strike me down with lighting at any time, since I know you've got it real good with The Big Guy. I wish I could have met you in person even though I wouldn’t have gotten through half of this without clamming up. I just wanted to let you know that I love your son and I’m looking out for him, okay?”

Then Bucky takes a big breath and lets it all out in a woosh. “And tell Riley thank you.” Sam feels fresh tears stinging at the corners of his eyes. “For loving Sam.” Bucky’s crying again too. “Because sometimes I’m not so good at it. I’m tryin’ real hard, I try every day, but it sounds like Riley did a damn good job. I’m glad because, because-” Bucky’s breath is gasping, turning a bit hysterical and he pauses, running a hand through his hair. “Because Sam deserves to be loved like that and I promise I’m really gonna try. Keep tryin’ until I can't try any more.” Bucky hastily rubs his hands over his hair. His chest is heaving. He mumbles a quiet “fuck” then stands up and walks a few steps away from the headstone to compose himself. 

Sam takes a big breath. He's overwhelmed. He's so lucky. He’s so full of love he could burst. He sits quietly and listens to Bucky try and calm himself down. He swears he hears Riley’s voice in the back of his mind telling him “Sam, now you get up and take that boy home. He’s a good one.” 

Sam smiles and looks up at the sky, saying _thank you, I love you, I'm never going to stop because it looks like I don't even have to try._ He sighs, then waves at his father’s headstone and whispers “Bye, Daddy. Thanks for listening.” before getting up and padding over to where Bucky’s standing. He slides an arm around Bucky’s waist and pulls him close. Bucky looks over at him with a small smile and Sam gives him a kiss. “Come on, Sergeant. Take me home.” 

Bucky does take Sam home, squeezing his hand the entire ride back to Bed-Stuy. The two of them wander themselves into their bedroom with no real purpose. The sun is setting now, pink and orange light surrounding them from their windows.

Bucky kisses Sam one, two, three times and takes off Sam’s shirt. Sam lets him, becomes pliant under Bucky’s touch. He shivers when Bucky’s cold left hand grazes his stomach, reaching to undo his pants. He closes his eyes and let's Bucky undress him as bare as the day he was born and lay him down in their bed. Bucky undresses himself quickly and joins him under the sheets, pulling them up and around their shoulders. Bucky gives him a small smile. Sam thinks he looks sad. 

Bucky throws a leg over Sam and cups his face gently. He leans in and presses his lips softly against Sam’s cheek, then takes a finger and rubs down the bridge of Sam’s nose slowly. Sam watches him. Bucky’s watching his finger, his big blue eyes shining. He traces both of Sam’s lips next, then let's his finger drag down Sam’s chin to his collarbone. He drags his finger down to Sam’s shoulder, and traces down his arm so gently it makes Sam’s breath catch in his throat. Bucky slowly draws his finger back up Sam’s arm to his chest, to his heart. He taps it there a few times. 

“There’s a lot of room in there.” He's whispering. He's scared. It's a question wrapped up in a statement. It's a need of reassurance that Bucky needs sometimes- more than he admits.

Sam nods, “Mhm. There is. More than I think sometimes.” 

Sam places his hand flat on Bucky’s chest, right over his heart. Bucky sighs.“There's a lot of room in there, too. You're so good at loving me.”

Bucky smiles, watery and sniffs a little. His eyes look gray in their sunset-lit bedroom. “Yeah. You're hard not to love.”

The next day Sam finally calls his therapist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my most favorite chapter of this story so far. Did you cry when Sam and Bucky were at the cemetery? I sure did while writing it haha. 
> 
> The updates for this fic are probably going to slow down after this. I had up to this written when I first posted the fic, I just went and tweaked it as I thought necessary. Now I have to get my creative juices flowing and write some more! 
> 
> Thanks so much for all the love. Leave some comments! xoxo


	8. Ballerina Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha proves that she's the absolute best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to [ my bud heyfrenchfreudiana ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/heyfrenchfreudiana/pseuds/heyfrenchfreudiana) for Natasha and Sarah's matching tutus and Steve Rogers going down on girls like his life depends on it.

“And...it’s five o’clock come on Nat let’s goooo.” 

Natasha flicks her eyes up to Steve and laughs quietly to herself.

“Hold your horses, Hot Stuff. Let me finish this email to Pepper.”

Steve sighs dramatically and tries not to bounce in his seat.

Things with Natasha have been going extremely well. Her, Bucky, Sam and Steve had all had a blast during his birthday weekend (Steve had a little too much fun dancing with Sam but that's honestly besides the point.) On the night before his birthday Natasha had come over to give him a present. Steve was delighted to find out that the present was a really amazing blow job and some mind-blowing sex. Since his birthday Natasha has been joining Steve, Bucky and Sam a few nights a week to hang out. Steve’s been absolutely delighted about this. Sarah and Natasha are taking amazingly well to each other too, which is why Steve’s impatiently staring at Natasha as she finishes her email. 

This morning, Nat had come into his office with a pretty pink gift bag, complete with a bow.

“What's this?” Steve had asked her. She looked a little shy about it. Steve was equally parts confused and hoping it was lingerie.

“It's for Sarah.” Natasha rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet before looking up at him. “I got her a new pink tutu. Just like the one Angelina Ballerina wears.” She smiles brightly. “I got her a ballet for toddlers dvd. I figured we could dance together a little. Maybe I could teach her a few things.” 

Steve’s heart swelled in his chest. He was so lucky to have her, this amazing, brilliant, thoughtful woman. He stood up from his desk and quickly swooped her into a tight hug.

He searched for the right words. “Nat, she's gonna love it.” He gave her cheek a little kiss.

She huffed a laugh. “Yeah well just wait until you see the matching tutu I got myself. You have to promise not to put pictures on Facebook.”

Steve pulled back and looked her in the eyes. “Jesus. Cross my heart. She's going to absolutely die Nat.”

Natasha gave him a little smirk. “Call Bug and Ham. I'm sure they'll die too.”

Steve had sent Bucky a text to invite him and Sam over for dinner and dancing.

 **Steve** : Bucky!!!! Natasha bought Sarah and her matching tutus like Angelina!!!! Come over later!!!!

 **Bucky** : okay first calm down lover boy   
Bucky: actually I take that back don't calm down that's the cutest thing I've ever heard  
 **Bucky** : Sam and I will come ready for the show  
 **Bucky** :wearing our best suits  
 **Bucky** :Sam said he's not wearing a suit but he grabbed his chest when he thought I wasn't looking and said OMG then went to charge the camera  
 **Bucky** :I'll get her from school and Sam will cook dinner  
 **Bucky** :sam said he won't cook dinner, but says you can order us all pizza

“Okay and I'm done! Come on! Let's go!” Natasha tells him, quickly standing up and grabbing her purse and the gift bag. “Last one outside is a rotten egg!” She shouts then sprints out of her office and down the hall.

“No way!” Steve shouts back then scrambles quickly to grab all his stuff and race to catch her.

Nat had beaten him outside, but it was an unfair win because she had a head start. 

“Oh come on, Rogers.” She goads as they ride the subway to Brooklyn. “I'm just faster than you!”

“You are not! I run like every day with Sam! I beat him every time!”

“Well maybe you're both just really slow. Did you ever consider that?”

The two of them bicker and tease each other the entire ride home.

“Sam!” Steve all but shouts as he opens the door. “Natasha says we are slow!”

“Maybe Nat has super speed.” Bucky says with Sarah in his lap. She's wriggling to greet them and he sets her down gently. “Go get your daddy!”

Sarah runs full speed past Steve and throws herself around Natasha’s legs. 

“Hi!” She says excitedly, looking up at Natasha with a big goofy grin.

“Hi little one!” Natasha says, bending down to scoop Sarah up. “Guess what?”

Steve tries not to hold his breath with excitement. Sam and Bucky get out their phones to record from across the room.

“What?” 

“I got you a present.” She sets Sarah back down gently and gets on her knees. Steve hands her the pink gift bag to pass on to Sarah. 

Sarah looks up at him, bouncing on her toes. “Daddy! A present!”

Steve smiles so hard that he's surprised his face doesn't split into two. “I know baby! Look inside.”

Sarah carefully takes the tissue paper out of the bag. When she sees inside she lets out an ear piercing scream.

“Daddy! Bug! Ham! Wook! Wook! For me! A tutu! For me! Like ‘lina! Bug! Ham! See?” She has the tutu in hand and is running around the apartment. Sam gets a nice smack in the face from the tutu, which makes Bucky laugh hysterically.

“Sweetie, what do you say to Natasha?”

Sarah gasps, remembering her manners and runs over to Natasha, flinging her little arms around Natasha’s neck. 

“Thank you. Thank you.” Then she gives Natasha a big, wet kiss on the cheek.

Natasha’s smiling ear to ear. She gives Sarah’s cheek a little kiss back. “You're welcome Sarah! But there's more!”

Sarah and Bucky both gasp. Bucky quietly mutters, “I can't take this, oh my god.”

Natasha looks over to Bucky and giggles before she reaches in the bag again, pulling out the Dvd and her own pink tutu. 

“For Bug?” Sarah asks. Sam barks out a laugh.

“Not for Bug.” Natasha says, fighting to keep down giggles. “For me! This video will teach you how to dance. I can help. We can put on a show for your daddy, Bug and Ham! How does that sound.”

Sarah shrieks again and exclaims “A show! A show!”

Sarah and Natasha practice their moves while Steve orders pizza. They all break for dinner before the big show.

After they’ve eaten Steve takes Sarah to her room to put on her new tutu. Natasha comes in after she’s changed. She somehow manages to even look stunning in a frilly pink tutu. Steve’s not surprised. She's tied her hair back into a tight bun. Sarah asks her for a “pretty ponytail” and she does her hair up tightly too. She looks so damn cute. He takes a picture and sends it to Bucky, Sam, sam’s mom, bucky’s mom, bucky’s mom’s neighbor, Bucky’s step dad, sam’s sister and posts it on Facebook too. It'd be a crime not to. 

When Sarah and Natasha are officially ready Steve’s shooed away to go wait in the audience. The audience is looking rather silly. Bucky’s thrown a tie and suit jacket over his Mets tee and Sam’s sitting with his arms crossed, looking rather grumpy with a scarf hanging from his neck and a top hat haphazardly tossed on his head. Steve can tell who made the wardrobe choices.

“Ladies and daddies!” Natasha announces from down the hall. “Bugs and Hams! May I present to you Miss Sarah Ballerina!”

The three men whoop and clap loudly as Sarah skips her way down the hallway into the newly cleared living room. When she reaches the “stage” she claps loudly for herself, prompting her father and uncles to clap once more. Natasha follows her closely, looking amazingly gorgeous and graceful. Steve’s in awe of her. She models a few moves that Sarah attempts to copy. Steve is trying so, so hard not to cry. She looks so cute and Natasha’s so amazing and holy hell he’s so lucky. Bucky’s hand shoots out and grabs his tightly. Steve looks over to him. His eyes are a little wet. He leans over to Steve and says “Mom would have loved this. She's so beautiful, Stevie.”

Steve almost loses it right then and there but settles on giving Bucky’s hand another tight squeeze.

Natasha lifts Sarah up and spins her around. Sarah giggles loudly and throws her hands up in the air. Natasha sets her down and she exclaims, “All done!” Then the two of them curtsy. 

They get a standing ovation from the audience.

Later, when Sarah’s all tucked into bed and Natasha and Steve are halfway through an awful movie Natasha says, “Okay. This movie sucks. I give up on it.” She climbs onto Steve’s lap. 

“Give me a kiss, Captain.”

Steve does, leaning up to press his lips onto hers. He places his hands gingerly on her hips. She cups his face and deepens the kiss, licking against his tongue.

“Wanna stay over?” He asks into her mouth.

“Uh huh.” And then Steve’s picking her up with a little yelp and carrying her to his bedroom. He lays her down gently on his bed. She looks so beautiful there, spread out in one of his old tee shirts and sleep pants. He wants to draw her, but settles on covering her body with his and kissing her again. She grinds her hips up into his and wraps both legs around his waist, making a soft sound at the feeling. 

Then there's a little pounding at the bedroom door.

“Daddy! Daddy!” Sarah’s woken up. She sounds frantic.

Steve screws up his face. “I'm sorry. She probably had a nightmare.” He explains as he eases off of her. “You can totally go home if you have to.”

He's giving her an out. He's not sure if she wants to do any more “kid stuff” today. He doesn't want to bother her.

She smiles gently at him “It's fine. I'll be here when she's asleep again.”

Steve smiles back and nods, then goes to open the door and try and get Sarah back to sleep.

Whatever nightmare she had must have been bad, because she starts wailing as soon as she sees him, all the fear and anxiety rushing out at the sight of her father.

“Oh, baby!” He scoops her up into his arms. She's really sobbing now. Steve can feel her tears leaking through his shirt.

“Oh my poor baby.” He hums and rubs her back gently, rocking back and forth on his feet. 

“Daddy.” She hiccups 

“I'm here, Sarah. _Tá sé ceart go leor.  
Tá mé fuair tú._"He whispers to her softly, telling her the same things he tells Bucky when his nightmares are especially bad or include Steve or his family. Both of their moms are Irish, and spoke a few phrases of the Gaelic they remembered to their young boys when they were scared, hurt or sick.

“Sleep with you, daddy?”

Most times after a nightmare Steve will bring Sarah back into bed with him and curl up with her. But with Natasha there, it's not an option.

“Not tonight love bug.”

“Daddy! With you!” She starts wailing again. Steve feels his stomach drop out in guilt.

“Bring her back.” Natasha tells him. She's leaning on the door frame, watching the two of them with a soft look on her face.

“Nat-” 

“Shush. Bring her to bed. We can all snuggle.” She pads over to the two of them and pulls on his arm. “Come on.”

Natasha lies down first. Steve agonizes for a minute about where to put his daughter before Sarah peeks her head up and tells him “‘Atasha.”

Natasha makes grabby hands at her and Steve passes her off before lying down on Sarah’s other side, pulling the covers up around them then curling around the two of them. 

“I'm sorry.” He tells Natasha, still feeling guilty about Sarah’s interruption.

“Can it, Rogers.” She says lightly as she shifts Sarah so that she's resting in the crook of her arm with her little blonde head on Steve’s shoulder. Steve smiles.

“To make it up to you I'll take you out to a nice fancy dinner on Saturday.”

“You don't need to make anything up to me.” Her green eyes look up into his. “She's part of you. This stuff comes with the territory. I'm not an idiot. I knew-” She cuts herself off abruptly, trapping whatever she was about to say inside her then looks down into Sarah’s face, who's quickly fallen asleep again. 

Steve brings a hand up to brush the hair out of her face. “You're amazing. You know that?”

She looks up at him and cocks a little grin. 

“Yeah? Then you better make it an extra fancy dinner on Saturday.”

Steve lets out a little chuckle and cups the side of her face. “It's a date. Sweet dreams.” 

She kisses the side of his palm. “You too.”

Steve gives the top of Sarah’s head a kiss and closes his eyes, falling asleep to the sound of Natasha and Sarah breathing.

_____________________

“That was a pretty fancy dinner, hot shot.” Natasha tells Steve as they're leaving the restaurant. She bumps his shoulder. 

“Yeah well, I like to treat a pretty lady right.” He smiles down at her and takes her hand into his.

“Oh goodness me. Such a gentleman.”

“Ma’am, Stop giving me all those compliments. You're gonna make a fella think you're into him.” 

She throws her head back and laughs. “Maybe that's what I want you to think.”

He smiles down at her. “Good. Because I'm into you too.”

She lets go of his hand and shoves him. “Dork!”

They giggle the rest of the walk back to Steve’s apartment. She pins Steve up against his front door before he can unlock it. 

“Now the real question is, how much of a gentleman do you want to be in the bedroom?” She waggles her eyebrows for maximum effect.

Steve plays along, cupping her ass with both hands. “That depends. How much of a gentleman do you want me to be?”

She moves her body off of his and takes the keys out of his hands. “Hmm…” She unlocks the front door and opens it, stepping inside. Steve follows. She grabs him by his shirt collar roughly, pulling him close. “I think I don't want you to be a gentleman at all. You gonna fuck me good?”

Steve flushes hot. She's so unbelievably sexy. He moves his face in close to hers so that their lips are almost touching. “Yeah.”

“Come on and show me then.” And she kisses him.

It's hot and biting, a perfect mixture of teeth and tongue. She tastes sweet and delicious. Steve wants to taste all of her. Now. He picks her up with two strong hands under her thighs and carries her to the bed. He sits her down on the edge of it and kisses her again, wanting, exploring. She arches into his body and reaches her hands up to strip off his shirt. 

She places her small hands on his chest. “You're like a Greek god.” 

He gives a little laugh and kisses his way down her neck. “Come on. Yours too.” She obliged and strips off her shirt. He unhooks her bra and throws it aside before laying her out on his bed. They're both panting, sweating a little already. 

Steve takes his time and kisses and nips his way down her neck, her chest. He pauses at her full breasts to lick and suck her nipple. 

She grabs at his hair and moans, arching up into him. He switches sides, properly teasing her other nipple with his tongue, tweaking her already over-sensitive nipple with his fingers. She moans his name softly. Steve’s cock is already hard and aching inside his pants.

He moves his way down, down, licking his way to her hips, sucking a light bruise into one of them. 

“Oh,” she says, “oh, _oh_ Steve.”

He moans into her skin and sucks a little harder before undoing her pants and shucking them to the floor.

“Come on,” she tells him with a coy smirk, “yours too.”

Steve smiles into her belly and undresses himself the rest of the way, his hard cock pressed into the bed as he lays himself back down, positioning himself over her again.

She looks like a damn wet dream. Her lace panties are red over her creamy, smooth skin. Her hair’s bright, strewn across Steve’s white sheets. She has one fist balled up in them from anticipation. Her breath’s coming out in quick, short gasps. 

Steve’s mouth is practically watering just looking at her. He takes his palm and rubs at her through her panties. They're slick and wet from her. 

“Maybe I should just leave these on.” He takes a finger and rubs at her through them. “They look real nice.” 

“That would be the gentlemanly thing to do.” She's breathless, her breasts heaving. “You gotta take them off.” 

He wants to keep teasing her, he really does but he can't stand to. He grins up at her and slowly slides her panties down and off. He kisses up her leg, open mouthed with his tongue licking at her skin. 

“Come on.” She's fully frustrated now. Writhing a little in the sheets.

“Ask nicely.” He's reached the top of her thighs, waiting for her response.

“ _Please!_ "

That's all that Steve needs, he dives into her with his tongue, groaning at her taste. He gives her clit little kittenish licks before taking it into his mouth and giving it a suck. 

“Oh! Oh!” Her hands fly to his head. She's squirming against his mouth. 

He goes all in, licking and sucking on her thoroughly. She's so wet now. He slides a finger into her, feeling her hot heat. She clenches down on him and her hips buck.

“Fuck!”

He adds a second finger, crooking and moving them inside of her while still giving her clit a brutal assault with his tongue. He feels her stomach muscles start to contract and knows that she's close. He gives her clit another hard suck and that's all it takes. She moans loudly, pulling at his hair and rocking into his face as she contracts tightly against his fingers and comes.

Steve wipes his face with the back of his hand, cock heavy and hard in between his legs. 

“Fuck me, Steve. Please, please fuck me.”

Steve swears and rolls on a condom. He lines himself up against her. She wraps her legs around his waist as he slowly pushes inside of her. He groans at the tight feeling around his cock. She's so wet, so good.

Both of her fists are balled up in the sheets overtop of her head, her eyes are screwed up shut. She's moaning on every hard thrust. Steve thinks she couldn't look more beautiful. 

“Harder, harder.” She twists her hips against him. 

Steve groans loudly and increases his pace, cupping her breast roughly before pinching her nipple in his fingers.

He feels himself getting close, his balls drawn up tight, pleasure mounting from the base of his spine.

“Oh god Natasha you feel so good.”

She moans in response, screwing her face up. 

“I'm gonna come again. You come too. Give me it.” Her breaths are coming out hard and hitching.

Steve moans. His thrusts become erratic and rough. He feels her body clench up tight around him as her second orgasm tears through her. It sends him barreling down straight after her with a loud groan, thrusting one, two more times before he's spent. 

“Oh my god.” She offers as he flops down next to her. She's breathing hard, her hair’s frizzing at her temples from sweating.

Steve starts laughing breathlessly. “Oh my god is right. You want me to clean us up?”

“Nah.” She slaps his chest. “I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'll be right back” She gives him a sweet kiss before leaving the room.

Steve cleans himself up with a groan and lays back down, fully satisfied and content.

She comes back from the bathroom and cuddles into Steve’s side, throwing a leg and an arm over him.

Steve’s so relaxed, so satisfied that he almost doesn't hear her question. 

“So when were you going to tell me you have feelings for your two best friends?”

_Oh. Fuck. This is not the after sex talk he expected._

Steve stiffens, “I don't have feelings for either of them.”

Natasha laughs, full on. “Come on, Rogers. You're shitting me. You're a terrible liar.”

Steve takes a breath, steadies himself. He owes it to Natasha and maybe even himself to admit it all out loud.

“Well, I was going for never. But you're very intuitive.”

Natasha draws circles into his chest. “Do you love them both?”

Steve takes a second and thinks, really thinks, because it's been so long since he's entertained the thought of being with Sam or Bucky that he's not even sure.

“No. I used to love Bucky I think. Maybe I still do. I think I just loved him for so long that it doesn't even feel like love anymore. It just feels like us. I love Sam, though. Only a little. He's a hard guy not to fall for.”

She waits to see if he's going to elaborate. When he doesn't she says, “When did you know?”

“With Bucky? When I got back from war and found out he was a POW. It felt like this giant hole in my chest. I thought I'd lost him. Bucky’s been in my life for so long that I didn't feel whole without him anymore. I know him better than I know myself. He's apart of me. Maybe that's why I've loved him- or used to, for so long that I don't even care any more. I've never tried to be with him. Maybe I was scared. He never tried either so… that was that.”

She makes an affirmative noise and kisses his chest lightly. “And Sam?”

Steve laughs. “This is going to sound awful and maybe even petty but, I realized it when he got together with Bucky. I was happy for them. I still am, but I don't know… Sam’s always been the best guy I know. I wasn't looking for a relationship or a hook up when I met him. I had this new baby and Bucky was all kinds of fucked up back then. I didn't have room for new love. Then he got with Bucky and I knew that ship had sailed. I guess I don't know what I want until it's gone.”

She strokes the side of his face softly. “Maybe not.”

Steve turns his head to look at her. “What?”

Her fingers move from the side of his face to tilt his chin down. She gives him a long kiss. 

“Steve, I've seen the way they both look at you. I'm just an outsider looking in so far, but all I'm saying is that you missed your first opportunity to be with the both of them but maybe you have another chance.”

Steve’s dumbfounded. His face must show it because she starts giggling at him. 

“Nat seriously! I don't want them to break up! I want them to get married and have lots of babies and live happily ever after. Plus, where would that leave you? I mean I know we’re not officially together or anyth-”

Natasha quickly rolls so that she's on top of Steve, straddling his hips. Steve’s suddenly aware of the fact that they're both very, very naked.

“Shush. See, you're lucky,” She leans in and gives him a biting hot kiss. Steve feels his dick twitch against her. “I am a woman with an open mind and two working eyes, unlike yourself.”

Steve puts both hands on her hips, she gives them a little rock against him that makes his breath hitch. “My eyes work fine.” He tells her breathlessly, not as insistent as he wanted to.

“Sure. So wouldn't you like it if we could all have some fun? Wouldn't you like to see Sam and I sucking your cock? Maybe Bucky can be fucking him. Maybe he can be kissing that spot behind your ear that gets you so worked up.” She rocks her hips again against his now hard cock. He lets out a big huff of breath. He thinks this is a pretty weird time to be as hard as he is, but he's thinking of Sam and Bucky and Natasha feels so good against him that he can't help himself. He wants it. Steve can feel her getting wet again, the slickness of her rubbing off on him. “Wouldn't you like it if _both_ of us could be in between them?” 

“I-I-” Steve starts. His brain’s shorted out at the imagine of the four of them in bed together. 

Natasha picks that moment to reach a hand between them and slide Steve’s cock into her wet, hot heat. Steve groans. 

“Yeah, oh, I'd like that.”

She gives a slow roll of her hips and bites her bottom lip at the feeling. 

“Steve, have you ever heard of polyamory?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, thank you, thank you. Let me know what you think :)


	9. Just the... four of us?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I'm serious it's just something I've been thinking about.”
> 
> Bucky grunts in frustration and then lifts two fingers up to his temple in an attempt to read his mind. 
> 
> Sam groans and slaps Bucky’s hand away from his temple. 
> 
> “I can't believe you're still on that. Fine. I'll tell you.” He takes a breath. “Have you ever thought about having sex with Natasha and Steve?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is basically 5k of smut. Enjoy!

“Sam, I can't come again.” 

All of a sudden Sam’s sex drive has come back with a vengeance. He's feeling better and started therapy a few weeks ago. Bucky’s happy about it for many reasons. For one, he gets to see more of that beautiful gap-toothed smile more and more every day. Also, Bucky’s always had a pretty insatiable sex drive. 

But this, is too much.

Sam’s mouthing at his spent dick through his boxers. They've had sex three times already tonight. Bucky’s legs feel like absolute jello on the bed. Sam laughs at him.

“Not even once more?”

“No!” Bucky groans. “Stick a fork in me, i'm done!” He sits up to look at Sam. “Could you even come again?”

Sam smiles up at him. “Not a chance.”

He crawls up the bed and let's Bucky wraps his arms around him. 

“I love you, you know that Buck?”

Bucky smiles and plants a kiss on the back of Sam’s neck. 

“Yeah. Love you too.”

The next morning Bucky’s woken up by a hard cock digging into his hip and Sam mouthing at his shoulder.

“Oh my god, Sam. You're an early riser huh?.”

Sam groans at his terrible (awesome) pun. “Ugh.” He licks his way up to where Bucky’s neck meets his shoulder and nips at the skin there.

“Babe, it's not that I'm not enjoying all this, but I have to ask. What's gotten into you lately? You've never been this into sex. It's been a wild two weeks.”

“Mmm.” Sam flicks his tongue at Bucky’s earlobe and rocks into him. “Okay you have to promise not to get mad.”

Bucky furrows his brow and rolls over so that he can look at Sam. “Mad? Why would I get mad? Is there something going on?”

Sam looks at Bucky’s chest and moves his hands to grip Bucky’s hips again, trying to distract him. 

“No way. You're telling me. Now I'm concerned.”

“Baby…” He whines at Bucky, trying his best to wriggle them closer together.

“Sammy.”

“It's not important.”

“ _Samuel_.”

“I'm serious it's just something I've been thinking about.”

Bucky grunts in frustration and then lifts two fingers up to his temple in an attempt to read his mind. 

Sam groans and slaps Bucky’s hand away from his temple. 

“I can't believe you're still on that. Fine. I'll tell you.” He takes a breath. “Have you ever thought about having sex with Natasha and Steve?”

Bucky’s eyes bug out of his head.

“No!” He says honestly. 

Sam raises an eyebrow. “Not even with just Steve?”

“No!” He says, dishonestly this time.

Okay well it's not like he's never thought about having sex with his best friend, he's just locked every piece of sexual and emotional attraction to his Steve away in his Guarded Feelings Vault. 

There was a point in time where Bucky wanted Steve, wanted him bad.

When Bucky was 16 he realized he had a thing for his best friend. Steve was smaller then, just a little guy but God was he cute. He was about 100 pounds of righteous anger and fight. Thus so far in Bucky’s life he had spent most of his time following Steve from mission to mission, fight to fight. Steve always had something to be angry about. It could be a social justice cause, it could be a teacher who was spitting out bad or crappy information in a class, it could be a girl who was getting picked on, it could be a lonely kid sitting at a lunch table alone that looked like he needed a friend. Whatever fight Steve wanted to enter, Bucky was always right there beside him. 

When Bucky was 15 and Steve was 16, that fight was internal for Steve. All of a sudden Steve had pulled away from him, started to spend more time alone. It broke Bucky’s heart. What had he done wrong? He agonized about it for weeks until one night when he was seconds from falling asleep and Steve climbed up into his window from the fire escape.

“Uh, hey Buck.” He had told him. Steve was wearing his glasses that he promised (he still does this shit) he only needs when he's tired. They were falling down his nose. Bucky wanted to push them up for him.

“Hey.” Bucky mumbled back, his voice was thick and sleepy.

Steve padded over to Bucky’s bed. He untied his sneakers one by one and then shucked his jeans. Bucky scooter over so that Steve could lie down with him. This was nothing new, nothing that they hadn't done hundreds, thousands of times since they were babies napping together in a crib while their moms drank tea and chatted. 

Steve looked like he wanted to snuggle into Bucky’s side but sighed instead and said. “I have something to tell you. Roll over.”

Bucky did as he was told and felt Steve get in the bed. He shimmied so that their backs were touching then let out another big breath.

“Hey, so you know how you said you like guys and girls?”

“Yeah…” Bucky had came out to Steve about a year ago when he had kissed Martin Brown from down the street. It hadn't been a thing for either of them. Bucky's known he's been attracted to men since he saw Han Solo’s smiling face in Star Wars when he was 9. It just took him until he kissed a boy for him to officially fess up to being bisexual. 

Steve shifted uncomfortably. “Well I think I am too.”

Bucky furrowed his brow. That was something he hadn't seen coming. It was surprising, not bad, just surprising. 

“Oh. Okay that's cool.” Bucky told him. Because what else was he supposed to say? Steve was his best friend. Everything he did was cool.

“Yeah. So, uh, how far have you gotten with a guy?” Steve breathed out. He sounded relieved that Bucky had taken his confession well. 

“Um. I sucked Robbie Kefner off once.” More than once.

“Buck!” Steve sounded a little scandalized. “You never told me that!”

It made Bucky laugh. “Well you never asked, punk!” He rolled over so that he was looking at the back of Steve’s head. 

Steve rolled over and looked at Bucky, smiling. “You're a real jerk, Buck.” He gave Bucky’s shoulder a little shove. “Hey we should make out.”

Bucky’s jaw dropped. What.

Steve sensed his shock. “Not like that. Like for practice!”

Bucky was dumbfounded. “You want to make out with me...for practice?”

Steve nodded. “Yeah. It's not gonna be a big thing. You're my best friend. We help each other out all the time. This is no different. Come on, teach me how to kiss.”

Bucky was reminded that he was in fact a teenage boy by the hot flash of want he received at the thought of kissing his best friend. He shrugged. “Okay, sure.”

Steve smiled. “Awesome!” Then Steve pushed Bucky so that his shoulders were flat on the bed and climbed on top of him, all skin and bones straddling his hips. He smiled again, and just like that they were kissing. Steve’s lips were soft against his. He tasted like Chapstick and toothpaste. That little punk had it planned all along. 

They ended up getting off like that, kissing and rubbing on each other like there was no tomorrow. Bucky leant Steve a fresh pair of boxers (that he never returned) and the two of them curled up around each other and fell asleep.

Unfortunately for Bucky, tomorrow came. 

Bucky developed a big, fat crush on Steve quickly. Every time Steve came over to spend the night he would hope and pray he would get the chance to kiss his friend again. It lasted for months. Steve either was or pretended to be oblivious about it and it hurt. Bucky was in agony over how much he liked Steve, and Steve had made it very clear that their little kissing practice was a one time deal. It honest to goodness sucked. There was no other way to put it.

That summer Steve met Peggy Carter and Bucky met his first boyfriend, Jake and it had helped. Jake was there to fill the void that Bucky wished Steve would take up. Bucky fell hard for Jake and managed to create the Friends Vault inside his mind. He put all his feelings for Steve inside it and locked them away for good. The crush faded years and years before Bucky had met Sam. It was a non-issue- until now apparently. 

“Bucky.” Sam warns.

“Fine! Yes I've thought about having sex with Steve, but not in like ten years. We made out and humped each other once when we were younger, I got a stupid crush, Steve didn't do anything about it blah blah blah…” He lets himself trail off.

Sam’s eyebrows go up at his admission. “I knew you guys had to have hooked up at least once. You're both lying sacks of shit.”

Bucky scoffs. “I was a child, Sam! This isn't even about me! It's about your newfound sexual obsession with my best friend and his girlfriend-”

“She's not his girlfriend.”

“God you sound just like Steve. Dummy never knows how good he has it until it's gone. Then he mopes around like a lost puppy. Anyway, it's about your sexual obsession with Steve and Natasha.”

“So you're telling me you've never thought about Natasha that way?”

“Of course I have! Have you seen her?”

“Yes! That's exactly my point. Our friends are sexy as fuck Bucky. We should have sex with them.”

Bucky’s never even had a threesome, much less a foursome. He tries to figure out how it would exactly work.

Sam reads his mind, somehow, “No Bucky, it doesn't have to be like the human centipede of sex. There are other ways to have a foursome.”

Bucky blushes. “How the hell did you even know I was thinking about that? Well tell me then, master of foursomes, how does one exactly go.” Bucky’s curious, but still not sold on the whole idea. 

Sam sighs. “Okay. Close your eyes and imagine it.”

Bucky follows his orders and shuts his eyes tightly. 

So it starts out with you and Natasha.”

Bucky pokes an eye open. “Me and Nat?”

“Yeah. Close your eyes again. Steve’s too much of a do-do bird to do anything like this without her. So you and Nat somehow end up making out and it's getting hot and heavy. Realistically, the two of you were probably role playing Han and Leia.”

Bucky is on board with that. “I'm interested. Continue.”

“So Steve and I walk in right? We are probably all sweaty from our run. He gets so red and flushed when he runs.” Bucky licks his lips, imagining it. “His shirt gets even tighter than normal. It sticks to him so nice.” 

“Uh huh.” Bucky’s cock twitches in his pants. The thought of Sam alone all sweaty after his run does it for him, Steve’s an added bonus. 

“So we catch the two of you going at it and Steve’s all scandalized at first but then you turn to us and are like ‘you guys gonna join or what?’ And I'm like ‘hell yeah’ then I drag Steve into bed with the two of you and start kissing his pretty little mouth while you rub his cute ass.”

“He does have a cute ass.” Bucky can feel his cheeks heating up.

“I know. You're just dying to get in it, aren't you?”

Bucky shifts. “This is about you, not me.”

He can hear the smirk in Sam’s voice. “Sure. So then we will pass Steve off, both of us kissing him. He’ll love it too. But what about Natasha right?”

Bucky nods. 

“Natasha will climb herself over to me and sit herself right in my lap, pushing Steve off so she can have me all to herself. Just like this.”

Sam moves to Bucky and straddles his hips. Bucky grips his ass with both hands. His cock is fully hard in his pants now. Sam gives him a little kiss. Bucky’s eyes are still closed, playing along. 

“So then she’ll kiss me and when we look over we will see you and Steve just going at it, practically ripping each other’s clothes off.”

Bucky gives a long sigh at the thought before he's realized he's done it. Sam chuckles and grinds his hips against Bucky’s slightly. Bucky can feel that Sam’s hard. 

“I'll really like that and Natasha will be able to tell, so she will suck me off while we watch the two of you. Her lips will look so good around me.” Sam rocks his hips again. “Can't you imagine that, baby? By now you'll surely have Steve’s cock in your mouth.”

Bucky’s breathless. “I think Steve would probably suck my cock first.”

Sam gives him a hot kiss and cups his face, running his thumb over Bucky’s lips. Bucky reaches his tongue out to lick it. “Oh. You just wanna see your cock in between those pretty lips don't you? I know how much you like to watch yourself get sucked off.” Sam gives a rock of his hips onto Bucky’s and nips at his ear. Bucky sighs and bears his neck, asking for more. 

“Uh huh. Steve seems like he's got a mouth made for sucking dick.”

“Mmmhmm.” Sam’s mouthing at his neck now. “Now you're getting it. Then we will switch off. I'm gonna get a lap full of Steve’s little ass while he kisses me. Nat’s gonna make her way over to you. I know you love tits Buck. Hers are so nice aren't they?” 

“Uh huh.” Bucky’s so turned on he's incapable of anything more.

“You're gonna want them in your mouth. I bet she makes the prettiest little noises when you tease her with your tongue.” 

Bucky sucks in air sharply through his teeth and Sam gives his hips a sweet, slow roll. 

“Then I know you're going to want to taste her. You'll undress her nice and slow before you start eating her out.”

“Jesus.” Bucky manages. If Sam wasn't on top of him right now he'd surely have a hand down his pants. 

“And I'll get the pleasure of having Steve’s sweet little lips around my cock. I bet he's real good at it. Maybe we could get him to try and suck us off at the same time.”

Bucky’s mind almost whites out at the image. The red warning light inside his mental vault is going off loudly. The guard has quit in frustration. The vault’s door has been broken. Bucky’s filled with an intense and sudden strike of want for Natasha and Steve. He swears and bucks his hips up into Sam’s. He opens his eyes and leans up to kiss Sam. He's so, so turned on and a little embarrassed. Sam kisses him back with reckless abandon, licking roughly into his mouth and moaning. 

They're rudely interrupted by a harsh knocking on their front door. Sam swears and Bucky groans. 

“I’ll get it.” Sam says, sliding off of Bucky and pulling on a shirt. Bucky follows him into the living room.

Sam answers the door. 

In walks Steve trailed closely by Natasha. Everyone’s silent for a long minute. Steve looks shifty. 

“Hey guys.” Steve says calmly before he quickly moves quickly and pushes Sam against the wall and kisses him, hard. 

Bucky’s eyes bug out of his head. He rubs at them. Did he fall asleep? Has he even woken up yet today? 

Sam looks shocked for a moment before he wraps both hands around Steve and kisses him back hard. 

Bucky looks up at Natasha. She shrugs. “We want to fuck you both.

“Oh!” Bucky says looking back to Steve and Sam kissing at his side again. Holy shit. “Oh. That's- that's good.”

Steve breaks the kiss off, he's breathless and panting. “Sam. I’m in love with you.” And then he dives right back in to kiss Sam some more before Sam can even respond. Sam groans into his mouth and cups his ass, pulling their bodies flush against the wall. 

“Oh. That's nice” Bucky says, completely bewildered. He really must be asleep.

Steve breaks off the kiss again then spins so that he's facing Bucky. Bucky takes a step back. Steve looks like a man on a mission. It makes Bucky a little nervous. His brain's still not computing properly.

“Buck.” He's pink-cheeked and his lips are swollen and he looks so, so good. Behind him Bucky can see Sam glancing at Natasha, looking as dazed as Bucky feels.

“Uh- yeah bud?” Steve’s inching himself closer to him. When he gets close enough he grabs Bucky’s metal arm and pulls to bring them closer. 

Steve stops when his lips are centimeters from Bucky’s. “I think I love you too. I don't know, you're hard to figure out. I've known you for so long. God, Bucky. I do know one thing, though. I've wanted your dick inside me since I was 16 years old.”

“Oh okay.” Bucky’s brain has completely shorted out. “That's cool. We should, uh, probably talk about this or-”

Steve interrupts him by planting his lips firmly on Bucky’s. Bucky instantly melts into the kiss, feeling his lips on Steve’s for only the second time in his life. He groans as Steve opens his mouth with little flicks of his tongue. Bucky hears Sam ask Natasha, “You in or what?” before he Natasha exclaims “Hell yeah!” 

He can hear Sam and Natasha kissing and if he could just open his eyes he could see them but oh god Steve’s mouth feels to good for him to do anything but stand there and kiss back. 

Steve breaks them apart with one last press of his lips. Bucky’s head is swirling. What the fuck is going on and oh my god did he just say he thinks he loves me?

Steve must sense Bucky’s sudden tension because he presses a finger to Bucky’s lips before they even part to speak.

“Shh. Don't say anything back. Don't even think about it. I just had to tell you both.”

Bucky takes Steve’s face in his hands. “Steve I feel like this is kinda something we have to talk about because you just admitted you think you love me and you definitely love my boyfriend who’s making out with your girlfriend-”

“She's not my girlfriend.”

“Steve you're a dumb asshole and that's like completely not the point at all but they are making out and you should really turn around and look.”

Steve turns around so that he can see Sam and Natasha going at it and wow, that's something Bucky wants to remember for the rest of his entire life. They've made their way to the couch. Natasha’s sitting on Sam’s lap with one of his hands pulled tightly in her hair and the other one cupping her ass. There's a lot of teeth and tongue and it’s obscene how good they look together. Natasha pulls back and grabs steve’s shirt collar to drag him close. She kisses his deeply and Sam moves his hand to motion for the both of them to come and join them. Steve moves quickly and places himself next to the both of them on the couch. He kisses at Natasha’s neck and Sam brings a hand up to stoke his back. 

“Jesus Christ.” Bucky breathes because he's still so befuddled but he's never been more turned on in his life. 

Steve switches to kissing Sam while Natasha’s still in his lap. Nat looks over at Bucky and grins.

“Fellas, what about we take this to the bedroom?” She says, sliding off of Steve’s lap. Sam and Steve are up and heading hand in hand to the bedroom quickly. Bucky’s still standing flabbergasted besides the couch. 

“You okay?” She asks him. She looks so unbelievably sexy there, standing with that coy smirk on her face.

“Yeah.” Bucky breathes, because he is. Confused and turned on and stunned but he is.

“Come here.” She extends a hand for him.

Bucky instantly pulls her in close to kiss her. Her lips are plump and soft. The kiss starts out sweet but quickly develops a biting edge that just fits so perfectly into the Natasha he has come to know. It makes him want to growl. He fights her for control, licking into her mouth and reaching both hands to her hips to pull her flush against him. She lets out a surprised noise that goes straight to Bucky’s dick. She's stepping them backwards down the hallway closer to the bedroom. Bucky brings a hand up to cup her breast. Natasha groans, biting his bottom lip and something inside him just breaks. He shoves her against the wall of the hallway and presses his body tightly against hers. The kiss turns biting then and Natasha moans into his mouth. He breaks it just long enough to pull off her shirt before he plunges back in again and bites her lower lip. She's hot and feisty under him, grabbing at his ass so that he's grinding under her. He lets his mouth leave hers and move down her jaw to suck at her neck. She groans again.

“Bucky.” Her breath is coming out gasping. “The bedroom. They're probably fucking already.” 

Bucky swears into the soft skin at her collarbone and makes a frustrated noise before picking her up and walking them both into the bedroom, kissing at her neck the entire time. She's responsive, gasping and gripping at his shoulders. He plops her down on the bed. She wasn't quite wrong. Steve has managed to get Sam completely naked and laid out beneath him. He's got Sam’s cock in his mouth. Bucky climbs on the bed behind them and with a little wiggling, strips off Steve’s shirt. He runs his hands up and down Steve’s naked muscled back as he sucks Sam down, unable to help himself. Steve lets out a groan around Sam’s cock. Natasha comes up behind him and touches his chest before stripping off his own shirt. She presses back in and Bucky can feel her tits against his back. Sam was right, he does want to taste her everywhere, but Steve looks so good with Sam in his mouth that he can't bear to look away.

“Buck.” Sam calls out for him from beneath him and that's all Bucky needs to hear. He moves, laying himself down next to Sam. Sam turns his head to the side and kisses Bucky. He lets go of his lips and his deep brown eyes lock into Bucky’s. 

“You okay?” He's panting and breathless.

“Yeah.” Bucky replies, just as breathless and plunges his lips into Sam’s again. He's scooting himself closer to the two of them as if he could get In between them somehow. Steve lets go of Sam’s cock with a loud slurp and a whine from Sam that Bucky swallows down.He leans up and kisses Natasha behind him, sloppy and wet. Then he leans down and grabs the side of Sam’s face gently, pulling his lips off Bucky’s.

“Sam.” Steve whispers. He gives Sam one more hot kiss before he leans down and plants his lips on Bucky’s again. Bucky groans. Steve tastes delicious.

Natasha manages to scoot herself into their pile and kisses Sam deeply. It's the four of them, pressed tightly in a sweaty partly-clothed mess. 

Bucky loves it.

“Take your clothes off.” He says to no one in particular, except for Sam who's already completely naked. Steve and Natasha comply, stripping efficiently. 

Bucky moves and undoes his own pants. He's barely gotten them off around his ankles before he's being pinned to the bed by Steve. Steve looks at him, his blue eyes glassy and filled with want.

“God Bucky, you're so…” He groans and kisses Bucky hard on the mouth then on the neck. 

Bucky moans high in his throat “Oh, _oh Steve_.”

Steve moves his mouth down Bucky’s body quickly, tasting his skin. When he's settled in between Bucky’s thighs he looks up at Sam. 

“Wanna help?”

“Thought you'd never ask.” Sam groans. He lies himself down next to Steve. The two of them kiss again. 

“You start.” Sam’s smirking up at Steve. Bucky’s brain has lost the ability to make a coherent thought. 

Steve smiles before sucking Bucky’s entire cock down in one go. Bucky’s hips arch before two strong hands, maybe Sam’s but he's not sure, push them back down. Steve moves his mouth over Bucky’s cock, bobbing his head up and down on it. Bucky moans and fists Steve’s hair. 

“Let me in.” Sam says. Steve pulls of Bucky’s cock with an obscene pop. Sam kisses Steve, licking into his mouth once more before they both lean down to suck Bucky off. They kiss each other around Bucky’s cock and take turns sucking it into their mouths. It's so much, so hard to keep still. Natasha moves up besides Bucky and turns his head to face her. Bucky reaches up a hand to touch her breasts. She leans in to kiss him deeply, that same biting passion returning quickly. Bucky’s overwhelmed with the desire to fuck her, he's overwhelmed with the feeling of Steve and Sam on his cock. He's just plain overwhelmed. 

“I'm gonna come.” He warns, breaking away from Natasha. “Stop. I don't wanna.”

Steve and Sam both lean up.

“So what do you want?” Sam asks. His eyes are glinting.

Bucky gulps. “To fuck Natasha.” He turns his head to face her. “Can I?”

She raises an eyebrow. “Eat me out first.”

“Me first.” Steve says and then moves to lay her down flat. He goes right in, parting her slick folds with his fingers and licking and sucking at her clit. He looks so good like that. Sam thinks so too.

“Fuck, Baby, look at them.”

Bucky nods and reaches over to fist Sam’s cock. Sam moans at the touch. His cock is leaking steadily in Bucky's hand.

Natasha’s occasional gasps and moans have increased in frequency. Steve’s really going at it, hitting a stride. 

“Bucky’s turn.” Is all Natasha can manage. She gently pushes at Steve’s head. Steve comes off her with a frustrated noise. He moves so that Bucky can take his place. Bucky laves at her clit greedily and slides a finger into her hot heat. She's soaking wet.

He fucks her with his finger and sucks at her while he hears Sam ask Steve “Can I ride you?”

He hears Steve swear and say, “ _please_.” 

Bucky lets out a groan into Natasha at the sound of Steve’s breathless voice. Natasha’s hands fly up to his hair and pull. He feels her start to come, tightening up around his finger. She gasps and moans and he licks her through it until she's pushing him away. He leans over and before he can say a word she's scrabbling at his hips. 

“Fuck me, Bucky, _now_. Oh come on!”

Bucky hisses and grabs a condom out of the side table drawer. He grabs another and tosses it along with a bottle of lube to Steve. Well, in his general direction. 

Steve’s currently got his face in Sam’s ass, licking and sucking Sam loose. Sam’s eyes are closed, lost in pleasure and he has both hands tangled up in Steve’s hair. 

Bucky knows that if he keeps looking at them he might not even make it inside Natasha so he peels his eyes away and rolls on the condom. 

“From the back. I like it rough.” Nat tells him. They reposition themselves. Bucky gives her ass a light spank. 

“Like that?”

“No. Harder.” He slaps her ass harder this time. She lets out a howl. Bucky can hear Sam groan at the sound, or maybe it's something Steve’s doing.

Bucky slides into her slick, tight heat quickly, giving her pounding thrusts that shake the bed frame. Natasha moans on every one, her breasts dragging across the sheets that her hands are fisted in. Bucky reaches for a fistful of her hair and pulls. Natasha gasps and Bucky can feel her shudder around him. 

“He ever fuck you that hard?” He hears Steve asks Sam a few minutes later. 

“Yeah. Oh, _ah, right there Steve_. Oh yes he does. You should let him fuck you next time.”

Steve groans. From the sound of it he's fingering Sam open. Bucky manages to tear his eyes away from the long lean line of Natasha’s back and slam them shut. He can't look. He's so close, so close already. 

Natasha’s moans pick up, getting louder on every rough thrust of his hips.

“Bucky! Oh fuck, _fuck yes_!” She's starting to tighten up around him. She's going to come. He opens his eyes and dares to look over at Sam and Steve. Sam’s sliding himself down on to Steve’s cock slowly, his head thrown back and his mouth open and fuck, they look so good. Natasha clenches up all around him and screams, coming hard. Bucky’s thrusts become erratic, Sam’s bouncing on Steve’s cock now and Steve’s cheeks are pink and he's gasping and it's all too much, he comes header than he ever has, spilling hot and heavy into the condom.

He slumps over next to Natasha. She peels the condom off of him and ties it off before tossing it aside. They're both looking at Steve and Sam.

Sam’s really riding him now, hips moving and chest heaving. Steve’s got both hands firmly on his hips, guiding him up and down. He's groaning and gasping. He looks over to Bucky. 

“Buck, come here.” Bucky scoots next to him and kisses Steve deeply, swallowing up his moans. “Help him out.” He tells Bucky with a little nod to Sam’s aching hard cock. Bucky does as he is told and fists a hand around him, producing a long moan from Sam. He leans up and kisses Sam slow and deep. He loves this man so much. He looks beautiful on Steve’s lap. Bucky wishes he wasn't as spent as he is. He would love to have another turn with his boyfriend.

Sam curses and squeezes his eyes shut. It takes just a few pumps of Bucky’s fist before he's spilling all over him and Steve with a shout into Bucky’s mouth. He continues to rock and bounce his hips, urging Steve to the edge. Bucky leans down and kisses Steve again, flicking his tongue into his mouth and sucking on his full, pink bottom lip. Natasha reaches over from besides Bucky and twirls his nipple in her fingers. In seconds Steve’s groaning high in his throat coming, “Oh, oh fuck!” and with one last jerk of his hips he collapses onto the bed panting.

Sam slides off of Steve and flops down in between him and Bucky. Steve wraps an arm around him. Natasha starts to snuggle into his side. The four of them are sticky and sweaty. The room reeks of sex, lube and come. They're all panting, coming down.

It's a few minutes later, Sam’s eyes are shutting in sleep, when Bucky speaks.

“That was great. Like really great. But can we please talk about this now?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Bucky... he's just along for the ride. 
> 
> Coming up next: Bucky finally gets everyone to talk. Sam has a great idea. 
> 
> Thanks for all your love and support. Your comments and kudos get me through my days!


	10. Time to Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky gets his friends to talk, Natasha tells her story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Here we have a rare double POV. This is another Bucky chapter. Enjoy!

Bucky had shuffled his friends (who had all just had sex with each other) into the living room. 

Natasha and Sam sit pressed closely on the couch. Sam throws a bare arm around her, still feeling that sleepy post-sex bliss. He is just in a pair of basketball shorts. Natasha had stolen his shirt and thrown it on without bothering with underwear or a bra. Steve sits himself down, clad in only boxers in the recliner. Obviously his friends were going for maximum distraction out of pure spite.

“Bucky’s right.” Natasha states, leaning her head on Sam’s shoulder. She lets out a big yawn. “We do need to talk about this.”

Bucky pads into the kitchen and quietly starts making himself tea. He is trying really hard to keep panic from seeping its way into his mind. He is still a bit shellshocked. 

“Yes. But do we have to do it right now?” He hears Sam ask. “Steve over there looks like he has another round left in him.” 

Natasha giggles. “Oh you'd be surprised, probably more than one! Oh look! He's blushing!”

“Damn, Steve. How far down does that blush go?”

“Stop teasing me!” Steve laughs out. Bucky would bet he was pink down to his belly button by now. He doesn’t want to look (yes he does). 

“Yes we do need to talk now!” Bucky calls from the other room. “We can't just fuck each other and then pretend it never happened!”

“Come on, Buck.” Bucky hears the sound of the recliner shifting and Steve moving closer. “We could just keep fucking. Then we won't have to worry about it at all.”

The teapot whistles loudly and Bucky busies himself with pouring himself a cup as Steve enters the kitchen. 

Steve comes up behind him and wraps his arms around Bucky’s waist. He fits his head on the crook of Bucky’s shoulder. Steve smells good, like sweat and Sam and that along with the feeling of his body and the ghost of his lips on Bucky’s neck make Bucky’s eyes flutter shut.

“I know you could go again.” Steve soothes in his ear. He rocks them back and forth gently and mouths a spot on Bucky’s neck. Bucky lets himself go pliant under him. “You and I have barely gotten to do anything with each other.”

Bucky’s eyes fly open and he shrugs Steve off. “That's exactly why we need to talk.” He pours a second cup for Steve and turned to give it to him. “You and I just had sex! You're not freakin’ out at all?”

Steve shrugs. “Am I supposed to be freaking out? Are you?”

“Yes! You've been my best friend since I was born! I just watched you have sex with my boyfriend! Of course I'm freakin’ out.”

The worry line Steve gets in between his eyebrows appears. He starts to look a little like a kicked puppy.

“No offense!” Bucky adds hastily. “I liked it. I really did. We just need to talk.” He tries offering Steve a smile and then walks into the living room again, letting Steve trail behind him.

Sam and Natasha are looking a little busy, the two of them are wrapped up around each other on the couch kissing. Sam’s hand is in between Natasha’s legs. They really didn't waste any time.

“Hey! You two!” Bucky snaps his fingers at them. “Come on. Time to talk.”

The two of them groan and kiss once more before separating. Natasha grabs for Sam’s hand and sucks two fingers into her mouth, cleaning herself off of them. Sam lets out a sigh.

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ! Focus people! Scoot over.” 

Sam shoots him a glare but moves so that Bucky can put himself in the middle of them.

“Okay.” Natasha starts, smoothing the front of her shirt down over her thighs. “So Steve’s in love with the both of you-”

“I only said I think I love Bucky-”

“So Steve’s in love with the both of you. I enjoy fucking the three of you. We should all keep doing it.”

Sam nods and sends Natasha a burning look. “I agree.”

“Wait.” Bucky says. “So like we are all each other’s boyfriends and girlfriends?”

“Do we have to put a label on it?” Captain commitaphobia asks.

Sam and Bucky groan. Natasha smirks. “No. We don't. We should all discuss limits and stuff though. Like who's willing to do what with who. I would be with any of you, but I really don't know Sam or Bucky that well yet, so I am okay with no labels.”

“I'll do anything with anyone.” Sam says frankly. “I also wouldn't mind dating you all with labels.”

“I would like to do everything with all of you.” Steve looks over to Bucky. “I think.”

Bucky scoffs. “What's that supposed to mean?” 

“Well can you really see you and I having sex alone without them?”

Bucky thinks about it for a second. “Wait is that allowed?” 

“That's my next point. Do we only see each other as a group? Or can we have sex or go on a date separately?” Natasha smirks at Bucky. “I know I would definitely like to spend some one on one time with Bucky.” 

Bucky feels his cheeks heat up.

“I'm sure Bucky wouldn't mind spending some quality time with Sam and Steve without me there too.”

Oh jesus. Bucky’s cheeks heat up even more at the thought.

“This is especially important for Sam and you to think about, Bucky.” Steve adds. “You guys are the only two in a defined relationship. You don't want to push the boundaries of it too far. I know I said I love Sam and everything but you guys have a really good thing going on.”

Bucky feels a rush of warmth for his best friend. Steve is such a good guy. He doesn't care if he never gets to spend one on one time with the man he loves if it means Bucky’s relationship stays in tact. Bucky doesn't think it is necessary, though. He knows Sam well enough to not feel threatened. Sam has a lot of love to give

Bucky takes Sam’s hand in his and looks into his soft brown eyes. “I'm okay with it, if you are.”

Sam smiles at him and gives him a kiss. “I am too. You and I,” he points to Steve, “need to talk. Big time. You and Bucky need to talk as well. As much as you two get through things just by knowing each other for as long as you have, something tells me you two are in for a long talk soon.” 

Bucky sighs. “We are. You're right, Stevie. I'm not sure if I could have sex with you without them there.”

“There's only one way to find out.” Sam slaps a hand on Bucky’s thigh and grins. “We go on some dates.”

So it was decided. Bucky and Natasha, Sam and Natasha, Sam and Steve and Bucky and Steve would all spend some quality alone time together. 

The following Thursday, Steve sends Bucky a text while Bucky was eating lunch at work

Steve: hey date night tonight?   
Steve: I have Sarah but we can just hang out with her until she goes to bed

Bucky: wow way to sound romantic

Steve: omg I'm sorry! Were you hoping for something more romantic? I figured you'd be okay with just coming over and hanging out

Bucky: shut up I'm just joking. Of course I'll come over tonight! What time

Steve: be there by 6. I'll make your favorite spaghetti 

At 5:45, Bucky had his head and half his torso inside an old mustang that needs a new transmission. He's gotten a little lost in his work. He hears Clint’s footsteps.

“Hey Bucky! I'm about to head out, man. You working late?”

“Nah. You leaving early or something?”

“Bucky it’s quarter til six.”

Bucky swears and promptly bangs his head on the hood of the car.

He makes it to Steve’s apartment at 6:20. When he knocks on the front door he notices his hand is still covered in grease. Oh great. He's gross. He had forgotten to wash up. He tries to wipe some of it off on his tank top. 

Steve opened the door and gapes.

“Um. Hi Steve.” 

“Bucky… You're covered in grease.”

“I'm sorry! I can stop home and wash up. I was just running late and-”

“No! No.” Steve gulps visibly. “It's okay. It's just um. You're normally not this dirty- uh I mean…” Steve’s cheeks flair pink. Bucky smiles. The fucker likes it. “You're just normally more cleaned up when I see you.”

“You like it.”

“No I don't!”

“Yes, you do.” Bucky winks at him. “It's okay Steve. That's what these dates are for anyway. Who would have known you have a mechanic kink? Want me to take a look at what's under the hood?” He takes a step closer to Steve.

Steve flushes even harder, the tips of his ears pink. “I don't have a car, Bucky!” 

“That's okay, want me to take a look at your pipes instead? I bet they could be opened up real nice.”

Steve rolls his eyes. “Oh my god. You killed it. Get in here. Sarah’s playing in her room. You can go hang with her until I'm done making dinner.”

Bucky makes a quick stop to the bathroom and cleaned off the grease and grime from underneath his fingertips and then does as he is told.

After several minutes of Legos with Sarah later she asks Bucky, “Where Ham?”

“Ham’s with Natasha.” Steve answers before Bucky can open his mouth to do so.

“He is?” Bucky questions, lifting an eyebrow.

Steve nods. “She was over before you got here. Decided that if you and I were going to spend some time together, that she and Sam might as well too.”

Bucky grins. “I wish I could listen through the walls.”

Steve chuckles. “For Sarah’s sake, I'm glad we can't.”

Dinner is calm and delicious. The three of them talked about their days over spaghetti. Sarah told them they were learning about the color purple at school. Bucky told them about the old mustang with the crummy transmission he was replacing. Steve told them about the location he was scouting with Natasha today which was, “almost perfect.” It makes Bucky flashback to times before he had met Sam. When it had just been the three of them around. It makes Bucky miss Sam a little, but also fills him with gratitude for his best friend. Steve’s always just been there. He's lucky. 

By the time Steve’s gotten Sarah in bed Bucky’s sitting on the couch flipping channels.

His phone pings as soon as Steve re-enters the room. 

“Who's that?” He asks, plopping himself down next to Bucky on the couch. 

“Sam.” Bucky opens the text. It's a selfie of him and Natasha, both naked and eating pizza.

“Huh.” Steve offers. “That answers what they did on their date.”

Bucky laughs and throws an arm around Steve. “I didn't expect any less from my boy.”

Steve settles himself into Bucky with a sigh, resting his head on Bucky’s chest. 

They're silent for a calm minute. Bucky runs his fingers through Steve’s blonde hair. “So you love me, huh?”

“Geeze, we're back to talking again.”

“Yes we're talking again you big punk.”

Steve sighs extra loud for dramatic effect. “Yes. I do love you. I think I always have.”

Bucky gives gus hair an affectionate tug. “I don’t know if I'm in love with you. You and Sam are so similar. Both big stubborn jerks with hearts made to love. I don't think I can love more than one person at a time.”

Steve hums. “It's okay, Buck.”

“Should we talk about you being in love with my boyfriend?”

Steve shrugs and flips himself so that he's facing Bucky, their noses inches apart. 

“We could neck instead.”

Bucky pokes his nose. “You're dumb. Who says neck?”

“What do you say? Something all zen I bet. Oh Steve we should gently meet our mouths together in harmony.”

Bucky laughs and brushes their lips together, just touching. “That's more like it.” Then he kisses Steve.

It's slow and sweet, testing. Steve makes a little noise in the back of his throat and flicks his tongue against Bucky’s mouth, asking for more. Bucky obliges and deepens the kiss, his tongue meeting Steve’s freverently. Steve wiggles a little until his hips are flush with Bucky’s and gives them an experimental roll. Bucky lets out a groan at the feeling of Steve pressing into him. 

Bucky’s phone pings.

Steve breaks them apart long enough to mumble, “ignore it” before he presses their lips together again. Bucky cups the side of his face with his right hand and leaves his metal one in his hair. He gives it a pull and Steve shudders and groans. 

Bucky smiles against Steve’s mouth. “You got a metal arm kink too?”

Steve clicks his tongue. “Who wouldn't? Do that again.”

Bucky does and Steve gives another full body shudder and a lick into Bucky’s mouth. 

Bucky’s phone pings again. And again. 

Bucky groans in frustration and sits up to grab his phone. Steve stays in his lap and mouths at his neck while he checks it.

“Oh fuck.” 

“What?” Steve mumbles before he bites at Bucky’s neck. 

“Ah.” He moans and bears his neck for more. “It's nothing just- oh- don't stop doing that.” 

“You're lying.” A bite, then a gentle suck to follow. Bucky’s going to have a mark there.

“Mm just give me like another minute, God Steve.”

Steve gives the spot a final suck before pulling off and leaning to look at Bucky’s phone.

“Holy shit.”

Holy shit is right. Sam’s texted him two pictures. The first of him and Natasha kissing- full of tongue and a nice view of their naked chests. The second is of Natasha’s naked body, all laid out with her red hair splayed on their sheets. Her face is relaxed and she's smiling with her eyes closed. Sam’s big brown hand is squeezing her breast and in the bottom corner of the picture you can see that their hips are flush. The caption to that one is “One final round”.

“Good god. He knows how to drive me crazy.” Bucky tells Steve, who's looking awfully pink.

“You and I both. Hey let's send one back. Lemme see your phone.”

He holds out Bucky’s phone. Besides their kiss-swollen lips and Bucky’s nice sized mark on his neck they look completely normal. Bucky gives a thumbs up- because he's cool.

“You're such a nerd, Buck.” Steve sends the picture over to Sam. 

He’s still sitting in Bucky’s lap and rests his head on Bucky’s right shoulder. The heat of the moment has sizzled out. Bucky’s cozy like this. Steve’s big body feels good against his.

“You jealous?” He asks Bucky, scratching the little hairs at the nape of Bucky’s neck. 

“Nah. Which is surprising. I didn't know what I expected to feel. But it sure wasn't complete contentment.”

Steve makes an affirmative noise. He's got his eyes shut and gives a big yawn. “It's late. I'm tired.”

Bucky strokes his back with his right hand softly. “Yeah? You wanna go to sleep?”

“You won't be bummed if we don't fuck?”

Bucky lets himself think about it for a minute before saying, “No. I'm not sure if I could really handle having sex with you without them right now. I'm okay with what we did tonight. I'm sorry if that's not what you wanted.”

Steve yawns again. “Nah it's actually okay. You're the hardest part about this.” Bucky makes a wounded sound and Steve gives a sleepy chuckle. “You are. You're just… Apart of me. I can't stand to be without you, but I don't know if I could stand to have all of you either. I don't know. I'm just happy to take whatever you'll give me.”

Bucky smiles and gives Steve’s head a kiss. “Go ahead and fall asleep.” He moves the two of them so that Steve’s lying on his chest on the couch. “I have a feeling it's going to be a while before I can go home without interrupting.”

***  
“Steve’s taking me out tonight.” Sam tells him on Saturday morning. 

“Oh yeah? What does the big sap have planned?”

Sam smiles, big and bright. “Something romantic I bet.” He settles himself behind Bucky who's doing the dishes at the sink. He puts his hand up Bucky’s shirt and palms the muscle there while pulling them close. 

“I love you, so much.” Bucky smiles because he knows Sam’s telling him for his sake. Sam knows he needs reassurance sometimes. 

“I love you too, babe.”

Sam kisses his shoulder. “You should call Nat.”

Bucky smiles brighter. “I should!”

He shoots Natasha a text.

Bucky: our boys are going to be romantic idiots tonight  
Bucky: wanna fuck?

Natasha arrives shortly after Sam leaves wearing a smirk and a black trench coat.

“Are you naked under that?” Bucky asks her as she steps into his place.

“Nope.” She whips it open. She's wearing a Star Wars tee and little shorts.

Bucky shrugs. “Almost as good.” 

He quickly pulls her close to him. He pushes her jacket off of her shoulders and onto the floor. “How do you want it?”

She squeezes his hips with her fingers, digs her nails in a little. “Fast and hard.”

“Mhm. Want me to take control?” He reaches to pull her shorts down and off. 

She pulls his shirt off my the hem. “No. I want you to fight me for it.” She kisses him roughly, full of teeth and tongue. She grabs at his ass and squeezes, then smiles when she finds the condom in his back pocket. She holds it in one hand while the other scrabbles at his hips and slide his pants off. Bucky pushes her over to the closest wall and lifts her up. She wraps both legs around his waist gracefully. He pushes her against the wall and she squirms against him, moaning. She bites his bottom lip a shade shy of too rough and he presses his hips even harder on hers, groaning. 

“I'll fuck you right here.” He growls into her neck, nipping at her collarbone. She puts a hand into his hair and yanks hard, making him gasp. He's burning hot for her. He wants to fuck her so hard she's screaming. “I'll just take my cock out and fuck you.”

“Do it.” She's panting and rolling their hips together, just their underwear separating them. She leans up and sucks on the light bruise that Steve left on him a few days prior. Bucky moans out loud at the sting of pain. It's what they both want with each other. That beautiful mix of pain and pleasure. 

His flesh hand leaves her ass and reaches around to rub at her through her panties. She's wet and soaking through them already. Her breath hitches when his fingers run over her clit. 

“Look at you. Dripping for me already.” 

She groans and does look. “Not the only one dripping.”

She's right. Bucky’s rock-hard and dripping a wet spot on his own underwear. He rolls his hips on her slowly so that his cock drags across her. She gasps. His metal hand closes tightly over her ass and squeezes. 

“Come on. Fuck me.”

The way she says it sends Bucky into overdrive. He growls and takes his hand off of her and pulls his cock out. She lets go of his hair to help him unwrap and roll the condom on, then he's pushing her panties to the side with his fingertips and sliding his cock into her hot, wet heat. 

The both of them let out a long moan at the feeling. Bucky grips her thigh with his flesh hand and pushes her hard against the wall again. He thrusts his hips into her roughly, relentlessly. She grips his hair with both hands, yanking it every time her body jostles from Bucky’s thrusts. Bucky bites at her ear and fucks and fucks her so mean. 

Her moans are rising higher and higher in her throat. Bucky leans down to suck a bruise on her breast and the thought that Steve will see it and know where it came from almost sends him coming right then and there. 

She does her best to roll her hips in time with his thrusts, chasing her release quickly. Bucky pulls one of her nipples through his teeth and she pulls hard on his hair and screams.

She's clenching up around him. Bucky pounds into her feverishly, he's about to come too, moaning and panting on every breath. 

He reaches up, leaving her braced only on his strong metal arm again and pulls her ponytail while he bites hard at the skin of her breast and she's coming, screaming with her fingernails digging into his scalp. She clenches down so tight, so good around him and along with the sharp pain from her nails it's enough- Bucky goes tumbling down right after her with a few shallow thrusts of his hips and a loud moan.

***

They're lying in bed together when Bucky’s phone pings. 

He checks it. It's a picture from Sam of Steve. He's illuminated by candlelight at a restaurant flashing a big dopey grin over a plate of food. 

He smiles at the picture and shows it to Natasha. 

She smiles too. “God he's so stinking cute.” 

“I know. They both are.”

“Mhm.” She stretches out a little on his chest. “Tell me about how you met Steve.”

Bucky huffs a laugh. “The day I was born. He's a little older than I am. Our moms were best friends. Lived next door to each other. We used to pick each other’s noses when we were toddlers.”

She laughs. 

“I'm serious! We napped together, took baths together, went to daycare and preschool then elementary school together. My entire life. He's been there.”

He turns his head down to face her. She looks so soft and beautiful pressed up against his chest. “Do you know why Steve has his commitment issues?”

She furrows her brow. “No. Why?”

“It's probably not my place to tell you. But the big oaf never will and you deserve to know. You're a fantastic woman.” He smiles down at her sweetly. “You see, everyone that Steve’s ever loved has left him.” He pauses, smiles again. “Except for Sam I guess. It started with his dad.”

“What happened?”

“When we were 8 he died in a car crash. He was a great guy, Papa Joe.” Bucky smiles at the memory that fills his mind of Steve’s dad, swinging them both around on his shoulders like little monkeys. “So full of life. So positive. Steve took after his Ma, she was a feisty one. Joe was always real sweet, loving. He loved his boy with all his heart. Did anythin’ for me or Stevie or my Ma and sister. We were at school when he heard the news. They pulled us both out and told us he was gone.” He gives a long sigh. “My dad died when I was ten of cancer. Lung cancer. Smoked his way into an early grave.”

“I'm sorry.” Natasha tells him. She kisses his chest softly. It makes Bucky smile.

“It's okay. But when my dad died, I branched out. I was really hurting for love, you know? I made a hundred friends. I wanted everyone to love me because my dad couldn't anymore. Steve did the opposite when his dad died. He shut down. Like he couldn't bear the thought of losin’ somebody else he cared about. He stuck to me, our little group of friends and our families. Loved fierce as ever. He was all skin and bones until he was about 17, but he still thought he could save us all if he tried hard enough. Then when we were in high school, he met Peggy Carter. God, Nat you would love her. She was so ballsy. This tough chick from England. Punched a one of the kids from the neighborhood straight in the nose when he tried to make a pass at her. Steve fell in love right there and then. She was only here for the summers when she would visit her cousin. But every time she landed until every second she got back on that plane you had to pry them away from each other.”

“What happened to her?” She asks softly.

“Well. Come our senior year she told Steve that she was thinking about going to college over there, instead of coming to New York like she thought. She asked for his opinion. I think she knew that she had a better shot over there, but she wanted him to say no. You know what Steve did? The self-sacrificing asshole, he let her go. He didn't say a word. He let her go. Got sick over it. As soon as she got on that plane her realized he made a mistake. He tried to stuff it down. He worked out a ton, got huge and joined the army. My dumbass joined right after him. The way it worked out I shipped out before he did. Right after I got over there his Ma died.”

He lets out a long breath. “She was all he had besides me. She died real quick. Cancer. I didn't even get to say goodbye.” He clears his throat, refusing to cry. “Losing her broke him real bad. I didn't get to see him too much while we were away. We wrote back and forth all the time. He buried himself deep in the army. Fought like he had nothing to live for. Got promoted pretty quickly. Did great. After his first tour he got home and found out that I'd been captured. They only had me for a little while but they did a number on me. Took my arm. Fucked me up in the head bad.”

“God Bucky.” She leans up and over him and kisses him softly, running a hand through his hair. 

“So Steve,” he's deflecting and they both know it. “He lost his love, his mom and his best friend all within a few years. He was completely alone. He still won't talk too much about what he did the few months before I got back. I know it couldn't be good. I know he slept around a lot. Drank a lot. Then I got back and he found out about Sarah and all of a sudden he had something to do again. Two people that needed him desperately. He got himself better. He's still getting himself better. So that's why he's so scared, Natasha. I don't know if he can take losing anyone else. He's still fragile. He always will be, I think.”

Natasha smiles looking into his eyes. She kisses him again.

“I don't mind.”

“You don't?”

“No. I...when I was a baby I got put into a foster home up in the Bronx. I had these foster parents. Nick and Maria. They were great. Never had any kids of their own. Just a whole bunch of foster kids. In and out, in and out. I stayed there my whole life somehow. They never could afford to adopt me. But they sure did try and give me the best life they can. They put me into ballet lessons, came to every single recital. They helped me with my homework. You know, classic perfect parents. Then when I was 18 I asked for my mom’s name from the state. I was angry. Nick and Maria were pushing me so hard to go to college.” She makes her voice deep,”Go to college Natasha, make something of yourself. I didn't want to. I wanted to rebel, and that was my way to do it. I was going to run away with my mom.”

The words sound fresh on her tongue. Bucky’s pretty sure it's the first time she's telling anyone about this. 

“I got it. Didn't take long to find her. She met with me at a diner. She looked kinda like me. It was so shocking for me to see someone who did. You could tell she used to be beautiful. But she was strung out. Bad.”

“You know what on?”

“I think heroin, maybe. We talked for a while. I told her about my life. I had this vision of how it would go. She was going to be so proud of me, then apologize and we would run away into the sunset.” The words come out bitter.

“Instead she asked me for money. Said she was about to start getting sick.” She sighs, long and sad. “I left right there and then, went home to my parents and cried. I signed up for college, community. Then I worked my ass off and got a full ride into NYU from the Maria and Howard Stark foundation. I met Tony and Pepper that way. I worked my ass off, interned with them, worked my ass off some more and ended up getting hired. I've done nothing but try and not turn out like my mom since I met her. I'm very career driven. I love my job. I'm good at it. I couldn't see myself with a family until I met Sarah and Steve.”

Bucky runs his hands through her hair, silently thanking her for her confession.

“I'm not sure if I can be there for them fully yet, maybe never. I want to run that damn company. I can't do that if I'm tied down. So yeah, I don't care that Steve has commitment issues. I have my own too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: *chants* SAMSTEVE, SAMSTEVE, SAMSTEVE 
> 
> Thanks so much for all the love and support. Your comments give me life <3


	11. It's so hard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam goes on a date with Steve then realizes a few things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! The end. Thank you all so much for sticking with me during this journey. Enjoy!

After Bucky tells Sam about his date with Steve, he and Sam settle in for an afternoon nap.

Bucky falls asleep first, Sam watches as he gets pulled under. His breathing evens out, his body goes slack around Sam’s.

Sam listens to Bucky breathe and lets himself fall asleep too.

Sam wakes to Bucky gently stroking his face. He opens his eyes and smiles at his boyfriend. Bucky smiles back and the two of them stay there for a moment; wrapped up in each other, sleepy and content.

Sam smacks his dry lips before asking, “Do you want to date them both?”

“No.” Both their voices are quiet. This is a moment in their own bed that's just made for the two of them. Bucky follows up quickly. “I like what we're doing with them. I really do. But I want it to be you. I want it to always be you. I want to marry you, get old with you. If Steve and Nat are there too, that's great. But you're the one that I really want to love. For now at least” He furrows his brow. “I'm sorry if you wanted something more official.”

“No, no.” Sam grips Bucky’s hip gently through his boxers. “I don't love either of them. I think I could love Steve in time, maybe Natasha too. But.. With you, we fit. We fit together in the kind of way that shouldn't be given up on. It's real nice to let them in it's just…” He laughs at what he's about to say. “You're my main squeeze.”

Bucky wrinkles his nose and breathes a laugh. “You're insufferable.” He pauses. “I don't think Steve wants to be with us either. I think he's enjoying the ride the same as us.”

“Why didn't he tell us he loved us until now?” Sam knows Bucky will have an answer.

“Because Steve never knows what he has until it's gone. You and I became unattainable, he figured it out.”

“Do you think that's going to happen with Nat?”

“I hope not. What he has there with her is something really special. He has no idea.”

“Mhmm.” Sam agrees. He presses their foreheads together and makes their noses touch. 

“You're special. I love you, James Buchanan Barnes.”

A ghost of a laugh leaves Bucky’s mouth. His words come out so quietly that Sam feels them more than hears them. “I love you too, Samuel Thomas Wilson.

***

Sam gets to Steve’s apartment a little after six. Steve’s told him to dress nicely so he's thrown on a dark green polo with some nice dark jeans. Bucky had told him that he'd be lucky if him and Steve make it to whatever Steve has planned. Only about half of Sam is hoping that's the case.

Steve greets him with a smile and a kiss at the front door. Sam enters the apartment and Steve kicks the door shut before wrapping his arms around Sam’s waist.

“You look really, really good.” He tells Sam. Before Sam can answer Steve’s lips are on his again. The kiss is deep and sweet. It's full of emotion and love and gratitude. It makes Sam’s head swim. Even here, wrapped up in Steve’s arms he's still a little mind-boggled that Steve’s in love with him. When he had told Bucky about it this morning Bucky had cracked up, pulled Sam into a hug and said, “You have no idea how damn wonderful you really are.”

Steve breaks the kiss with a little nip to Sam’s bottom lip that sends shivers up his spine. Steve looks beautiful, his cheeks all flushed and his lips swollen. 

Sam gets a little semblance of mind and tells him, “Before we head out, or head into the bedroom and forget our plans altogether we should probably talk.”

Steve gives a grumble and a sigh. “You and Bucky with your talkin’.”

Sam laughs. “Yeah, yeah.” He pauses, sobers. “ I just want to know what you really want from this. With us.” 

Steve inhales sharply, then shrugs. He says, “Whatever you're willing to give me.” He kisses Sam again. Sam smiles at him. He's said enough. 

***

A dinner date with Steve Rogers is just how Sam expected it to be. Steve’s a complete gentleman. He holds Sam’s hand the entire way to the restaurant. He pulls Sam’s chair out. He smiles at Sam like Sam has sunshine coming out of his ass. Sam loves it. There's just something so special about Steve. He thinks Bucky’s lying out of his ass when he says he doesn't love him. How could he not? He's just so charming and sweet. Sam snaps a picture of Steve smiling and sends it off to Bucky. He knows Natasha is over their apartment, so he's not surprised when he doesn't get a reply. The two of them are probably too busy mauling each other.

Sam looks up at Steve. He's still giving Sam this goofy-happy grin. It makes Sam laugh. “You're unbelievably cute, you know that?”

Steve counters, “You're amazing.” The grin slides off his face into something more serious. He looks at Sam with big, loving blue eyes. “You should never feel like you're not.”

Sam clears his throat and breathes deeply. “It's really nice of you to say that.” Then he takes another bite of his chicken.

Steve pays their bill without letting Sam even try. He snakes his hand into Sam’s while they're walking home and bumps their shoulders together. 

He smiles and says, “I love you.”

Sam tries to smile, a big part of his just feels so damn guilty that he can't say it back. Steve notices and says, “I don't care that you can't say it back.” He gives Sam’s hand a squeeze. “Just having you here is enough.”

Steve brings Sam back to his apartment. Steve offers him a beer, opening the fridge so that Sam can see what’s inside it. Sam laughs. Steve’s so sweet, so lovely that he can't help himself. He strides closer to Steve and shuts the fridge before looping both arms around Steve’s neck. Steve grins at him. 

Sam says, “We can have a beer after, maybe,” then kisses Steve deeply. 

Steve groans into Sam’s mouth, exploring it with his tongue. Sam pulls their bodies flush by hooking his fingers into Steve’s belt loops. Steve let's out a sigh into Sam’s mouth and grabs two handfuls of Sam’s ass to grind their hips together. The friction makes Sam groan.

“Bedroom?” He asks Steve, breathless.

Steve nods, taking Sam by the hand and leading him towards his bedroom. They thump against the wall a few times, stopping to kiss and rub all over each other some more.

They eventually make it to the room. Steve’s hard and panting against Sam as he gives him a little push so that he falls down on the bed. Sam reaches up and fists a hand full of Steve’s shirt to pull him down too. 

“Steve.” He says, not even sure what he's meaning. Sam’s mind is full of nothing but what and need.

“Okay.” Steve let's out and kisses him roughly before stripping off Sam’s shirt. He takes off his own and tosses it aside before he climbs back on top of Sam again. He works his way down Sam’s neck, licking, nipping and biting in all the right places that make Sam’s hands fly up and curl tightly in his blonde hair. Steve groans and pushes his head up into Sam’s touch, urging Sam to pull harder. He does and Steve makes a whining sound that makes Sam’s cock twitch. He moves his mouth to Sam’s collarbone and spends a little time there, sucking a bruise into Sam’s dark skin. Sam groans at the feeling.

Steve moves his mouth lower, laving his tongue around Sam’s nipples and planting soft kisses to his stomach. He undoes Sam’s belt and jeans and chucks them to the floor. He mouths at Sam’s cock through his boxers until Sam’s squirming.

“Come on!” Sam says, “You're such a cocktease.” 

Steve smiles devilishly before taking Sam out of his underwear and swallowing him down in one go. Sam’s back arches off of the bed and it makes Steve choke a little around his cock.

“Sorry.” He breathes.

Steve let's go of his cock with a loud slurp then tells Sam, “It's okay. I like it when you fuck my mouth.”

Maybe Sam’s in love after all.

Sam does fuck his mouth then, gently cupping the back of Steve’s head and thrusting his hips gently so that his cock slides down Steve’s throat. Steve makes the sweetest noises around Sam’s cock, loving it, hot for it. Sam gives it to him, enjoying the hot slide of Steve’s warm mouth around him. Sam groans when his cock hits the back of Steve’s throat.

Steve pulls off suddenly and before Sam can protest he's spreading Sam’s ass cheeks and licking him open. Sam grabs hold of Steve’s hair again and let's out a wail.

“Please, please.” He begs, “Steve.”

Steve pulls off just long enough to grab the lube and a condom before he licks back at Sam’s hole. He's taking his time, really enjoying it. Sam can tell from the pleased noises he's making. Steve slicks up a finger before pressing it slowly into Sam. Sam moans at the intrusion, his body tightening up around it.

Steve slips another finger into him, crooking them to hit in all the right places. Sam’s mind is already drifting, floating in pleasure. Steve’s doing such a good job at making him feel good. Sam tells him.

“Baby,” Sam says, “baby you make me feel so good.”

Steve groans and leans down to trap Sam’s mouth in a searing kiss before he pulls his fingers out all together. Sam whines at the loss. Steve speaks into his mouth, “Shh. Just give me a minute.”

He takes off his pants and rolls on the condom, breathing deeply at the much-needed friction on his neglected cock.

Then he's sliding into Sam. In and in and in and-

“Oh.” Sam moans as Steve bottoms out. “Oh my god.” He's overwhelmed at the feeling of Steve inside him, covering him with his body. Steve just stays still. He brings a trembling hand up to Sam’s cheek and rubs his thumb across it.

“Look at me.” He commands. Sam does. Steve gives him a breathless little smile and asks, “You okay baby?”

Sam nods. He feels little overwhelmed tears prick the corners of his eyes. He's so full and god it feels so deliciously good. Steve notices and runs a hand gently over Sam’s hair. He gives Sam a deep, slow kiss and then he rolls his hips slowly into Sam.

Sam gasps, Steve groans.

He keeps a slow but fulfilling pace. His cock brushes up against Sam’s prostate with every slow thrust of his hips and Sam cries out every time. He leans his body over Sam’s and kisses down Sam’s neck. He sucks one of Sam’s nipples into his mouth gently, then turns his attentions to the other. 

Sam’s body arches into Steve’s. Sam can't help but think about how different sex with Steve is. With Bucky there’s chatter and while it's just as loving and emotional it's never like this. Sex with Steve is quieter, slower. Steve’s patient where Bucky’s not.

“Steve! I-I,” he gets out. Steve understands and wraps a hand around Sam’s cock in time with his thrusts. He's rolling his hips a little faster now, unable to resist. 

Steve returns his mouth to Sam’s as Sam shakes all over then comes all over himself and Steve’s hand, moans being swallowed up by Steve’s mouth. Steve follows a few thrusts after, the warm tightness of Sam’s body being too much for him to handle.

***

Steve rubbed lazy circles into Sam’s chest after, both of them cozy and relaxed. 

“Wanna stay here with me tonight?” He asks Sam quietly. 

“Sure.” Sam says then gives the top of Steve’s head a little kiss. He reaches over to the nightstand to text Bucky and let him know.

Me: I'm sleeping at Steve’s tonight FYI 

Sam watches as Steve’s eyes flutter shut beside him. He looks so sweet and young. His still-naked body draped all over Sam’s. It pulls at Sam’s heartstrings in a familiar way. He's falling harder than he thought he would.

He's almost asleep when he hears keys jingling in Steve’s door. He knows who it is so he doesn't move. Steve’s passed out when Bucky walks into the bedroom. He sees the two of them snuggling and gives Sam a warm smile. 

“Hi.” Bucky whispers then strips off his pj's quickly. 

Sam’s giggle rumbles in his throat as he sees bite marks and scratches covering Bucky’s chest. 

Bucky looks at himself and shrugs. “Don't judge.”

Steve stirs at the sound of Bucky’s voice. “Hey Buck.” He moves over in the bed to make room for Bucky. 

“Hey Stevie.” Bucky pads over to the bedside and gives Sam a kiss before flopping himself down carefully in-between Steve and Sam. He rolls himself over to face Steve. Sam sees Steve cup Bucky’s head and bring him in for a deep, lazy kiss. Bucky makes a pleased noise and kisses Steve back just as thoroughly. “You have fun with my boyfriend?”

“Mmhmm.” Steve says. He pokes one of the love bites on Bucky’s chest. “Have fun with my-” he catches himself and Sam cracks up. “Natasha?”

Bucky giggles into Steve’s mouth and kisses him again. “You know I did.” Then they're kissing again. It doesn't move past that, just lazy kisses full of built up weird best friend feelings that Sam doesn't even try to understand. Sam lets his eyes close and listens to the wet sounds of their mouths. He's still sleepy and sated. 

“We lost Sam.” Steve giggles. He leans over Bucky and kisses Sam’s pliant mouth. Sam wakes up a little and kisses back. He opens his eyes and Steve pulls away. Sam tells him, “I'm actually trying to sleep unlike you horn dogs.”

Steve laughs. “Oh no. I'm down for the count.” He pulls his body back and rests over Bucky’s. “Are you?” There's a glint in his eyes that says he's definitely not done if Bucky’s up for another round. 

Bucky laughs seeing right through Steve, “Steve I'm not having sex with you while my boyfriend sleeps.” He leans up and kisses Steve sweetly. “Sammy switch places with me. I can't be in the middle.”

They flip and flop and Sam ends up in the middle with Steve’s head on one shoulder and Bucky’s on the other. Steve reaches over and pulls Bucky’s right hand so that its resting on Sam’s chest. He burrows his head deeper in Sam’s neck and covers Bucky’s hand with his own.

Sam makes a sleepy, happy noise. He could get used to this alright. 

He wakes up in the morning pushed to the edge of the bed and opens his eyes to see Steve and Bucky halfway to fucking. He can't say he's surprised.

***

Sam and Bucky are watching Sarah while Steve and Natasha finish up what's supposed to be the final property negotiations for their company’s new Brooklyn location. Sam’s feeding Sarah dinner. Bucky’s being lazy and lying on the couch.

Sam steals one of her chicken nuggets. They're the fancy organic kind Bucky bought at the grocery store last week. They cost $3 more per bag. Sam wants to see if they're worth it.

“Mine, Ham!”

He takes a bite of it anyway. They're good, maybe even $3 more good. “Don't you know how to share?”

She sticks her cute little lip out. Sam sighs and hands the half-eaten chicken nugget back. She stuffs it in her mouth. 

“Gross.” Sam says. Sarah just smiles.

Steve bursts into the apartment then, with a giant smile and a bottle of champagne. Natasha follows him in.

“Hi daddy!” Sarah squeals.

“Hi, love!” He gives Sarah a kiss then plants a big, giant kiss on Sam too.

“What was that for?” Sam points to the bottle of champagne, “and what's that for?”

Steve turns to Natasha then back to Sam. “We did it! We got the property!”

Bucky whoops from his place on the couch. Sarah claps loudly. Sam says, “Awesome job!” 

Steve slings an arm around Natasha and pulls her close. She grins up at him. “It was all because of you!”

“Oh no way!” She laughs and smacks his chest.

“Yes! You talked them down almost a thousand dollars a month in rent! We are under budget now!” He grabs her face and kisses her. Sarah starts clapping again. Bucky wolf whistles.

Steve breaks them apart, his cheeks are adorably pink. He looks straight into Natasha’s eyes and says, “God I love you.”

The whole room freezes. Sarah claps again.

What Steve had said catches up to him. He stutters, “Well, well, I do! I do. I love you, Nat.”

Natasha smiles, big and bright. “I love you too, Big guy.”

They all clap for them this time.

***

Not everyday is a good day, however.

The next day Sam wakes up. He kisses Bucky goodbye. He goes to work. He goes through the motions of his day and wills himself to focus. He's not sure where his mind is as he's sitting in his office. Maybe it's somewhere back overseas with Riley. Maybe it's back home with Bucky. Wherever it is, it's sure not letting Sam get much done today. He lets out an aggravated sigh. 

“Sam!” His head snaps up from the papers he was staring at on his desk. It's Linda, his coworker. He must have drifted off and not noticed her enter his office.

“Hey, Linda. What's up?” He schools his face into a smile.

Linda doesn't buy it. She furrows her brow. “You okay?” 

Sam looks at her and thinks about his answer for a minute before telling her the truth. “No.”

“You want a hug?” She asks him.

Sam feels himself shrink, feels his shoulders slump, feels his resolve walk out the door. He nods.

She moves over to him and wraps him up tightly in her arms. She rubs gentle circles into his back. “Oh honey,” She mumbles into his shoulder, “it's okay. You're okay.”

Sam tries to believe her. 

He ducks out of work a little early and heads straight home. He's out of it on the subway and misses his normal stop; forcing him to walk a few extra blocks to get to his apartment. He walks in his empty home. Bucky’s not due back for a few hours yet. He thinks about making dinner. He really does, but he ends up heading to the bedroom. He tucks himself in tightly with the covers. “I'll just sleep for a few minutes,” He promises himself, then he wraps the blanket completely over his head to wrap out all of the light and this terrible day.

“Sammy. Hey babe wake up.” Bucky tells him gently. Sam opens his eyes. Bucky’s sitting next to him on the bed, giving him a small smile. “I made you a grilled cheese,” he says.

“‘M not hungry.” Sam manages back.

“You having a bad day, babe?”

Sam nods.

“Have you done your self affirmations lately?” Bucky asks him. A few weeks ago Sam’s therapist had given him a few post it note with self-positive things written on them. Sam stuck them on the bathroom mirror. Every morning after he's brushed his teeth he's supposed to read them aloud to himself to help retrain the way his brain thinks. 

Sam shakes his head.

“That's okay. Do you want me to do them with you?” Sometimes it makes Sam feel better if Bucky’s there with him saying things like, “I'm a beautiful person. I'm a kind person.” It makes Sam feel less like an idiot.

Sam shakes his head again. 

Bucky let's out a long sigh. “Okay. Why don't I just let you sleep then.” He kisses Sam then shuts the door, allowing Sam to sink back into darkness.

Sam wakes up the next morning to Bucky shaking him again. “Hey. You gotta get up and go to work.”

“No.” Sam replies, almost defiantly like a toddler, “not today. Calling out.” 

Bucky makes a quick pained face before he nods and makes his way out of the house to go to work himself.

Later, Sam wakes up again to laughing voices in the kitchen. He recognizes them, it's Steve, Nat and Bucky. He wants to get up and go laugh with them, but can't seem to find the strength to. He ends up lying there like a wet towel listening to his friends for a while before there's a knock at the bedroom door.

Steve walks in holding two plates of food. “Hey Sam,” he says cheerfully. 

“Hi.” Sam croaks. He hasn't been using much of his voice lately. 

“I brought you dinner. Mind if I eat with you?”

Sam finds that he's a little hungry so he says, “sure.”

Steve fills what would normally be an awkward silence with chatter. He tells Sam about Sarah and work. He tells him about how Natasha almost beat up a guy on the subway today. He tells Sam about how when Bucky was thirteen he got punched by a girl that he tried to kiss. He tells Sam about his lunch. He tells Sam everything. He fills the dark space in Sam’s head with goodness and light. Sam still feels like shit but it helps. It does.

“Thank you.” He tells Steve after Steve’s cleared the empty plates out of their bed and wrapped Sam up into his arms.

Steve kisses his cheek from behind him, “Anytime.”

Natasha and Bucky make their way into the bed a little bit later. Steve scoots over so that Natasha can drape herself over Sam. Bucky fits himself on Sam’s empty side. Somehow Steve hasn't fallen off of the bed. 

“I'm so squished!” Natasha giggles into Sam’s shoulder. 

It makes Sam smile for the first time in two days. He feels okay, surrounded by people that love and care about him. He thinks that's more than enough.

Sam wakes up. Bucky is the only one who made it through the night in their bed. He looks so soft and beautiful, sleeping with his mouth a little open in the pink morning light. 

He pads to the bathroom and flicks on the light. His self affirmations are on the mirror but they seem to have multiplied overnight. Sam quirks an eyebrow and picks one off. It's a bright yellow note that reads, “I'm the best uncle” in Steve’s narrow scrawl. Sam's breath catches in his throat. He picks up another in an unfamiliar handwriting. It's probably Natasha’s. It reads, “I'm an amazing kisser.” There's so many of them, he reads them all out loud, since he feels like that's what he should do.

“I'm a good listener.”  
“I'm a good friend.”  
“I'm good at my job.”  
“I'm a good lover.”  
“I'm so easy to love.”  
“I'm super sexy.”  
“I have really pretty eyes.”  
“I have the best smile.”

Sam’s crying so hard by the end of them that he has to sit down on the side of his tub. His heart feels so full. He's so loved. He's so lucky. He sees one note that he hadn't picked up before, but he recognizes Bucky’s handwriting from his seated position already. He stands up and pulls the note from the mirror.

“You're a nasty ass bitch.” 

And Sam laughs. He laughs so hard his cheeks hurt. He laughs so hard his stomach hurts. He laughs so hard that he falls down, ass bouncing off of the hard bathroom floor. 

That's how Bucky finds him a few minutes later. Sitting on the floor, holding his stomach from laughter, tears streaming down his face, still clutching the note.

Bucky breaks out in a grin from ear to ear. He sits himself down next to Sam, surrounded by all of the notes his friends have left him. He laces his fingers into Sam’s and bumps their shoulders. 

“I love you.” Bucky tells him.

Sam squeezes his hand tightly, “I love you too, so much.” Then he smiles, because he thinks everything’s going to be just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you all for reading this insane story. It took a completely different journey than I expected. Feel free to come to me on tumblr to talk to me about this fic. I'm not done with this verse at all :).

**Author's Note:**

> Come follow me on [tumblr](http://unclesteeb.tumblr.com/)


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